[ThingWithFeathers]

I could never be angry with her. No matter what she were to say or do, I would still care deeply about her. I just can't imagine ever having negative feelings toward her.

Anyone else in this boat?

[Partless]

That's sweet. I often wondered about possibility of unconditional positive regarding from Ts, not other way around. This says more about you than your T, I think.

[Depletion]

I love my T a lot but I get mad at her all the time. But that's because its safe to get mad at her.

[Partless]

Just want to add something, that a person could have positive regard AND be mad at the person sometimes. Acceptance doesn't mean never getting mad at somebody. I think it's about caring for somebody at a level much deeper than that and can coexist with various feelings like being frustrated or angry with the person sometimes.

Or maybe not, it's just how I understand it, and I could be wrong.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by Partless

Just want to add something, that a person could have positive regard AND be mad at the person sometimes. Acceptance doesn't mean never getting mad at somebody. I think it's about caring for somebody at a level much deeper than that and can coexist with various feelings like being frustrated or angry with the person sometimes.

Or maybe not, it's just how I understand it, and I could be wrong.

I think that makes a lot of since.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by Partless

Just want to add something, that a person could have positive regard AND be mad at the person sometimes. Acceptance doesn't mean never getting mad at somebody. I think it's about caring for somebody at a level much deeper than that and can coexist with various feelings like being frustrated or angry with the person sometimes.

Or maybe not, it's just how I understand it, and I could be wrong.

Yes, that makes sense to me. I suppose what I have is unconditional positive regard AND an inability to be angry with her. I have trouble showing, and feeling, anger anyway, so this might explain some of it.

I have never had one moment of negative feeling toward her, just love.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

Yes, that makes sense to me. I suppose what I have is unconditional positive regard AND an inability to be angry with her. I have trouble showing, and feeling, anger anyway, so this might explain some of it.

I have never had one moment of negative feeling toward her, just love.

I think that its great that you have such lovely feeling for your T, but I hope that you can feel safe enough to get angry sometime. I'm sure that she will still love you, and you will still love her if you do.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

Yes, that makes sense to me. I suppose what I have is unconditional positive regard AND an inability to be angry with her. I have trouble showing, and feeling, anger anyway, so this might explain some of it.

I have never had one moment of negative feeling toward her, just love.

Well you do sound like you really love your T and care for this person. Your T is lucky to have you as a client.

As far as anger, I'm in the same boat, I have trouble expressing it, either don't at all or when I do on rare occasion, I feel like a bad person or like my anger is so out of control it's going to damage everybody, me, the target person, the relationship, everything. But it's good to try it out once in a while with a T, when you do feel angry. Positive result reinforces that you can be angry and it's just fine, nothing awful will happen. That's what I try to do.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by Partless

As far as anger, I'm in the same boat, I have trouble expressing it, either don't at all or when I do on rare occasion, I feel like a bad person or like my anger is so out of control it's going to damage everybody, me, the target person, the relationship, everything. But it's good to try it out once in a while with a T, when you do feel angry. Positive result reinforces that you can be angry and it's just fine, nothing awful will happen. That's what I try to do.

You and I are the same with anger. If I even show the tiniest bit of irritation, the feelings of guilt are too overwhelming to deal with. It's like: get angry and feel guilty or hold it all in and avoid those guilty feelings.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

You and I are the same with anger. If I even show the tiniest bit of irritation, the feelings of guilt are too overwhelming to deal with. It's like: get angry and feel guilty or hold it all in and avoid those guilty feelings.

Oh my God, isn't guilt the worst? It's like a monster eating you from the inside. I was always sensitive to feeling guilt, even as a little boy, but then when the thing with my sister happened (psychiatric hospitalization), I became 50 times more sensitive to it, to the point it disabled my natural and spontaneous emotional reaction. For a guilty person, being involved in a trauma is the worst.

