I am training to be a t and today in class we discussing the giving of gifts to our Y's. Our tutor who is a t asked us all had we given our ts a gift before most answered yes but a few said no and that they wouldn't dream of it.
Our tutor than said she had been given a painting by a client before. I thought that was a lovely gesture but she declined the gift and went on to say that she wouldn't want anything a client gave her in her house. It really made me wonder about her but she went on to say that they had explored her clients motivations behind the gift. The client gave the gift on her last session and they both came to the conclusion that the client wanted to leave a piece of her behind in her ts house.
I am starting to think about things too much, can't a gift just be a gift.

[Asiablue]

I think gift-giving probably always has an unconscious motivation, regardless of whether the giver is gifting their therapist or their mother. What motivation do any of us have for giving a gift. I think on a surface level we can give gifts for altruistic reasons ie showing gratitude, to make someone happy etc but on a deeper lever there probably is something else behind it.
However I find it pretty churlish of a therapist not to graciously accept the gift. She didn't need to take it to her home if that's how she felt. But refusing a gift does more harm than good I think.

[Petra5ed]

Wow, I agree with asiablue. I know were all crazy and don't deserve anyone caring about us, but what a closing message to send to your client "I don't want your **** in my house." More and more I'm glad I found my T. He probably would just take the painting say thanks and throw it in the trash.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I agree with Asia. When I give a gift to my T or Pdoc, it comes with no expectations. For me, it's a way to give thanks and share with them a part of me. What they do with the gift is up to them. They can keep it at their office, their house, re-gift it, throw it away, use it for target practice, etc. I don't even ask. To me, it means the most that they accept it not what they do with it. And it actually helps me a lot with our relationships because they accept them.

Of course there's the issue of monetary value, and I would expect a T to refuse something that is pricey. But otherwise, I don't see an issue with accepting gifts.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I am training to be a t and today in class we discussing the giving of gifts to our Y's. Our tutor who is a t asked us all had we given our ts a gift before most answered yes but a few said no and that they wouldn't dream of it.
Our tutor than said she had been given a painting by a client before. I thought that was a lovely gesture but she declined the gift and went on to say that she wouldn't want anything a client gave her in her house. It really made me wonder about her but she went on to say that they had explored her clients motivations behind the gift. The client gave the gift on her last session and they both came to the conclusion that the client wanted to leave a piece of her behind in her ts house.
I am starting to think about things too much, can't a gift just be a gift.

I agree, a gift can be a gift. But I think a lot of these things really depend on the therapist, the client, and the kind of therapy they are doing. It may be that your T was constantly fighting off the particular client attempt to intrude into her private world and she saw this last thing as one last attempt. So naturally refused it. Now it may be the client meant it only as a gift, as a goodbye, as an expression of appreciation. But like I said, if it was particularly expensive, if it fit into a long standing pattern of behavior between the two, the T may have read much more into the gift and reacted based on that. Did your tutor mention anything else about her client or their relationship?

[boredporcupine]

Honestly, to come to a conclusion that a client wants to give a gift in order to leave a piece of themselves with you, and then to reject the gift, seems awful to me. I am a t-in-training also and I realize that every client is going to leave something with me, so why is it not OK to acknowledge that symbolically? It doesn't mean I have to hang the painting on my wall and leave it there forever!

[justdesserts]

Your tutor sounds like a young therapist. I think as therapists grow, the idea of their clients wanting to leave something behind or whatever stops being harmful and is recognized as human. I have a Master's degree in Counseling and have heard those ethics lectures, but from my observations, seasoned therapists are much more aware of the client as a person instead of a cluster of symptoms.

Not really only that she was doing art therapy as well. I quite agree that there is always more to a gift than is presented.
She didn't mention anything about a boundary problem but I was quite surprised by the way she said it and was very clear that her work stays at work. I suggested hanging it in her therapy room and she also said no because it is special to this client but not to her or anyone else. I do agree that is special to the client but it was a symbol of their work together and should be treated with respect and dignity.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Not really only that she was doing art therapy as well. I quite agree that there is always more to a gift than is presented.
She didn't mention anything about a boundary problem but I was quite surprised by the way she said it and was very clear that her work stays at work. I suggested hanging it in her therapy room and she also said no because it is special to this client but not to her or anyone else. I do agree that is special to the client but it was a symbol of their work together and should be treated with respect and dignity.

As an aside point, monalisasmile, this is just an intuition, but I think you are on your way to being a very good therapist! I like how you brought this issue here because you cared for the client's show of appreciation that you felt your tutor had disrespected (and potentially hurting the client on their very last day!) and discussing it with everybody, open to hearing what people think...and your care and consideration really shows through.

Thank you part less, it really hurt me that she didn't accept the gift, it might have had an underlying meaning or motivation but it was given with good intentions. It would do more harm not to take it. I hope that I won't ever hurt a client like that.

[Lauliza]

It's interesting how different professors teach these classes and how much of what they might impart is based on their own "stuff". I'm taking ethics now and we talked about gifts recently. In our discussion the consensus was that so long as it is less than $50 value (which is standard in other businesses or with government employees) you really should be gracious and accept the gift. My professor didn't see how you could reject a gift from someone (unless the gift is inappropriate) without feeling like a jerk, and we all agreed.

[granite1]

I think this all the time when I think about giving my T a gift . I do a lot of beautiful picture albums and often think about make her one but then realize that she would never want a reminder of a client in her house. I get that

[NowhereUSA]

I think there is a such thing as over-analyzing. If a T thinks it'll be helpful to analyze why a client is giving a gift, then it makes sense to do so, but not everyone needs to. For example, I just gave my T a book about something we both liked and it was a light-hearted gift. Nothing more, nothing less. He might get five minute of entertainment out of it and then he can do with it as he likes, put it on his bookshelf, pass it around the office, sell it at a used bookstore.

