First Email to T

So I sent an email to my T for the very first time two days ago. It was about a letter I need from her for school nothing personal or anything. I started it out with saying, "Hi T. It's Lilac. You last saw me on Monday at 3 in case you need to look up who I am or whatnot."

Looking back I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it because I mean did I really think she wouldn't remember me? I've known her for two years, been going once weekly consistently for one year, and I've see her twice a week for a month now. I mean she does see a lot of clients though. I wonder how many she sees exactly. Maybe what I said was warranted. I kind of want to ask her, but one, I'm not sure if she would tell me, and two, I don't think knowing that would make me feel any better. Anyway I do put some of the blame on that I had a lot going on that day and it was a little late at night. Let's just say lesson learned. She's told me before she doesn't really check her email a lot, so I should call her and let her know I emailed her if I do which is why I've never emailed her before.

So I was panicking all day yesterday and today about this praying she wouldn't see it, but of course I get an email from her tonight saying, "Of course I remember you," and that she wrote down to remember about the letter and that she'll see me tomorrow.

Now I'm panicked that she's going to get really mad at me or feel really hurt by this. What if she thinks this is because of transference or she wants to terminate or she wants to take away my second sessions. I think I'm just catastrophizing, but that doesn't really make me feel better, so any reassurance would be nice. Ugh. I just feel really dumb right now.

Your T doesn't think poorly of you for your email. Trust, my T has v gotten some crazy stuff from me via e-mail, and he hasn't batted an eye at any of it.

I think it is interesting that you might have thought she had forgotten you. This could lead to some useful insights. (When you talk it over, I mean.)

No one would think poorly of you. It sounds like you were being very humble in your approach, not making assumptions. We frequently judge ourselves more harshly than others do. A way to look at it could be to to ask yourself what you would think if someone sent you the email you wrote? Would you judge them?

Your T will not be mad at you or feel hurt. Rather, I believe she'll want to explore why you are afraid that she'd feel that way. If it's because of transference, that's a good thing to talk about, too. She won't want you to terminate because you are having a FEELING about something. Gentle hugs.