Dual relationships with therapists and other issues

creepyness

What about if YOU were the seasoned professional and you had a much younger male patient - would you feel comfortable sending him a video of you in the morning before getting ready.

As a side note: My female therapist also supervises Psychiatry residents at Stanford, and I know folks who attended the PGSP-Stanford Psy.D. program - I am dying to know who this man is as I am sure I would know him! (It's not Yalom, is it? I *think* he's mostly retired.)

The video is a severe boundary violation that raises RED flags for me. And I would tell him that - what are you doing dude??? Way out there.

The video would piss me right off. As far as I can tell, you did not consent to watching it, a video of him naked was sprung on you.

I think human bodies are fascinating and beautiful, and nakedness is not automatically a sexual thing (far, far from it, bodies are just bodies) but in this context (previous erotic tension between you, and no reason for you to see him without clothes, like he's not a life model for an art class you are attending, or whatnot) this just feels like blatant willy-waving. Like idiotic men who send cock shots on dating sites, he is getting off (not necessarily physically, but certainly psychosexually) on the idea of you seeing his 'proud masculine' form, without being too worried that you have not actually given clear consent.

He is prioritizing his amusement/enjoyment over consideration of your needs, and over respecting you as a human being who gets to decide whether to consent or not.

I'm sorry this happened to you, Archipelago. I have had male mentor figures let me down by crossing the line, and I understand the desire to keep such a person in your life even while feeling disgusted and as if the person is changing from what you need them to be.

I never had a video texted to me, but I have dealt with a prominent well-known professor who left voicemails in the middle of the night and who sent me emails at all hours.

Even as he praised me, I felt sickened and overexposed and scared.

You might not feel any of those ways, but I'm angry that your therapist of so many years sent you that video. He might have even known it was wrong and he could have stopped himself or worked on his own urge.

Even if he did live in some naked commune, he's not dumb and he knows that other people don't inhabit that same world.