[Torrius]

I bet there are plenty of posts like mine. But I'm just looking for a more complete response (haven't found 'em!). So... how do you relate with your T??

1) How much touch with your T? Do you feel at ease when he/she proposes hugs, holding hands...? I don't have so much touch with my T, expect for some cheek kissing, and when I twice stroked her cheek.
2) Does your T permit to call / email / text them between sessions or on vacation? If you wish to greet your T before Christmas, for example, is it ok for them to meet you in their office for these special occasions, without having therapy? (obviously you owe them no fee).

Just as curiosity.

Just a heads up to those not familiar with French culture- cheek kissing (bises) is a common greeting similar to hand shaking. I only know this from working in France for a short period so I wanted to warn people that what looks like a huge red flag might not be!

In answer to the question, my T has very rigid boundaries around touch (handshake only) I was able to contact him between sessions and he always replied. Usually quite a short reply like "this would be great material for the next session" and I only contacted him while he was on vacation once; because I was burgled. His response was short but supportive but I wouldn't have contacted him on vacation without a good reason.
I have never and would never meet him outside of therapy.

[stopdog]

Like a mongoose and cobra.

I do not touch the woman and would not like it if she tried to touch me. Kissing them and stroking them (or being kissed or stroked) is not the norm in my culture as far as I know it.

I do write if I choose. I would not go to her office just to say hi or for a special occasion.

[catonyx]

No touching. Just handshake.

I've only requested extra sessions when struggling with things. Otherwise I don't contact my T about anything other than scheduling.

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[Mike_J]

When I first started to see her she would shake hands at the end of each session but that felt awkward and I stopped doing that. So no psychical contact sense then. And I can call and leave a message with the receptionist or a voice mail, don't have an email address so that is not an option.

[VelvetRevolver]

I shake hands with T before and after. Maybe a high five here and there. No calling between sessions or emailing. I need my space, and I'm sure T does too.

[Xenon]

No physical contact at all so far, not even a handshake. Sometimes when I'm alone I think I might want it, but I never do when I'm actually there.

She's mentioned before that I can call or email in between sessions, but I've never done so. Partly because I'm not sure it'll be useful, and partly because it feels needy.

[Bill3]

I would not want to touch or be touched by my T.

We don't communicate outside of session other than regarding scheduling.

She would never invite me to a social event and if she somehow did I would not attend.

[ThisWayOut]

on very rare occasions, I am ok with a hug from a T, but I generally shy away from touch. With one of my previous T's, I think I got maybe 2 hugs in as many years. I have not had nor wanted any physical contact from this T, though I may ask for a quick hug when we terminate.
Out-of-session contact has really only been limited to stressful situations, and only if I have the ok first from T. I generally do not meet T outside of therapy, as it blurs boundaries too much. That being said, I will be dropping by a former T's office next week when I visit that region of the country again. She was the one T I had the longest, and the only T I would ever consider stopping by "to say hi." I hope to return to her when I move back there though, so we keep lines of communication open.

In Sweden, psychotherapists are never supposed to propose touch, other than a handshake, (and we are not a huggy culture so it would feel foreign to hug a therapist - but maybe some people do, I have no way of knowing.) I shake hands with my T at the beginning and end of each session.

As for contact between sessions, I can txt but T will usually not reply, and if he does it is only to confirm that he has seen my message. That is the only mode of contact I have, other than calling the answering machine in his office. I wouldn't go to his office other than at my session time. And I have a strict rule for myself that I don't contact my T when he is on vacation.

[scorpiosis37]

My T and I hug at the end of every session, but that only started after 9 months and at my request. On occasions when I'm crying or upset, I can ask T to come and sit next to me on the couch. All of this is purely supportive, comforting touch.

I occasionally e-mail or text T between sessions but not when she is on vacation. I probably contact her outside of session once every month or two.

I have never seen T outside of the office-- that would not feel okay to me. I have a very close relationship with my T, but it is professional and boundaried.

[healed84]

There has never been any touch between T and I.. we didn't even shake each other's hand at the first session when we first met. That's not to say that I don't think I would mind a hug from him, but I don't see that happening.

I am allowed to email and text.. I email more frequently than I text, but texting is only if I really need to speak with him urgently. I email after thoughts from therapy, or questions, or stuff like that. If he responds it is generally very short, but supportive.

The only time I have ever come into his office is to go to an appointment for me or my kid.. I have no need to meet him for a special occasion.

[SubliminalThoughts]

We only shook hands twice. I would like a hug from her sometimes, but im afraid to ask. If she offered I would definitely hug her.

