[Secretum]

I really like my therapist. I feel safe when I'm in session. She challenges me, and makes me see what I need to change.

The hard thing is that she doesn't think that I'm all that smart or competent. I've expressed how incredibly frustrated I am because I am often more than a standard deviation below the mean on exams. She thinks that because I am still getting Bs in all my classes that this is okay.

But it is not. I'm capable of more. No one believes me (and I don't blame them; I have been underperforming for so long that there is no reason for anyone to think I'm smart) but I know that I am not meeting my potential.

It is frustrating, and I feel like I will never be where I need to be if no one thinks I am able to get there.

[sidney1771]

Last time I was in school, C was average and B was above average.

Not sure how old you are, but eventually you'll learn that grades, labels and proving things to other people is not what is important. You know you are smart. That is wonderful. The question then becomes, why do you need other people to acknowledge that you are as smart as you want them to know you are? Perhaps they aren't smart enough themselves to grasp and appreciate just how smart you are.

I know how smart I am. It is frightening what my IQ is. Only one other person has ever been privy to that information. Truth be told...it doesn't matter. Employers only care that you got a degree, not how you got it or your GPA.

[Ad Intra]

Well, first of all, you know how SD works in stats and good for you. That alone tells me you're pretty smart. Your T may think you're smart but has never said it. You said your self that you feel frustrated when you receive grades like B and it seems like your T knows this. She probably doesn't want to focus too much on this for that reason. I think your T is using a 'can't see the forest through the trees' approach.
I'm not sure if your in high school, college, grad school, etc but your receiving an education and really grades don't matter. The overarching goal is for you to gain knowledge and grades are the small stepping stones to that final big goal.
However, you do have big expectations of your self. I truly think you're smart but often thinks get in the way of doing well in classes. Issues such as mental illness, physical illness, if your tired or hungry, your mood that day, etc can change your grade.
Hope I helped.

[Ididitmyway]

Grades are not the indicative of intelligence. Our academic system is designed to reward mechanical memorizing instead of developing creativity and critical thinking. I personally don't know anyone who attained happiness through high grades. In addition, many of those I know who did receive high grades are pretty dumb.

I didn't get from the her comment (the one you related) that she doesn't think you're all that smart or competent. Could it be more of a projection of your thinking?

I get the sense she doesn't want you to dwell on the grades issue because that would be feeding into the pressure you're putting on yourself.

It sounds more like she's challenging you to change in other ways, ways that will help you in life, not just academics. That's my take, anyway.

A therapist I saw for a few months a couple of years ago told me that I should stop focusing on the fact that I was not getting published, and perhaps I should quit doing research altogether. That was incredibly frustrating, because it was such a demeaning thing to say and because she clearly did not get who I am. I stopped seeing her pretty soon after that, and found a therapist who is a better match for me.

So I think I understand your frustration here. For me, it was painless to quit therapy with that person, but you clearly have a rapport with your therapist and so it might be a better idea to try to get her to see how destructive (or at any rate not constructive) her comments are. You want to be pushed to do what you have the potential to do. Good for you. That is something your T should be willing to work with you on.

Originally Posted by licketysplit

I didn't get from the her comment (the one you related) that she doesn't think you're all that smart or competent. Could it be more of a projection of your thinking?

I get the sense she doesn't want you to dwell on the grades issue because that would be feeding into the pressure you're putting on yourself.

It sounds more like she's challenging you to change in other ways, ways that will help you in life, not just academics. That's my take, anyway.

^This.

Is there anything else she may have said that would imply she thinks you're not capable of being better?

[Depletion]

I have a leaning disability, and I didn't think that I was smart until college. And I really only found out by chance. I took a literary theory course, and it turned out that I was really good at it, and that I'm pretty good a philosophical an theoretical thinking across the board. But that kind of thinking is really a struggle for most people, it's really just a fluke that I'm good at it. I really couldn't pass a spelling test if my life depended on it. Sometimes you just have to keep looking until you find out what you really are great at. Don't be afraid to be creative, and like other people here have said, just because you aren't good at taking the test, or writing the paper, doesn't mean you don't understand the subject well. I agree with Mastodon, it is important that your T understand your strong feelings about this, especially if you think that this is a core part of who you are.

[venusss]

Getting Bs is not underperfoming.

So you not getting As. So what? I don't know how it works in the USA, but when me and my friends went to job interviews never once we were asked "what grades did you have?". You probably care for the grades more than the rest of the world does, much to your harm.

Grades are indicative how much the education system fits you. I had friend on International relationships who had As, but she was as clueless as clueless goes beyong what she memorized from the books. She would says in India they speak Indian and in Iraq they speak Iraqi. Couldn't decide what school of thought she falls in, not because she had open mind, but because she simply couldn't form an opinion on anything.

What is gonna harm you much more than some stupid grades in your career would be your low self esteem and self-torturing yourself over things that don't matter that much. That is somethign to work on with your therapist. And f the grades. Bs are good enough.

[missbella]

People flower at different times in their lives, sometimes later in life when one thing brings them to discover their true talents. I like reading biographies, and that's often the case.

No one has a crystal ball, particularly about another person's life. Many successful people have initially failed, didn't make the team etc.

Admittedly some of our dreams have long, difficult odds, sometimes it's advisable to have a back-up plan, but our futures are ours to create. A therapist or anyone else has no special powers to tell us what we can or can't do.

[Secretum]

It is scary how far off my judgment can be. In session today, t told me that she thinks I'm very strong, and that I'll "never convince her that I am weak and helpless". I didn't even bring up that I thought that she thought that I am pathetic; she just said it.

I feel so cared for by her. It's really wonderful. We talked today about me coming to see that others actually do like me, to give them the chance to accept or reject me, rather than just assuming that they'll reject me. Definitely gave me something to think about!

[Partless]

Sometimes validating somebody can feel like being condescending. If you're already hard on yourself for not doing better, maybe your T is trying to say how you performing now is not as bad as you think. It's hard to tell from a few posts what your therapist's approach is, but is that a possibility?

[Secretum]

I think that is likely how she feels. I thought that she thought I was weak for being so behind in life, but now I realize that she just doesn't think I'm all that behind. It is hard for me to realize that I am doing well, because I really feel that I'm not...but I can see that I am functional, so that is something.