Need some advice...

I have seen two different therapists, both only one time. Both of them said I have severe depression and anxiety (not sure if that counts as an official diagnosis). They told my parents about this, the self harm, and the very frequent sui thoughts. I went to see my GP/pediatrician a couple weeks ago and she also said I need to get into therapy and medication asap.

The problem is that now that I am ready to get help, my parents refuse to let me. I don't think they believe in depression. They keep telling me the oh so typical phrases such as "get over it" and "snap out of it". I need to see a therapist and do something about this because if I don't then I honestly think I will lose control and do something that I won't live to regret (literally).

I've been thinking about contacting my pediatrician and asking her to convince my parents, as talking to a school counselor is not an option. Honestly, I have no idea how I would contact her as I don't have her information but I will find a way. What do you think? Are there any other options? Such as somehow seeing a therapist/counselor who I can pay with cash (I am 17, turn 18 in June 2015) or even a free one?

Thank you
N

I'm sorry you are struggling and your parents are dismissive.
Your GP could definitely help talk to your parents if you can find her info. If you know her name, you could probably look her up...
Can I ask why talkign to the school counselor is out? They may be an easier resource to contact...
Also, there are likely clinics that can offer sliding scales. Though since you are still under 18 in the US, they may be required to talk to your parents.

Thanks for your reply

I've tried looking her up but unfortunately, I can't find any email address, phone number, etc. I think I will somehow have to call the pediatrics office and ask for her information or make an appt? I really don't know...

Well, I haven't attended school in over a month. Also, the school counselor is extremely biased, and possibly even racist. A friend of mine was struggling with depression a couple years ago and the school counselor basically ruined her life. It was awful.

I've tried looking for free clinics and those are usually available, but not where I live; I basically live in the middle of nowhere.

Also, I really appreciate the reply. I was kind of having a freak-out, so this message was able to pull me back into reality.

Try doing some research. Find an article that discusses depression in adolescents that supports therapy and medication as a treatment. But make sure the article is from a reliable sorce.

You can also try writing your parents a letter. Explain to them life through your prospective. Explain to them how you struggle (not necessarily why). Tell them why you think therapy and medication will help you. Show them your appreciation for all they have done and ask for their support in this.

Might work?

And for referrals, try calling 1(800) 273-TALK. It's the national suicide hotline, but it directs you to your closest crisis line which should have referrals.

The telephone number of the pediatrics office is her contact number. Many doctors do not have listed personal numbers and many don't use email with patients. You could leave a message asking her to call you or, ideally, make an appointment and talk to her in person. If a patient calls the office number after hours, the call is usually picked up by an answering service that relays the call to the doctor.

I'm so sorry your parents are acting obstructive and dismissive. They don't understand. If you tell your pediatrician what you said here, she may be able to convince your parents to help you get treatment. If they remain unconvinced, it might be a good idea to start looking around for a therapist or free therapy clinic that can help you.

You're almost 18. As many people here have found, it sometimes takes time to find a therapist that matches your needs. It's not too soon to start looking.

I left home at 18 and started therapy at 19. I never told my parents. I found free services (easier back then) and I took advantage of services offered by my college.

But that may be too long for you to wait. Pediatricians are used to dealing with parents in denial. Make your case to your doctor and let her know that you really want help so that you don't do something you won't live to regret.

I'm impressed by your courage and honesty. I hope you can get the help you want and need. I wish you the best.

Do you know what insurance plan you're currently on with your family? If so - can you ask your doc about who takes that insurance? (I really, really, don't know how things work in the USA, I'm in Canada and don't worry about it...) And see if maybe there are any counsellors available at the hospital?

Have your doctor talk with them, with you, and point out that you're trying to "get over it" (what a dumb phrase) but that you're seeking help TO "get over it". Your doc should be able to convince them (since stupidly your parents aren't getting the message from you) that getting help to learn how to handle things is sooooo much more worth it than having their child die through suicide. Do they really want to spend their lives feeling responsible for that, knowing that there was more they could have done to help? Probably not.

I'm so proud of you for seeking help for yourself!

My parents ignored my depression too I'm sorry, it's incredibly painful. I'm glad you at least recognize you need help. I just thought something was severely wrong with me as a person and it's taken a long time to even get remotely close to being able to admit that's not the case.