I sometimes text or email her and I can call her, but I never have.

[Salmon77]

No physical contact. Nothing inbetween sessions other than a couple brief emails/phone calls regarding scheduling changes. I'm fine with it; we get along well in session and that's where it matters.

[JaneTennison1]

No touch, ever. No handshakes or hugs. I like it this way. I used to email between sessions but she reads and responds sometimes even though they are marked to deal with in the next session! I've stopped that as I don't want my words out there before session.

[junkDNA]

we hug sometimes. i text and email outside of session and he responds. ive never seen him outside of a therapy setting except where we flew to a different state for a few days to attend a hearing voices group training . but that was set up by the residential program i was in. since we met in a progressive residential treatment center we did a lot of things that most ppl dont do with their Ts like eat lunch and dinner together and see each other every day. i have texted my T on vacation before and he has responded some times. i try not to do that though.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Touch: We hug after every session. She has done a longer hug twice. She often touches my knee, but only for a second. She's also rubbed my arm. She doesn't allow hand holding, and I wouldn't dare reach out to touch her w/o asking first. And I would never want her to touch my head, face, and back (except a pat on the back is fine) because I find touch in those places the most nurturing and would only make my attachment worse.

Out of session contact: Phone calls if an emergency or something extremely important. Emails whenever, but no novels and no cats (yes, my T hates cats that much). No texts because she rarely checks them.

I would never ask to see my T for anything other than a session. And if I did (but I wouldn't), I would never expect to not pay. If I want to wish her a happy holiday, I'd say it in session or email it.

[TheWell]

My group T offered me a hug once on my birthday. It took me a long time to get brave enough to ask for another one. And then a long time after that to ask for another. Now I feel comfortable asking for one every time I want one.

My one-on-one T has never offered a hug so I've never asked.

I can email either my group T or my one-on-one. They answer if I ask them to answer. I only email if I need to and I don't do it often. I don't want to take advantage that they will reply. I maybe email once a month. That doesn't count any back and forth after the initial email.

If I call and ask for a call back they call. I've only done that a few times in the past five years.

I feel very supported by my therapists.

When we do see each other, we give a hug, usually a kiss, we hold hands a lot when we go for walks, give lots of hugs. As for contact, we email each other often (several times a week) and talk on the phone and occassionally text.

[Virginia1991]

Touch: I can ask for hugs anytime but don't ask a lot. Sometimes she will say "do you want a hug" or "can I hug you". She has sat by me a couple of times and twice touched my back on those times. She has also rubbed my arm on the way out after a difficult session.

I get to contact her as much as I want. I don't like talking on the phone so I only text/email. She almost always responds the same day.

[nottrustin]

She gives me a hug at the end of almost all sessions. She initiated early on. For me it helps me to regroup especially after difficult sessions. Before this I really did not like to hug people because I was afraid to let anybody get that close.

She encourages me to contact her outside of sessions. I typically email her at least once a week. Even when she goes on vacation or out of state for conferences she tells me ahead of time she will be taking her laptop so to email if I need to.

I have been having a difficult last couple of weeks. She told me to contact her however. If she goes away for Christmas she wants me to call her cell (usually she prefers I call her home/business phone) as she knows the holidays are extremely difficult. She also is encouraging me to just email her about my stress as a way of letting go.

My son's therapist on the other hand I have no contact outside of sessions but he also doesn't have issues anywhere near what I have..

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by Torrius

1) How much touch with your T? Do you feel at ease when he/she proposes hugs, holding hands...? I don't have so much touch with my T, expect for some cheek kissing, and when I twice stroked her cheek.
2) Does your T permit to call / email / text them between sessions or on vacation? If you wish to greet your T before Christmas, for example, is it ok for them to meet you in their office for these special occasions, without having therapy? (obviously you owe them no fee).

1. She asked if she could touch my hands when I was visibly shaking so bad and couldn't control it. She's never offered hugs and stays in her chair. Although, sometimes I really want to ask for one - I'm not sure how that would go.

2. I can text her or call her at anytime during in between sessions, although I'm so new at this I'm still not sure what any of that means. I'll greet my T for Christmas at my regular appointment and give her a little gift at the end of the appointment.

[dark_sweetie]

No touch, I've never asked, she's never proposed it.

I text her pretty freely over any important stuff and she always responds.

[Lady Lindsey]

was good, but now lousy, thinking of quitting therapy all together

[justdesserts]

My T and I shake hands at the beginning of every session and hug at the end of every session.

I can email him whenever I want, but he rarely responds. If I need a quick reesponse I can text or call, but I haven't done that in months.