[BlessedRhiannon]

So, after I talked to T on the phone yesterday, I sent her a long email about all the stuff I wanted to say but couldn't. Just talking on the phone was hard and sharing how much I'd been struggling was feeling impossible, so I danced around it on the phone.

I got a reply back from T this morning, saying she thinks we should increase the frequency of sessions until I'm feeling better and wanted me to come in either today or tomorrow. I see her regularly on Thursdays. So, I told her I could come in today, but I kinda don't want to. I mean, I know I probably NEED to, but I just feel like my problems are that bad (yes, I know they really are). Last time I was feeling this way - over the summer - T didn't suggest more frequent sessions. Of course, I don't think I was quite as straight forward with her as to how I was feeling, and we were both traveling a lot during the summer, so more frequent sessions probably would have been difficult anyway.

I'm going to the appointment today, I'm just not sure I want to or will be willing to talk about what's going on. My T is awesome, it's totally my issue that I feel like I can't connect right now.

[kraken1851]

Go and see how it works out. And address how you feel about the increased frequency in the session! Sending good thoughts!

[pbutton]

She sounds like she really cares about you. Please let us know how it goes.

[ThisWayOut]

How did it go?

[BonnieJean]

Hi Rhi. Hoping you're doing alright.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I'm doing okay. The session was very difficult for me; I wasn't sure I wanted to be there.

T said she was very concerned that I didn't contact her over the weekend when I was struggling so much. I tried to explain why I didn't, but she just kept saying I should have contacted her. It raised questions for me that I couldn't ask yesterday, but I will in our session tomorrow.

T gave me a lot of things to think about, which is both helpful and oh so frustrating!!!

She thanked me for coming in even though I wasn't sure I wanted to. Her reasoning for the extra session was both that I didn't want to/wasn't able to talk on the phone and that I didn't contact her, so she felt like we needed to connect in person. She was right, connecting in person did help some. I'm just feeling conflicted about my relationship with T right now.

[kraken1851]

I'm glad you went -- and thank you for keeping us updated. Your t sounds caring and professional. And I'm glad that you have managed to stay connected with her even though it is currently very difficult for you -- that is an accomplishment!
I hope that together you and your t will find a way of making you more comfortable or feel a bit more secure with/in the relationship again.

[brokenwarrior]

It might be helpful to talk about why you feel conflicted in your relationship with your T. Once you figure out those feeling I believe you two can do great work!

[kraken1851]

How have things been going for you?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Thanks for asking. Things are challenging right now. T kind of insisted on meeting twice a week for the next few weeks. I'm mostly okay with that. She was really bothered by the fact that I didn't contact her when I was feeling so badly over the weekend...I'm still trying to understand why that bothered her so much.

I'm feeling so disconnected from things that I think it will probably be helpful to see T twice a week for a bit, even if I can't really afford it. I'll figure out how to make it work.

[kraken1851]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

Thanks for asking. Things are challenging right now. T kind of insisted on meeting twice a week for the next few weeks. I'm mostly okay with that. She was really bothered by the fact that I didn't contact her when I was feeling so badly over the weekend...I'm still trying to understand why that bothered her so much.

I'm feeling so disconnected from things that I think it will probably be helpful to see T twice a week for a bit, even if I can't really afford it. I'll figure out how to make it work.

If I had to hazard a guess I'd say it is likely she cares and worries about you; and that it is possibly difficult for her to see someone she wants to help "disconnect" from her so she cannot do anything to make a positive impact.
Did you tell her you reached out to the community here? I think that was a very responsible thing to do, I hope you therapist can see this as well. Also how you made sure you had plans over the weekend. You handled the situation very well I think.
I hope things continue to stabilize a little for you.