[Musica91]

I've been in therapy for a while, and I really trusted my therapist a lot. I have never trusted a therapist and I'm not very good at trusting anybody or anything , anyway.

So the fact that he got my trust was a pretty big deal!

Well, lately I don't know what his problem has been, but he changed how he interacted with me, and it freaked me out.

I tried to tell him but he just kept pounding away at how I need to change this, that, the other thing - the way I breathe and the way my heart beats, I think!

Finally today, he said something which didn't just hurt me - it really upset me and I told him basically where to go - that he was making me worse, not better, and I told him a number of other things.

He thought I was going to commit suicide, I guess. I wasn't except I have had those issues - but not today.

However, he did this in a text to me! And he did it when I was at work.

So later, he wanted to talk to me - and I did talk with him. He wanted to point out all my defects and everything I needed to change.

And I let him have it! I had tried and tried to tell him he was upsetting me by changing how he was with me, and damaging my trust - and finally he does this by text and does it in the middle of my work!

I really told him not only how I felt, but that I will have to think about whether I am going back or not. He said he was sorry and wanted to know if that restored my trust?

And I told him, no, that has to be restored in time, if it is at all.

So I am contemplating now whether or not to go back. Not only that, after this happened, my head is pounding so bad its coming off my shoulders - and I have very high BP that I fight all the time with two meds.

Therapists don't have any right to push too far. If their clients tell them they need a break, or they feel too overwhelmed, therapist should listen.

I'm mad - my status says irritated but I'm mad. Officially.

The only reason I might go back, is that it went so well before. But I don't know now......I don't know if its salvageable or not.

[Musica91]

One more thing about this: I have some of the training to be a therapist, but because I had not properly handled my own issues, I did not continue the training.

so I know a little about it from an insider point of view. And that means no therapist is going to pull too much on me that they should not.

I think this one was way out of line and he may have lost a client. The sad thing is that he may have lost a client that he was being very successful with.

[Musica91]

Oh yes, and when he sent me the text he did at work, I reacted and literally walked out of work (I did give an excuse). It was that upsetting to me.

He had no right to cause that.

[HazelGirl]

It sounds like either you're misinterpreting things (due to transference maybe?) or he is a really ****** T. I am sorry. It is painful and difficult either way.

[Musica91]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It sounds like either you're misinterpreting things (due to transference maybe?) or he is a really ****** T. I am sorry. It is painful and difficult either way.

Might be a little mix, but I'm not actually sure, and you're right - either way, its not good.

[CantExplain]

Did he actually say, "You have to change this"? Or was it more, " You are experiencing the consequence of your choices and you might want to choose differently next time"?

[Petra5ed]

If my t texted me in the middle of the day about concern he had for me I would be happy and think it was a sign he cared! So, I'm not sure I get why you are mad... Or maybe I'm misunderstanding.

This doesn't sound helpful from him. I would still go back. I have sort of vowed to myself that I will always go back no matter how I feel to try and talk about it.

[StressedMess]

This puts a positive spin on the whole "no contact between sessions" thing.

I would have lost my mind! I'm sorry this happened to you.

[doyoutrustme]

maybe try taking a break, and see how you feel in a few months.

[brillskep]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds very painful, not being listened to when you tell your therapist something's not working out for you. If you really believe this is making you worse and not better, that's a good reason to consider not going back, even though it's so difficult especially if you don't trust easily at all. If you think your therapist will listen to you about what you need from therapy this time and if you still want to try, perhaps it might be worth going back for one or two sessions to decide what you will do, either terminate together or tell him what you need to change and figuring out a way therapy could be helpful for you again. I'm also in therapy with a therapist who has helped me a lot over the years and who seems to be getting worse for me and I can understand how hard it can be to ask yourself whether to stay for the sake of past success and keep trying, or walk away.

On the other hand, you haven't really told us what your therapist said in that text or what has hurt you so much. Without that, I find it hard to really get an idea about what he has done. I just get a sense that he's not listening to your feedback, and that's never okay.

[missbella]

Musica91, I'm survivor of a therapist team who dropped all professional demeanor and unleashed their fury at me, all in front of 10 other people in a therapy group. The female therapist even told me that I "MADE her want to KICK ME, " though she probably meant it in the best transactional analysis kind of way. (Anyone remember the pop psychology "I'm OK; You're OK?)

A respondent on my blog reported she received the same behavior from a therapist.

Some therapists think this behavior is bona fide technique. They let the blustering, berating Dr. Phil take over their brains. And I understand that old school Gestalt therapists believe the road to aliveness is telling us how rotten we are. It's the outgrowth of California-bell bottoms-In Your Face encounter group stuff.

I saw another Dr. Syrup drop her soothing shtick when my self-reporting interfered with her self-image as the great healer. A formerly patient, now-ex-music teacher, going through a therapist-coached divorce, unleashed on me recently. She ran through a litany of my every failing as a human being. Once they're out of supervision, little stops some therapists from their own weird inventions or going rogue. They are, after all, merely people who went to school and got a degree, like many of us.

"Pounding away at how I need to change this." "
He wanted to point out all my defects and everything I needed to change."

So, yeah, I've seen therapists do what you describe. I've seen MANY teachers do this. It's utterly lazy and stupid, equivalent of someone teaching algebra by screaming "DO THE PROBLEM." I find generally the more abusive a teacher or leader, the less knowledge and technique they possess, so they cover up through anger and volume.

I don't think anything happens in the therapy room that excuses insults and rudeness. Though clients and providers play roles, they never stop being human beings. I think courtesy a minimum requirement, and anyone behaving as you describe has completely abandoned their professionalism. My concept of trust is trusting myself. I wouldn't unconditionally surrender all judgment to a doctor or anyone else. Late psych professor Robert Baker in his book "Mind Games" also advises that. My definition of trust includes evaluating services I receive, and directing the situation if a professional falls down on the job.

This is a resource for those whose therapists were unprofessional. They will correspond with you if you email them. www.therapyabuse.org/

I'm sorry this happened to you and wish you well. I timidly expressed my objections when my therapists lost it with me. I wish I'd been less timid.