Ethics dilema

I think she was s a very good tutor with lots of experience but strong boundaries. She was reaching us ethics and the importance of self care and how could it be self care to hang the painting in her house with her family living there and it being a constant reminder of their journey together. I don't see it like that but she does.

Mona, I think it's okay not to agree with her view on gifts. I think you can also have strong and clear boundaries and still choose to accept gifts from clients (within reason of course.) It doesn't make you a better or worse therapist to allow gift giving or not in my opinion.
I actually think it should be addressed in the client/therapist contract at the beginning of therapy so that everyone is clear on the stance on small gifts. That would avoid most of that awkwardness.

I'll say, it makes me glad my T doesn't do the gift analysis thing LOL. Sometimes a book is just a book ;D

I had bought my xT small fidget toys for his office because there was nothing and I need to fidget with something. I have my own polished stones I use or my keychain. I was so pissed when he said that he does not except gifts. I yelled at him and said, "They are not for you! They are for your other poor clients who might need to hold one during session." He shut up and took them but I never saw them out in his office after that.

I gave my current T something I was not using and it was something he could benefit from. I mentioned it and said I was going to bring them int to him. Several months later he just hands them back and says he can't keep them. I will never give him or any T a gift ever because it can be devistating when they do not accept it or give it back.

I decided I was going to be rebellious and not ask if my T accepted gifts. I suspected he did (I'd seen a gift bag on his desk before, much too fancy to be anything he put together for someone else) but I decided I was going to do some alternate rebellion (he's a DBT trained T) and if he said he couldn't accept gifts, my response was going to be "Then I'm leaving it here because f*** your rules, throw it in the garbage for all I care."

It would seem, however, that since he accepted with a smile and a laugh, that it was not against his rules LOL.

I recently saw pictures of my former T's home as it was for sale. There were photos of several rooms, and I clearly saw a small gift I had given him about 10 years ago on a shelf a few feet away from what looked to be the reading/TV chair he would prefer. I can't see why he would have placed it so visibly if it posed any threat to his self-care.

This makes me wonder if it really isn't about boundaries or notions of self-care in this case, but rather the simple fact that your tutor didn't like this client or didn't want to be reminded of her therapy with her. I would wonder why that would be.

I think that is a lovely story feral, and I am glad to hear that your t was proud to display it in his home. I would like to think that most ts are proud of their work with clients and for a client to show how important that work was for them is a special symbol.
You know, I got the impression that somehow this client triggered something in my tutor and perhaps by hanging it, it would remind her of her own stuff or perhaps something that was brought up for her through this client.
I have seen a t who had lots of clients paintings in her room and she cherished them, so I guess it's a personal thing.

Oh my, I feel for that client and who have their gifts refused. It certainly depends on what kind of gift you give, there are appropriate ones and ones one should avoid in my opinion. I think a drawing/painting belongs to the first category.. and maybe Ts set taylor-made boundaries depending on the client. I showed my T a drawing once, it was for her but I didn't dare tell her as i read about gifts rejections on here. She liked it so much that she herself asked if I would mind her keeping it "only if I was really ok with it", I was so happy and said it was meant for her.
I don't understand refusing a small gift (if appropriate) and I think like Asiablue that it can do more harm than good.. crazy how some Ts just don't get it. Of course there is a meaning behind it, like for every present. Gratitude etc, not only in therapy. My T digs quite a lot into things at times, but more than once SHE told me "don't think so much about this!" when I was terrified about boundaries or asking things after reading some bad reactions from Ts somewhere else. As for the drawing we just talked about it and its meaning, it was related to therapy, and then nothing else. I'm grateful she didn't go on analyzing it in search of some obscure meaning that I hadn't even thought about.