If you're on their insurance, but can afford the co-pay, then you can always try to see if you can avail yourself of services that way once you're 18. Your parents will get the explanation of benefits (EOB), and at the same time, if they aren't the kind to care so long as they're not footing the bill, that's one option. The EOB doesn't put out a diagnosis, it just says type of services rendered (mine, for example, says "Ind. Therapy 50min" or something like that). It may not even send them a paper EOB unless something is owed above the standard co-pay.

A sliding scale is another option as well.

Please do not take this the wrong way. I am a parent of a depressed and anxious 17 year old girl, who has self-injured since middle school and threatened suicide last year.

Had I ignored her symptoms and pretended she was okay, and some harm befell her, that would be considered child neglect.

Schools and doctors are "mandated reporters" where I live. If they have a clue a child is being neglected or abused they have to (by law) report it to child services.

Where are all the adults and authority figures in your life? If you're afraid to ask your parents for mental health treatment, that's a red flag. If you're ashamed to ask or think they might react badly, or that you will be embarrassed by it, that's not the same thing.

Kids should not have to sneak around behind their parents backs to get medical care. If your doctor recommended it and they with-hold it, that is child neglect.

OP please clarify these for me?

Have you not been attending school due to your depression and anxiety? This is definitely an issue for your primary care doctor. If you know the name of the hospital or practice she works at and her name, just call the main number and you will be directed to her office. If you tell the doctor you are suicidal she will have to do what she can to get you help since she is a mandated reporter. Your parents may not agree with what she says but at least you'll have an adult on your side. And when you're 18 you don't need their permission anymore so it won't be too much longer.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, tough to not have the support of parents when you have been told you need help.

May I ask what you mean by "now that I'm ready to get help"? Have your parents always been against you getting help? Also what is your insurance like, like are financial reasons also why your parents refuse or is it just they don't think you have a problem despite therapists and GP saying you need therapy?

Because if it's finances, like you say, and if you do have enough money, you can spend your own for the time being to get at least a few sessions and maybe a diagnosis and go from there. Just discuss all your concerns with you GP when you next see the person.

You'd have a hard time proving neglect. The system is overwhelmed and truthfully, this isn't seen as neglect. I had a school counselor who knew I was suicidal and did literally nothing. My parents did nothing. Pastors, teachers, other adults... I've seen this time and again and it really doesn't surprise me.

Should it be considered neglect? Probably. It just isn't.

Thank you for the reply

Letters are basically the only way my parents and I communicate. I've tried writing so many letters and even somehow managed to speak to them in person. Every single time, they say that I don't need therapy. Sometimes, they will leave a note for me saying how much they love me and how they are the only ones I need to and should be talking to. I don't know what to think of it.

Thank you for the reply.

Honestly, calling the office terrifies me. I wish there was someway I could just get her email or something.

I've considered free clinics for quite some time now, about 2 years. But, I live in the middle of nowhere so the closest one is a couple hours away.

I'm afraid that may be too long, but hey who really knows right?

Thank you for your help and support. And kudos to you for taking control of your own life and making a change(s).

Thank you for the reply

I am completely ignorant and unknowledgeable regarding health insurance. Even if I found a way, I think the therapy sessions would show up on the insurance bills or something. No idea...

Regardless, thank you for your help. It means the world

Thank you for the reply

Quite frankly, I have no idea what explanation of benefits or anything really means. I feel like I'm in way over my head.

It's not that they aren't willing to financially support me. They just don't believe in depression. They heavily believe in god and religion and the power of family. I respect that, but I feel more comfortable talking to strangers about all these feelings crap than the people in my life.

Sometimes it feels empowering to be so honest about my feelings after so long, even if it's just online. But also sometimes it's extremely nerve wracking and I feel like there is something wrong with me. Oh the joys of possibly having an effed up brain.

Anyways, thank you for making me realize how many options there are, and that I really need to research more.

Thank you for the reply

I am not ashamed or embarrassed. I have asked my parents many, many times. The problem is that it's just different for them. They are traditional and religious. I am not. I know that they love and care for me dearly and I appreciate that so much, they just don't understand what depression is (in teenagers at least). Bipolar Disorder and Depression run in my family so it's nothing new to them. I don't know...