Example: So somebody keeps calling me and I lose it one day and like say something, like, "X, please don't call me again today, I'm busy. Like I told you several times last week, I don't like it when you keep calling me like six seven times the same day, okay?" As I'm saying it, I notice my own angry tone, start turning red and sweating, feeling totally tense, and also can hear the footstep of guilt. I can hear guilt whispering things, "you know she is lonely...you know she is going through stuff...what if you broke her heart...what if something bad happened to her." I end up worried about her all day and then next day too and might even be the person to call her and just to make sure she's okay. And this happens with everybody, like everybody is fragile, or maybe I'm so angry or dangerous that I can damage people who are doing just fine. Either way, my body essentially tells me the safest thing is to never express anger because I can damage people pretty good.

It can be really tough to fight the guilt. Really tough.

[stopdog]

I do not have unconditional positive regard about the therapist I see. Anger is not a problem for me. I don't mind being angry at the woman.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by Partless

Oh my God, isn't guilt the worst? It's like a monster eating you from the inside. I was always sensitive to feeling guilt, even as a little boy, but then when the thing with my sister happened (psychiatric hospitalization), I became 50 times more sensitive to it, to the point it disabled my natural and spontaneous emotional reaction. For a guilty person, being involved in a trauma is the worst.

Example: So somebody keeps calling me and I lose it one day and like say something, like, "X, please don't call me again today, I'm busy. Like I told you several times last week, I don't like it when you keep calling me like six seven times the same day, okay?" As I'm saying it, I notice my own angry tone, start turning red and sweating, feeling totally tense, and also can hear the footstep of guilt. I can hear guilt whispering things, "you know she is lonely...you know she is going through stuff...what if you broke her heart...what if something bad happened to her." I end up worried about her all day and then next day too and might even be the person to call her and just to make sure she's okay. And this happens with everybody, like everybody is fragile, or maybe I'm so angry or dangerous that I can damage people who are doing just fine. Either way, my body essentially tells me the safest thing is to never express anger because I can damage people pretty good.

It can be really tough to fight the guilt. Really tough.

It can really rule your life and stop you from being honest with yourself and others. I know that feeling you describe all too well.

[StressedMess]

Originally Posted by Partless

Oh my God, isn't guilt the worst? It's like a monster eating you from the inside. I was always sensitive to feeling guilt, even as a little boy, but then when the thing with my sister happened (psychiatric hospitalization), I became 50 times more sensitive to it, to the point it disabled my natural and spontaneous emotional reaction. For a guilty person, being involved in a trauma is the worst.

Example: So somebody keeps calling me and I lose it one day and like say something, like, "X, please don't call me again today, I'm busy. Like I told you several times last week, I don't like it when you keep calling me like six seven times the same day, okay?" As I'm saying it, I notice my own angry tone, start turning red and sweating, feeling totally tense, and also can hear the footstep of guilt. I can hear guilt whispering things, "you know she is lonely...you know she is going through stuff...what if you broke her heart...what if something bad happened to her." I end up worried about her all day and then next day too and might even be the person to call her and just to make sure she's okay. And this happens with everybody, like everybody is fragile, or maybe I'm so angry or dangerous that I can damage people who are doing just fine. Either way, my body essentially tells me the safest thing is to never express anger because I can damage people pretty good.

It can be really tough to fight the guilt. Really tough.

And then you get to beat yourself up, for saying "no" and asking for what you need. Oh, you just described me!!

So my T told me, ask for what you need before you get angry/lose your patience. This is setting healthy boundaries. Also saying no is not mean in and of itself, so don't feel guilty that you can't accommodate someone else's want or need, and feel good because you set boundaries from a good thinking place and not from a resentful reacting place.

I didn't say I was able to practice this, just that I recognize it and am seeking to change it.

Good luck!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I love my T. I could never hate her in anyway.

