I've had a %#@&#! week. Most of the problems my own making. Went to T today and told her I really felt like "using". Just want to be in that warm, safe place. Where I don't need anyone.

I can tell when T is trying to get me to "see" because she kinds of twists about and crosses and uncrosses her legs. I wonder if she is aware of her body language? LOL maybe I should charge her for my session she has with me in my head LOL! sorry shouldnt laugh but hey!

ANyways I could see T twisting and I saw in a flash that unless i am willing to help myself also, she is "powerless". It was a bit scary seeing that. Or maybe it is that I am allowing myself to see that now?

I told her toward the end of session that I will not use. It is a cowards way out and a coward I am not.

With that we hugged and kissed. NAH not really LOL!! with that we ended the session.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Mouse.
It is good that you are realizing that you are worth more with your therapy and making better decisions regarding yourself and others around you. I hope the best for you in the future. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

[Talulah]

Lol mouse, you made me laugh with the hug and kiss!!!!

Anyway, what incredible insight, I know this may not seem like much coming from me, but I can "see" that you are progressing. You are articulating your feelings so much lately and I am enjoying reading your struggles as I feel you are growing while in an uncomfortable place and it really inspires me mouse....

You are a brave little one.......

Yes, she in essence is a bit "helpless"....you have to do it together, you need her hand as much as she needs yours.....be strong and keep up the courage.

[sunrise]

mouse, I could really relate to that, and to what Talulah wrote too. It lets our T's do their job so much better if we can help them out. I think my T has been struggling a bit lately with how to help me move forward. He's been hinting at that for the last month or so (just spit it out, T!). I gave him a lot of new stuff in our session last time that has now allowed him to see a new path and approach to helping me. He was so excited! He was so grateful! I think he is eager to start down this path now. I think it's familiar to him and he has ideas about what has worked in the past for other clients in a similar situation. It was great to see him so upbeat. Made me feel upbeat too, like it's not hopeless after all, like maybe I can solve this problem. Sometimes I feel that our T's also need to be more direct in asking us for help on how to help us. If that makes sense...

Way to go, mouse!

[Perna]

Yes. I still have in my head when my T said, "Not with THAT attitude!" and use it on myself now :-)

You should tell her your observations about her body language and the twisting; I bet you a zillion pounds she'd laugh and enjoy it too! You should say and laugh at charging her for your services, that's not "bad" and I've read over and over how T's say they learn as much/more from us as we do from them.
We're just as good a "mirror"/observer of our Ts and they are of us!