I want a transitional object from my therapist

Hi,
I would really like some help here. About 3 weeks ago my anxiety levels were at an all time low. I asked my t if he could give me something that belonged to him that when I felt especially anxious, I could get out & hold on to. I felt that it would allow me to have him with me. I gave him examples of what I thought it could be, like a rusty old nail, or an old key or a stone from his garden, but it had to be something of his. He then told me that what I was asking for was a transitional object which would work like a child's security blanket. He said he would think about something that would be suitable. However, I am still waiting!! A week after I'd mentioned it, I was having a rant about my sister & I mentioned that I was angry with her because she wanted something of mine that used to belong to my mum, so that she could feel closer to her. I got angry & said that if I couldn't have a transitional object then I didn't see why she should have one. (I was at that time, the child in the room!). Even that didn't bring a response for my earlier request. So now I am left with the thought that he (my t) has either forgotten, doesn't want to, or doesn't give a s*it. It is making me angry one minute & hurt the next. What should I do?

I don't think your T forgot or doesn't care it's that sometimes it's hard finding a transitional object he thinks would be best for you and your situation. My T brought up the idea of a transitional object two weeks ago and it was my job to find something that would help me when I become anxious and that has meaning for me. I would maybe brining it up again and seeing what he has to say about it.

JoBo, maybe you want to remind him about your earlier request? I hate it when my ex-T acted as though we did not have a certain conversation, though she never explicitly says she doesn't remember and will concede when prompted. Perhaps your T hasn't thought of anything suitable yet. I don't think he's trying to hurt you on purpose.

Hi, He did suggest I find a sort of 'talisman' that would represent what he is for me, but I've tried that & I can't 'feel' him with that. I don't want to nag him, but did tell him I felt it was a 'need' for me. I think if I just ask him outright, I know I will come across as an impatient needy child.

I'm not a therapist, but in my mind they all seem to want to be comforting but not too comforting. I wouldn't doubt he purposely makes you wait, so in the meantime you keep thinking about why it is you want this so much. Realistically he can't comfort you 100% of the time, nor would having a rusty nail of his (lol, why a rusty nail??) so I guess I'm saying his job is to teach you how to do that for yourself, which means frustrating you a lot. Welcome to the club.

My T jotted down some things to look up. Apps, books, etc. I kept that little scrap of paper. Feels pathetic, but....

But she also gave me one of those things you squeeze in your hand for stress. It wasn't really hers....a client had given her some from a company he worked for to hand out....

i think u should just bring it up again.

i have some transitional objects from my T. i sleep with one which is a stuffed animal moose. it makes me feel safer at night

Lol. The rusty old nail came from the fact that I needed him to know that it was not important to me as to what it was, but what it held for me. It has no 'monetary value' but special value for me. I hope that explains it, as I don't want you to think I may have 'additional issues' which may include a fetish for rust!! Lol.

I'm collecting little transitional objects from my T. Recently she wrote an encouraging comment to me in her own handwriting...that I have saved. I'm pretty easy. Lol

PrevT let me take home (borrow) one of the throw pillows in her office. I also saved everything she wrote for me.

I know it's not the same... but can you get a business card or appointment card from your T (especially if he writes the appointment on it for you)? Would that help at all?

My T won't give me a transitional object till we terminate But it's because she wants me to value the relationship and not an object while she's still in my life. I agree. But when she took her last vacation, she gave me a hand-written letter to hold onto. She's also let me borrow her favorite book in her office. She doesn't mind me borrowing things, but I'm always afraid of ruining them, so I try not to borrow.

I don't think a simple reminder would bother your T.

I wish I'd asked my t for something like that before she moved.

I know this isn't the question, but what kind of little thing would you want as a t.o.? I'd there anything you could think of that you know would be helpful? My t sometimes wears these really colourful bracelets, and I've always wanted to ask her if I could have one. What would you want?

Yeah, that would do it, except he does not do business cards. Us Brit's r a bit behind you others in the advertising malarkey. I think I am going to have to just bring it up, because it is going to get in the way of anything else we are working on. I am please3d that I have had so many people reading this, because I feel that I am not the only one who feels like this. Please keep your comments coming in. I will get back to you guys tomorrow after my session & let you know how it goes. I just hope he won't throw me 'over board' after tomorrow!!!