But I do get angry, mad, hurt, or frustrated with her. She has gotten frustrated with me too It's healthy. But it took me a long long time to be okay with anger...way before current T. I used to hate anger. Now, I just recognize that anger is not only an acceptable feeling, but it can also be useful it used in the right way.

So even if I'm angry or hurt with someone (my T, family, people here on PC ), it doesn't mean I don't care. In fact, it shows that I do care.

And I will ALWAYS love my T

[junkDNA]

ive def been angry at my T. i threatened to slit his throat once. he was unphased lol. but thruout all the anger i still feel positively towards him. i agree with what depletion said...i get angry at my T but it feels safe. bc i know he wont get mad at me or hurt me in return. i had to learn how to figure that out. i tested him a lot in the beginning. i dont really know why he stayed with me when it was pretty clear i didnt want to get better for a long time. i wonder what he saw in me that made him stay?

[ThingWithFeathers]

So my lack of anger is another issue all together! I just don't know how to express it. Don't get me wrong, I do feel anger sometimes (not with my t) but can't let anyone know about my anger. Maybe, one day, my t will ask me to work through these issues. Then ... well, we'll see how it goes.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

So my lack of anger is another issue all together! I just don't know how to express it. Don't get me wrong, I do feel anger sometimes (not with my t) but can't let anyone know about my anger. Maybe, one day, my t will ask me to work through these issues. Then ... well, we'll see how it goes.

Or you could always tell her...

[lifetimemeds]

Isn't also possible that you have fear of rejection or loss of her love if you were angry or had negative feelings about your T. You do not yet feel safe with total trust with her. So you must have adoring love for T and always positive to keep therapeutic relationship intact. Eventually every good therapist will stir the pot and push your buttons so you can heal. It won't feel very good and you will feel anger and resentment. You work through those issues and the result is progress. Therapy that always makes you feel good means you are not confronting the difficult issues in life.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by lifetimemeds

Isn't also possible that you have fear of rejection or loss of her love if you were angry or had negative feelings about your T. You do not yet feel safe with total trust with her. So you must have adoring love for T and always positive to keep therapeutic relationship intact. Eventually every good therapist will stir the pot and push your buttons so you can heal. It won't feel very good and you will feel anger and resentment. You work through those issues and the result is progress. Therapy that always makes you feel good means you are not confronting the difficult issues in life.

Maybe I do trust her more than I have ever trusted anyone else, but I think there is some truth in what you say.

[precaryous]

I have the sweetest most gentle T. I have angry with her once about a situation. I wrote all my thoughts out and took them to the next session and read them to her...I was very angry...ready to quit therapy... But I cried through the whole thing. It turned out to be a misunderstanding.

[Ad Intra]

I've been angry at my therapist 3 or 4 times. She makes mistakes and can seem emotionally distant. She and I are not perfect in any light, but I look over her mistakes or my anger towards her becuase I know she means well.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

And then you get to beat yourself up, for saying "no" and asking for what you need. Oh, you just described me!!

So my T told me, ask for what you need before you get angry/lose your patience. This is setting healthy boundaries. Also saying no is not mean in and of itself, so don't feel guilty that you can't accommodate someone else's want or need, and feel good because you set boundaries from a good thinking place and not from a resentful reacting place.

I didn't say I was able to practice this, just that I recognize it and am seeking to change it.

Good luck!

LOL....I swear we have the same T!

[Raging Quiet]

I was the same to my t for years, then a few things happened and I became suddenly furious at her; it was probably what started my healing in the end, now we have a more equal relationship.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

I was the same to my t for years, then a few things happened and I became suddenly furious at her; it was probably what started my healing in the end, now we have a more equal relationship.

Thanks for sharing. There's a few emotions I need to get in touch with, anger being one. But I really think that, for me, the moment I allow myself to cry in front of my t will be the moment I start to heal. I've been seeing her for 18 months for trauma related stuff and have shed only one or two small tears. Yep, when I'm able to cry with my t, I will be able to heal!