Article about Dependency in Therapy

As I'm thinking about this more I'm thinking that we really don't have enough language to describe needing someone or depending on someone. I think that there is a kind of dependency where a person is trying so hard to get a need met that they can almost lose themselves, but then I think there are other kinds of dependency that are healthy. I think that it healthy for me to be able to depend on my friends and family for support when I am hurt. And I also think it's healthy for me to depend on my T for love, guidance, and reassurance. The issue for me is that so many people seem to see needing others as a sign of weakness or incompetence, but I think that being able to reach out, and really admit to yourself how interconnected your are to other people is a sign of strength.

I think it's an excellent article, and everyone who suffers from dependency, or separation anxiety concerns in therapy should read it! The psychotherapy world has changed volumes since Freud and his "frustration" and "non-gratification" extremes. Thankfully, therapy has gotten past regarding dependency as wrong, and now seeing it as a pathway to cure. I've read a lot about this because dependency was my main problem and I went through several therapists before finding one who can deal with it.

I would run, not walk, from a therapist who I thought would "pull me in to push me out". That's way too simplistic. The modern therapy of "Object Relations" , also known as "Dynamic Relationship Therapy" does not make a schedule for termination, or an outline of steps to independence, like the classical analysts did. . Read a book or two by Guntrip, or Winnicott. It was such a relief to me to find out my therapy was not destined to be just a re- traumatizing experience. The article above is state-of-the-art and very relieving to clients who live in terror of "the end".

I think there is a tendency to use need where want would be a more appropriate word.

I haven't read all the posts here so forgive me if I'm repeating what's been said. But it is my experience and my opinion that dependency isn't the problem. The problem is that it is or should be specialised work and a lot of T's just aren't up to the job. I think it's therapists that can't tolerate the dependency phase of therapy not the clients.

The article does mention this. And I think that dependency has to do with leaning how to get unmet needs met. I really don't think it should be discouraged either. It's an opportunity for the patient to open up about their needs and to learn to understand what therapy has to offer.

Here is another article from a researcher on how love is not what is often described.

Psychologist: Love Is Not What We Think It Is - Business Insider

I think it is relevant to this discussion because, although not fully the same as looking to a therapist to be dependent upon, it does talk about love in micro moments throughout one's day and it is not focused on romantic love at all.

When my T and I talked about love last session, she mentioned the book: Love 2.0. I didn't read the article yet, but I think it's the way my T was thinking when she "sent me love." I haven't read the whole thread yet; it's a good topic.