Anyways, thank you for your concern, but let me assure you that they do care for me and it is definitely not neglect. They have their own problems too, you know.

Thank you for the reply

I don't know why I haven't been attending school...

I really would like to call her office and schedule an appointment, but I don't even know what I am supposed to say. I'm not even sure if there's any way they will keep the appointment between the patient and the pediatrician. I would be horrified if they called my home phone to confirm my appointment or something and my mother found out.

It's terrifying especially because every time I've seen a therapist, they either suggest or make me go to an inpatient facility right after. I end up lying to the people who evaluate me so I can go home. Why is it so easy to be completely honest and open about everything on here but in my life, I find it difficult to speak two words to my family members, my friends.

Thank you for the reply

I just haven't felt "right" in so long. I've had moments where I basically go insane. And there also have been times where I've felt that maybe I need help. In the spring, I was going to talk to my doctor and family about it, but then things just flipped for me, mentally speaking, so I couldn't. And then it just got worse and worse. There are small moments when I feel a bit like myself and in those moments I come on this site, I talk to my parents, I research everything about depression, look for therapists. Basically take advantage of my sanity and try to get help. And now recently I have been able to accept it a bit more I think... I'm not sure. Sorry, I probably make no sense and did not even answer your question.

Financially, my family is very stable.

When I first told my dad about my sui thoughts, he took me seriously. But only for a second. He said I should see a therapist and I agreed, but then I ended up backing out at the last second. I think he doesn't believe me or something... I'm not sure.

I know they care but I don't think I will be able to properly communicate with them until I do something about this

If your parents are being so unwilling, and you're having such an issue even figuring out how to make an appointment with your GP.... fake sick. Fake sick in a way that you could get your parents to make an appointment. When you get there, just tell the GP the real reason you wanted an appointment.

I'd just call and make the appointment anyway. Do you have a cell phone? If so, ask them to call and comfirm/remind you on that.

An explanation of benefits is a report that an insurance company kicks out each time they process a claim (when a doctor or other medical provider sends a bill). It explains briefly what services were rendered, the original price, the price negotiated by the insurance company and the amount paid by the insurance company. Many companies have gone paperless and so the only time a paper version of one of these arrives is when there will be money owed (the exception is the standard co-pay of $25-$45 - that's just understood so it's not included in the EOB).

Basically if you were wanting to see someone and your parents, while they may not understand, wouldn't really get in your way, you would just need your insurance card. Then you can go to a provider that takes your insurance. You give them the card, they tell you what your co-pay would be, and then that's that. Probably the most complicated part is finding someone under your insurance. Your card would have a phone number that you could call though and someone could help you there after asking a bunch of questions to verify who you are.

Have you flat out told them with a certain level of assertiveness that this is what you want to do? "I want to see a therapist. I know you disagree but this is my decision."

Like another poster said, just call the office and say you're sick and need an appointment. Are you able to get to your doctor's office on your own or do you have a friend who can drive you? Even if your parents have to take you there, they do not have to go in the office with you. You do have privacy rights in that respect. Once you're in the office tell the doctor everything you said here. If you think you'd have a hard time articulating what you're feeling, print this thread out and ask your doctor to read it. This will give her a full picture of what's going on and she may be able to come up with ideas to help you.

The fortunate thing is you are almost 18, at which point you will be an adult and can make your own decisions. And for what it's worth- if you can, I would do everything to attend school and graduate. If you don't you'll just remain financially dependent on your parents and isolated.

I was bullied for 6 years and did not want to "bother" my parents with it because "they have their own problems" after I mentioned it and they kind of blew it off like it was normal kid stuff. Maybe they think you're "just" having hormones.

I was beaten in the bathrooms, knocked into lockers, knocked on to the gym floor right in front of the gym teacher (who did nothing) and was the class target in dodgeball. I'd get welts all over me because they used a hard kickball. Take matters into your own hands and don't wait for your parents to do something...even by going to the school nurse or your minister if you are religious if you think they can get you the help you need. I am 52 and it is still affecting my life. Maybe if I could have gotten help earlier life would have been easier.