[Soccer mom]

Has anyone been in the weird phase of maybe coming out of strong transference? Sometimes I totally want to see her as my mom, want motherly things from her, etc. I acted exactly like a 7 year old last time I was in there actually telling her more about how I feel/what I want. I have a session in an hour and am thinking to myself how ridiculous I've been.
Maybe all the transference will come back when I see her. I kind of hope not - it was a better week not obsessing about her and wishing I could see her.

[unaluna]

I have found it comes back from time to time, like adult acne

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by hankster

I have found it comes back from time to time, like adult acne

Did you first have it pretty bad and then it started tapering?

[HazelGirl]

The fact that you talked about it probably helped a lot. It "burst the bubble" on your emotions, so to speak. It will probably build back up, but if you keep talking about it, it will help keep it at bay.

[Petra5ed]

I think it comes and goes. For me, I seem to feel it the most right after a session, when I'm alone and the next one is far away, especially if I'm stressed and overwhelmed. I like it when I can connect with the feeling in session, sometimes I think I'm just too anxious to do that.

[Soccer mom]

Well I went in thinking it was gone and happy, and it's back in full force. I wanted to talk about our relationship and we started talking about my mom and the fact that she apologized for not being the best mom before she died. Somehow that triggered the feeling in my chest that I get when I know I won't want to leave and in between sessions will be hard. I have 10 days now unless someone cancels. I left feeling she's mad at me and she pointed out that I'm bringing her into it. I keep watching for her to push me away, get frustrated all just like my mom but I don't realize it's happening. I hate that her reactions affect my mood so much but I have a hard time separating the transference from reality. Maybe that's what she needs to help me with.

[Leah123]

Transference is reality. The feelings are real and so important to heed and address. They just may be disproportionate in terms of what evokes them, a combination of feelings based on current events and old ones. Transference is not the type of thing that just disappears overnight or after one good session... it's a pattern of relating, it's deep-seated. Transference typically takes some significant effort and ongoing discussion to resolve.

I actually think that acne analogy is pretty fitting... transference is like adolescence, lol, and there will be flare ups and clearer periods, but it won't really resolve until you hit emotional adulthood and finish processing everything in your past that still needs attention.

[HealingTimes]

Yes I have been there and got the T-shirt (haven't most of us!) and came out the other side.
I think the most important thing to overcome it is to talk about it with your T.
I had many many months when I wanted her to adopt me and me my Mum, to be MINE and not have other clients. I talked it all through with her and as embarrassing as it was, it really helped.
It was reassuring for her to tell me that she had experienced the same with a female T that she had seen and also had experienced erotic transference with a previous male T that she had seen.

Through talking about it, I have come to realise its perfectly normal. That helps me not freak out about it, and that has helped a lot.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I have a few weeks where I want her to be my Mum again, but that doesn't last long and its not as 'desperate' as it once was

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Transference is reality. The feelings are real and so important to heed and address. They just may be disproportionate in terms of what evokes them, a combination of feelings based on current events and old ones. Transference is not the type of thing that just disappears overnight or after one good session... it's a pattern of relating, it's deep-seated. Transference typically takes some significant effort and ongoing discussion to resolve.

I actually think that acne analogy is pretty fitting... transference is like adolescence, lol, and there will be flare ups and clearer periods, but it won't really resolve until you hit emotional adulthood and finish processing everything in your past that still needs attention.

Yes and no. The transference makes me perceive that she's not caring, doesn't want to listen to me, not comforting. That she's pushing me away, frustrated, etc. THAT is not reality - that is my perception due to the transference because I see her/EXPECT her to act like my mom. Of course she cares, she listens and has made me feel better. It's just so much harder to see and when it's so hard, I need her to try harder and point it out.

[coolibrarian]

It comes and goes for me. When it's here, I try to figure out why, and sometimes I bring it up with T, sometimes not.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Cherbiej

It comes and goes for me. When it's here, I try to figure out why, and sometimes I bring it up with T, sometimes not.

I usually don't realize it's happened until my session is over and I'm home. What a weird, out of control experience!

[always_wondering]

My transference with T has been a bell shape- curved experience. Not much in the beginning and then it swelled until it was terribly painful. I read everything and anything I could about it, and talked to T, and the pain started to subside. Each week it got better. We still have some investigative work to do to try and understand where it is coming from. The longing is still there, but after 2+ years, it is much less bothersome.