She sounds way too rigid in her boundaries. She could have accepted it and then not hung it up. It's not like she's inviting her clients to her house to view what she has on the wall. Clearly she didn't get the "say thank you even if you hate it" lesson.

[IndestructibleGirl]

While I agree that giving gifts always has at least a couple of layers of meaning - this T sounds like she is spectacularly missing the point of therapy.

She reminds me of the dreadful type of middle-class people who are so anxious to prove their social standing with their knowledge of etiquette that they shun or exclude others who don't know which knife to use at a dinner party. The irony being of course that the whole point of good manners is to make others feel at ease, not to make others feel embarrassed.

This T sounds like she is keen to prove her meta-knowledge of a simple gift giving situation at the cost of the client's wellbeing.

[unaluna]

Idk. I think its important to analyze the carp out of a gift. We're not cats!, mindlessly leaving dead rodents at our owners feet, presumably sharing our bounty, "Dont say i never gave you anything! "

"Leaving something behind" sounds to me like an unfinished analysis, like not wanting to grow up, not wanting to move on.

A couple of years ago, i found a perfectly horrible largeish pink and red sock monkey on the post Valentine's Day sale table. I HAD to give it to t, but i really felt like i was the 2 year old hankster giving her doll to mummy - she HAD to accept it from me. It HAD to have value. Giving the doll proved it had value, if mummy would take it. I still havent completely figured this one out.

That's why i would be against a last session gift - it really should all be said and done by then.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by granite1

I think this all the time when I think about giving my T a gift . I do a lot of beautiful picture albums and often think about make her one but then realize that she would never want a reminder of a client in her house. I get that

I disagree. My sock monkey was definitely the equivalent of a dead mouse, but the stuff you make is not. Its not symbolic of your therapy, per se. a beautiful picture album Can also be useful. An ugly sock monkey, not so much!

[Creamsickle]

Sometimes a gift is -
a token of appreciation,
an expression of friendship/love
a memento of a shared experience
something to remember one by because life passes so quickly

As long as it's not expensive, I think a T should accept the gift and do with it later what they want. If it's a painting they could hang it in their office for a time and then change the décor. Refusing the gift draws more attention and gives more meaning to it than intended.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I suggested hanging it in her therapy room and she also said no because it is special to this client but not to her or anyone else. I do agree that is special to the client but it was a symbol of their work together and should be treated with respect and dignity.

Oh! This one gets me! Why wouldn't it be nice to see a symbol of how important you are to somebody out there in the world and what a difference you made in their life every day at work? Wouldn't it inspire you do continue doing your best work? Doesn't everybody want to be special and important? I say this T has some serious unaddressed issues...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Bill3]

A concern about displaying client work or gifts in the therapy space is that there will be room for hurt feelings if not all such work can be accommodated.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Bill3

A concern about displaying client work or gifts in the therapy space is that there will be room for hurt feelings if not all such work can be accommodated.

Could they not rotate them though, if that was the case?

ETA - I don't give my T paintings etc, but I would enjoy seeing them displayed. It would be fascinating. Even better if they changed around every couple of months or so.

[msxyz]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Not really only that she was doing art therapy as well. I quite agree that there is always more to a gift than is presented.
She didn't mention anything about a boundary problem but I was quite surprised by the way she said it and was very clear that her work stays at work. I suggested hanging it in her therapy room and she also said no because it is special to this client but not to her or anyone else. I do agree that is special to the client but it was a symbol of their work together and should be treated with respect and dignity.

That makes me sad, I don't even know the person who gave her the painting but to think that it wasn't special to the therapist makes me sad for them. The whole situation is sad, that statement and rejecting the gift, her whole attitude...

[stopdog]

I think gifts should mostly be avoided in professional settings.

[musinglizzy]

Interesting, my T and I were recently talking about this. She doesn't accept gifts typically, but she also tailors her boundaries based on the client. I painted something for her and gave it to her (before I knew her rule on gifts) and she accepted, using your word..saying it would be "churlish" of her not to accept it. She knew it would have broken my heart. She loved it, and said she was taking it home and knew exactly where she was going to hang it. Seems like some T's make it sound like gift giving is like a dog peeing on a tree to mark its territory....LOL. In my case, I have been very appreciative of my T, who has gone above and beyond for me, and it was also her birthday. I'm thankful she accepted it, but now that I know she typically doesn't accept gifts, I won't put her in that position again. Therapy is was got me to start painting in the first place.... and as my T said....these are people we're talking about......and as she said, it would be churlish not to accept something (within reason).

Something I don't like about therapy is when the T gives an interpretation of something and this is taken to be fact. There are a lot if different ways of looking at something. So the T interpreted the painting as the client wanting to leave something in her house, did the client agree? Was the client persuaded by the therapist that this was true? Therapists can be very powerful, and clients very powerless.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Something I don't like about therapy is when the T gives an interpretation of something and this is taken to be fact. There are a lot if different ways of looking at something. So the T interpreted the painting as the client wanting to leave something in her house, did the client agree? Was the client persuaded by the therapist that this was true? Therapists can be very powerful, and clients very powerless.

You know this occurred to me too. My tutor said the client wanted her to like her so I guess she was in that scared place of saying t was wrong and was trying to just agree with the tutor. I am guessing that she was afraid to disagree.