Stubborn

Why am I so stubborn and not willing to try in therapy? My T asked me where the anger comes from that keeps me from moving forward and allowing myself to get help. I don't know why I do it. Maybe being pathetic and depressed is all I am good at. Maybe I don't want to get better. Obviously I don't since I am not even willing to try. I just wish I had the guts to get out of this life.

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Do you feel that you may be cautious due to the stereotypes of people going through? Do you think she is incapable of helping you? Have your needs maybe never really been met and that makes it hard for you to accept them being met? Just throwing out ideas. I don't think that you don't want to get better - sometimes it's hard to see that "better" is even an achievable goal (but it is)

Maybe you are afraid of change? Even if it would be a good....change....that is scary, when you are used to things the way they are.

By virtue of the fact that you are in therapy, there is a part of you that DOES want help, and you are sabotaging that..........hugs

Maybe you are choosing not to try, I have no idea. Just one more possibility to consider is that you're seeing a provider whose style doesn't work for you. I spent about two years like that when I was 17, came to realize when I was older and wiser that we were just a mismatch and a different style made it 100x easier for me to progress.

I have only seen this T for about 6 weeks but I do think she is capable. I know I am still getting to know her so there are some trust issues blocking the way. But I have had this same problem with all the Ts I have seen in the past.

We are discussing my parents and my childhood and how my needs weren't met. Also you are right that I have trouble seeing things as ever getting better.



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I am afraid of change. I just don't have any motivation right now to try.

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I know I am choosing not to try but I don't know why I am choosing not to. I just feel like banging my head against a wall. So far I like this T and her style and she has said some things that have really clicked and that I hadn't made connections with. So I think she is smart and capable. I just need to learn to trust her.

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Are you expecting too much in the way of change? Are you setting reasonable goals for yourself?

Also, you say you're not motivated- in that case, why waste time and money on therapy?

Because I am a glutton for punishment I guess.

I don't have any goals except to get rid of these suicidal thoughts.

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Crook, there's something paradoxical going on here. First, you're not making progress. Second, you're admitting you're not making progress because you're not trying and you're afraid of change. You're not blaming anyone. You're accepting responsibility for your own resistance. That's damn good!

There are plenty of people who have to go through months or years of misery and therapy to get to the point of admitting part of the problem could be in their own resistance.

You are admitting your resistance and your refusal (I would say fear) to try and your fear of change and lack of motivation.

You're not in denial about that. Maybe if you relax a little that's enough for your T to begin with. Fear of change. That's a Really Big Thing.

I'm sure everyone here knows someone whose life is in chaos but they insist there's nothing wrong. They're in complete denial.

You're not. You're ready to admit you're resisting and you fear change and you're confused. I'd say you've already made some progress. It's worth talking to your T about. Change can be scary. Fearing it can come from many sources. Maybe you can start there.

I wish you the best and I hope you won't be too hard on yourself. You're being honest with yourself and that's a really good place to start in therapy.

Well, you can quit therapy if you truly do not have the motivation to go. It doesn't work for everyone and there are alternatives. If you've seen several therapists and not improved, it might be worth considering.

What I meant by goals wasn't, where you want to be, which is free of suicidal thoughts, but what step you are taking to get there. Do you have reasonable goals to get out of that habit? Such as daily meditation, counter-programming for your negative inner voice, volunteer work, journaling to discover triggers, etc. or whatever plan you think best, probably in collaboration with your T.

The depression is a big reason for the lack of motivation.

I need to learn coping skills.

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