Dream.

Last night was journaling about my feelings I am having the last few days. Its like the illusions are crumbling and I'm seeing the "whys" and "where fors" more in my actions.

I've noticed how I present myself as more needy then I actually am. I do this with certain people, people I imagine need to feel needed by a needy person. I see that I really am not relating to the real person but to the fantasy I need that person to be part off.

I was writing how without these "games" I can play, I will survive. I may have to be more adult within myself and more responsible, which is something I've resisted for a long time.

It was quite empowering seeing this. I guess I feel that maybe I can ride my bike without stabliser wheels a whole lot better then I allow myself to do.

SO my dream last night was of my T telling me that she feels I am fine now and can take the leap into the real world now and don't need her. She terminated me.

In the dream I was trying to convey to her that she's wrong, I do need her still that I'm not as "sorted" as she thinks. I had tears coming down my face as I reaslied that I oculdn't change her mind on this.

I guess T in the dream was the adult me? Bit by bit preparing me for the next big step of my journey? The letting go off another coping method I've employed for so long?

yes I can survive. But I am still alittle scared. Sometimes this crumbling of old ways is nice, others its very scary and strange.

Mouse, yes, I think you are right--you are preparing yourself for the day you will leave therapy. This will be hard, and your unconscious is working on it. I always find it really helpful to know what my unconscious is working on, and so pay a lot of attention to my dreams. They're so informative. Issues often surface there first. Now you can work on this in the conscious world.

Hello Mouse.
I am always glad to see you posting something positive in your posts such as Journaling, It seems people do not do that as often as neeed at times. KUDOS to you for hte reminder that life is a journey and you can persevere when you see the faults in your actions and feelings. Take care and good day Mouse. Soidhonia

wow mouse.....powerful dream! I think only you can unlock the secrets of what it all means.......very cool though that you are contemplating things!

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mouse_ said:

SO my dream last night was of my T telling me that she feels I am fine now and can take the leap into the real world now and don't need her. She terminated me.

In the dream I was trying to convey to her that she's wrong, I do need her still that I'm not as "sorted" as she thinks. I had tears coming down my face as I reaslied that I oculdn't change her mind on this.

I guess T in the dream was the adult me? Bit by bit preparing me for the next big step of my journey? The letting go off another coping method I've employed for so long?

yes I can survive. But I am still alittle scared. Sometimes this crumbling of old ways is nice, others its very scary and strange.

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Wow your dream was very vivid. I'm sure you're right about its intepretation. Good for you!

yeah Mouse, I think you were the T (they say we play all parts of our dreams) but I think you were acknowledging the feelings behind what drives the presenting yourself as needy. I'm guessing and relating it to myself, that I sometimes can present myself as needier than I am too because.. I want to be helped.. I want to be taken care of... I don't want to be abaondoned and if I am not in need a person might abandon me....

So presenting yourself as needy, if you are like me, brings you help, compassion, empathy, care, attachment... These are things T provides as well.

You see it in your dream as not needing your T. Maybe it isn't about 'not needing' your T, but about 'not needing' to present yourself as needy to get your real needs met.

It is scary to think of changing old ways. They are comfortable and familiar and it's all we know til we learn new ways; then they become comforatable and familiar.

I so enjoy your posts and insights mouse