Therapist inconsistency in texting/ emailing?

Petra5ed · Nov 09, 2014, 05:06 PM

I get that therapists don't normally email or text often, but I'm curious if this has happened to anyone else. I've noticed my therapist is very inconsistent. Sometimes we might exchange 4-5 short texts a week, other times he suddenly ignores my texts for weeks. I realize he has a life, but no one else I know has this kind of inconsistent pattern. Is this a technique? I'm finding it very confusing and frustrating.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 09, 2014, 06:16 PM

I have only texted my T once. Normally, I email. Her responses can vary. Sometimes I get "Don't worry. We'll discuss it on Tuesday", "I'm concerned you're causing yourself unnecessary anxiety", the "I'm proud of you", and sometimes I get a little more in depth. But normally, I get no response. For me it's because I don't read her emails in the right tone of voice, so they tend to make the situation worse

This week I emailed her five times. First, I was upset my dog was sick = no response. Second, I said that therapy makes puppies tired too = a thumbs up. Third, a picture of my website = woah! impressive. Fourth, a picture of a Caucasian Shepherd = no response. Fifth, the outcome of the vet visit = no response.

She's random, but I expect that.

MrPink182 · Nov 09, 2014, 06:23 PM

No offense Scarlet, but if all of her patients emailed her 5 times in a week, she would probably have a million emails. I wouldn't worry at all at her non-responses.

I'm not trying to sound smart, but maybe your T is just a very busy person. My T doesn't even have text/email access with her clients.

ThisWayOut · Nov 09, 2014, 06:39 PM

I only have phone access with my t, and even that is mostly for me to leave her info,. The only time she responds is if it's a scheduling thing, or if I specifically ask for a call back.
Petra5ed, that inconsistency would drive me nuts. Does it change with the content of your texts?

Petra5ed · Nov 09, 2014, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I only have phone access with my t, and even that is mostly for me to leave her info,. The only time she responds is if it's a scheduling thing, or if I specifically ask for a call back.
Petra5ed, that inconsistency would drive me nuts. Does it change with the content of your texts?

For several months there were texts, some of which he initiated, like "how are you?" Maybe once a week or every other week, and I'd send a short reply. Now those texts have stopped, and if I text something whether it's light or heavy, or in response to something he asked me in session I usually get no response, unless it's scheduling related. I make a point not to ask anything that requires a lengthy response, but some of the non responses have been odd, because 99% of other people would respond "thanks" or "congrats" or... Something! I'm too embarrassed to bring it up. :/. It's like he cared about me for a few months and has stopped.

Lauliza · Nov 09, 2014, 07:26 PM

I think it's likely that the inconsistency is just due to the fact that your T is busy at some times more than others. Texting is pretty immediate- they tend to get answered either right away or not at all. I know if I get a text and don't respond soon after, I usually forget about it later on. I only check my texts when I see a notification. It's probably the same for your T - it's just the nature of texting.

CantExplain · Nov 09, 2014, 07:28 PM

Madame T was quite inconsistent. She would always reply if I made her angry enough! Which, when you think about it, is not very therapeutic.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 09, 2014, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrPink182

No offense Scarlet, but if all of her patients emailed her 5 times in a week, she would probably have a million emails. I wouldn't worry at all at her non-responses.

I'm not trying to sound smart, but maybe your T is just a very busy person. My T doesn't even have text/email access with her clients.

I wasn't complaining about the fact that my T didn't respond. I actually said it's expected.

You're not aware of the agreement my T and I have. I'm allowed to email as many pictures as I want (but no cats), and I'm allowed to email as many updates as I want. I do NOT expect a response. However, in the case of an emergency or me needing reassurance, she WILL respond. But I'm supposed to call, not email. She is a very busy person (private practice, teaching, husband and a 1 1/2 year old). She sets her own limits and I constantly check that I'm not crossing a boundary.

Don't worry about me or my T

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 09, 2014, 07:32 PM

Petra5ed: I do think you should ask your T. Just simply ask for reassurance. Or ask fir clarification. You're not demanding responses, but I think if you at least understood, you might feel better. Like others have said, maybe he forgot or was just busy. There can be many reasons and I don't think it's unreasonable you want to understand.

Lauliza · Nov 09, 2014, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

For several months there were texts, some of which he initiated, like "how are you?" Maybe once a week or every other week, and I'd send a short reply. Now those texts have stopped, and if I text something whether it's light or heavy, or in response to something he asked me in session I usually get no response, unless it's scheduling related. I make a point not to ask anything that requires a lengthy response, but some of the non responses have been odd, because 99% of other people would respond "thanks" or "congrats" or... Something! I'm too embarrassed to bring it up. :/. It's like he cared about me for a few months and has stopped.

It's possible he decided to pull back on texting his clients. If he was texting you he probably allowed the same of others and it's possible it became too much. I think that caring Ts do this because they want to be available clients. The problem is, the more clients you have, the harder it is to consistently respond. So they stop initiating texts and emails and keep them centered around business related matters. Texting clients when it's not of an urgent nature can make it hard to maintain a personal life.

Petra5ed · Nov 09, 2014, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Madame T was quite inconsistent. She would always reply if I made her angry enough! Which, when you think about it, is not very therapeutic.

Maybe I should try making him angry? That's one thing I haven't really done.

musinglizzy · Nov 09, 2014, 07:56 PM

Scarlet, ya got me so curious....why no cats? LOL
Of course, most of my pics are of my cats....

junkDNA · Nov 09, 2014, 11:01 PM

i have two numbers for my T. one is his office or work number. i guess teh other one is his personal number. but i usually text the other one, not the office one, but this is bc it was the one he gave me first.

anyway, i text my T a lot. like every day. he respnds a good bit. sometimes its serious things and sometimes its just silly stuff. i dont expect him to respond to all my texts.

there have been times when i was in distress and he didnt respond. it was confusing. but i think his reasons are that he wants me to be able to cope on my own. but idont know. cuz sometimes he does respond to those situations.

it is confusing. i guess i dont really understand it either

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 09, 2014, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Scarlet, ya got me so curious....why no cats? LOL
Of course, most of my pics are of my cats....

Lol...T hates cats. She told me to never send her pictures of cats

So I respect that. But I do agree it's odd.

musinglizzy · Nov 10, 2014, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Lol...T hates cats. She told me to never send her pictures of cats

So I respect that. But I do agree it's odd.

Did you suggest that perhaps she needs to see a therapist for her hatred of cats? Hopefully she's kinda kidding, because I hate plenty of things myself, but wouldn't ban them from others...

brillskep · Nov 10, 2014, 12:13 AM

It's not a technique. Therapists need to be consistent with their behavior / boundaries. Sometimes they fail.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 10, 2014, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Did you suggest that perhaps she needs to see a therapist for her hatred of cats? Hopefully she's kinda kidding, because I hate plenty of things myself, but wouldn't ban them from others...

She doesn't ban them from me. I like cats. I had a chinchilla persian and a snowshoe. She just doesn't want pictures sent to her because she wouldn't enjoy them.

And we all have admitted that Ts aren't perfect. She has other weird things she hates...but that's another post

Nov 10, 2014, 01:39 AM

My therapist is inconsistent like that with texts too. Drives me crazy.

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