[Syra]

1) Sometimes clients leave Ts because they are getting to too close to something and the client would be better served by sticking around and working it through.

2) Sometimes the T has issues that interfere with the client's therapy and it isn't good, and sometimes not healthy, to continue with the T. Sometimes it doesn't work anymore. There isn't enough trust. the T isn't good with the current issue. The T is going through something that interferes with the Ts ability to stay with the client. Something is off.

Are there clues to help decide whether it's 1) or 2)

[Utterly]

If there is resistance or 'feelings' then that's a good sign that there is work to be done. That is you don't *want* to talk about something but you feel you should, that's resistance or an enactment of a defense.

If you're (a) bored, (b) feeling zero connection (not negative feelings- that can be a sign of transferential enactment,) then its likely that therapy isn't working with this T.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by Utterly

If there is resistance or 'feelings' then that's a good sign that there is work to be done. That is you don't *want* to talk about something but you feel you should, that's resistance or an enactment of a defense.

If you're (a) bored, (b) feeling zero connection (not negative feelings- that can be a sign of transferential enactment,) then its likely that therapy isn't working with this T.

I think that you just answered the thing I have been struggling with all week. Thank you.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Utterly

If there is resistance or 'feelings' then that's a good sign that there is work to be done. That is you don't *want* to talk about something but you feel you should, that's resistance or an enactment of a defense.

If you're (a) bored, (b) feeling zero connection (not negative feelings- that can be a sign of transferential enactment,) then its likely that therapy isn't working with this T.

Yes & Yes.

That's kind of scary. #1 could have been answer for me except other things interfered with T and were the reason for the ending. #2 I wonder if my T had negative feelings towards me and that is why he betrayed me? I wonder if he had "issues" with me. I thought we had a great connection. I wonder what HE was thinking? He didn't tell me! Throughout my life, I have always gotten along well with most people. What went wrong with my T? I am just heartbroken over it.

[missbella]

And I'd argue: negative feelings easily be an in-proportion, justified reaction to a real offense or provocation. There easily can be subtle power issues at play. And even more tricky, these provocations can be quite subtle.
http://www.amazon.com/Gaslighting-In.../dp/1568218281
And to further complicate: there's no deity-on-high dictating what the correct reaction or proportions are.

Originally Posted by Utterly

If you're (a) bored, (b) feeling zero connection (not negative feelings- that can be a sign of transferential enactment,) then its likely that therapy isn't working with this T.

[Utterly]

Originally Posted by Syra

Yes & Yes.

If both are occuring its either; frustration, over your desire to work, and the inability or inaction of the therapist,

or

a rupture or misunderstanding of some part of the therapeutic relationship (or frame, even.) You need, in this case to backtrack to find where the misperception or misunderstanding occured.

---

The first is tougher to solve than the second; Its indicative of an overwhelming inflexible component, either in your or the therapist's self:

Sometimes client and therapist battle, due to subconscious defenses that conflict. This requires talking it out, honestly, and each side giving a little, to let the work continue.

Sometimes the client brings in defenses, so sharpened to perceived attacks, and able to deflect that its brutally difficult to work with. The inability to penetrate an impenetrable facade is just a reality of therapy. Therapists have a limit to their ability to do intentional interviewing in the face of a brick wall. A different methodology and/or a T with more emotional(/compassionate) 'fuel' to continue is probably indicated.

Lastly, a therapist can be stuck themselves, in either a belief that a client has to work in a certain way, or the fact that they are right and the client is wrong. If this relates to the frame or boundaries, the therapist could have a genuine point (see above.) Or if it relates to the work itself, this could be justified in prior experience by the therapist, but the client is a new person, and the T is conflating or confusing the two.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by Utterly

Or if it relates to the work itself, this could be justified in prior experience by the therapist, but the client is a new person, and the T is conflating or confusing the two.

I think that this was the problem with my last therapist. When the erotic transference started she thought that I was someone that I wasn't, and became totally withdrawn, and then accused me of being the kind of client that made people not want to practice anymore. It was like she stopped seeing who I was, and thought that I was far more dangerous than I was. She even moved out of the state after out therapy ended.

[missbella]

Depletion, that sounds like a nightmare in every way.

I had to leave the therapy framework and vocabulary to understand my bad therapy, particularly since the therapist team insisted the conflicts were all my problem, all my transference.

And that was by looking at the therapy relationship alongside what would be my reactions in everyday life. Were they--rude. Were they highhanded? Did they disrespect me? Were they dismissive and insistent on their viewpoints? Check, check, check, check. Were they acting out of my bests interests or their vanity? Were they controlled and professional, or out of control and emotional?

Additionally I had to look at their control on me and how that evolved. Their promises, actual and implied, their rules, their control of the narrative, had a large effect on how I related to them.

Events were extremely confusing because my therapists insisted the rupture was all because of my transference, and they thought my "cure" would be my realizing their correctness and my "distortions."

My transference certainly magnified my hurt and bewilderment. But I had real responses to real events.