I have T's business card, and previous T gave me one too - she actually went out of her way to give it to me; it was unnecessary, as all the T's cards were out in the lobby and I had already taken one. I thought it a bit strange and unnecessary at the time, but I understand now.
Business cards though... I don't know. They're kind of impersonal... I don't feel I need something from T. His words stay with me, and sometimes I'll reread old emails and that's enough.
With previous T I did the 'tailisman' idea - I have a nice snuggly handknit blankie that reminded me of her. I slept with it for the longest time.

Thank you for your support, I so value it. My 'T' introduced me to 'the inner child' which was incredibly powerful. I went out & bought a Steiff teddy! (Alfie, & I love him) However, I want something from my 'T'. (My Dad, actually!) & nothing else will do. XXX

Do you know what? You are so right. Anything is something to hold on to. You are most definitely NOT pathetic! My t goes nuts when I tell him I am pathetic, so it made me chuckle when you wrote that word 'pathetic'. XXX

I hope it goes well today. Keep us posted.

Someone asked if we could have something, what we would want. She has a beautiful shawl hanging over her chair. I'd give anything to have it.... (although I'd never tell her that). One time when I dissociated she covered me with it.

I would love something like a shawl or a scarf or sweater. I'm also okay if she went out a bought me something that reminded her of me. I prefer a soft cuddly object. Supposedly, she's not going to do that though Maybe she'll forget she said that by the time we terminate

I have a small teddy bear that I look at when I need to "talk" to t between sessions. Sometimes it's enough. I have a dog stuffed animal that I got when I was 2 years old, that I took in with me to t one time when I still saw her in person when we were working with my inner little girl and she held him and said hello to him (it was so cute that she did that) and that would be perfect for a sort of transitional object, since she held him, but I have since lost it, I know it's in my house somewhere but I can't find it. I feel very sad about losing him. I've had him for 50 years through relationship breakups, job losses, moves, the horrible period of depression, etc. and now he's missing. sorry to get off on a tangent.

Hi, My T has been doing a lot of work with me on my inner child. About 2 months ago, I bought a very expensive Steiff teddy. I went to the shop with my inner child & that was the teddy she chose!! My inner child has very expensive taste!!! I was thinking of taking 'Alfie' in to session for T to meet him. I know my T would approve but I feel that Alfie & me are a team where we don't want anyone else to 'disturb our peace' Thank you for your post. XXX

I know exactly what you mean. Almost every time I go in to therapy I ask her for a blanket. I feel vulnerable when I arrive. If she were to let me use a blanket it would make things easier.

Just a suggestion, here is what I did. Instead of waiting for your T to give you an object,
take the initiative and provide one for them to hold, handle, hug. What has worked for me is a stuffed owl. My therapist used to be up at all hours of the night, sometimes he would respond or send me an email at 3am so I used to call him my night owl.

This was hard for me but I did it. I trusted him so, that he wouldn't laugh at me, make me feel stupid and childish so one day I brought my owl (in a brown paper bag I might add) to my session. I introduced him, (named him after my T of course...a nickname) to him and asked if he would hold him and let him sit with him during our session. I must admit it was hard to not crack a smile the whole time as my T honored my request. I left with my owl back in the paper bag. I slept with him that night, hugging him tight....you know, it really worked to comfort me. Since that day, I have brought him in twice. Once a year later for a recharge.....and to my final session where my T squeezed him a bunch of times, put him to his face and let him sit on his lap....what a sweet guy. At no time did he make me feel foolish. Now that my T has retired, I connect with my owl often. Sometimes just a "Hi T" as I walk by him perched in my bedroom where he can overlook me. Sometimes just a quick hug. Sometimes I sleep with him, hidden underneath the covers so my husband cant see. I think my husband must have seen him on the floor, or moved around but he has never mentioned it. He must think I'm a nut. He knows there is something with me and owls but doesn't know it represents my Ex-T. I cant tell you how much comfort this has brought to me. I feel like my T can hear my cries, my words when I hug the owl.

Now I have a collection of owls items in my office. My Ex-T gave me a photo he took of an owl that I keep there. He watches me during the day. And my stuffie at night.
I am thinking about getting a tatoo of an owl but haven't had the courage as of yet.

So, again, try bringing something to your T as they may never understand how much it might mean to you and may never get around to it.

Hi Masimo, That is an awesome suggestion. Thank you for that. I think that's just simply brilliant. If my T holds and treasures my item, even for a moment, I know that will work for me. Thank you so so much. XXX