[amayastar]

So I have been back in therapy for like 4 months.
Christmas has been really hard and triggering me.
I want to bring up My CSA but the thought of even bringing it up
Throws me into a panic. How can I Bring it up without directly saying I need to talk about the abuse.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!

[stopdog]

Hand the therapist your post?

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't have any good advice for you.

I opened up my past due to a "fluke". I was trying to start gently. I was asking T about her values so I could guage her reaction. She refused. So I got pissed, wrote her an email telling her everything, and (in my mind) proved why she wouldn't want to help me any more. Didn't work. She didn't reject me. So I was a complete reck the next time I saw her because now she knew EVERYTHING. There was no gradually opening up

I don't suggest doing it that way though.

I emailed the day before and said I needed to talk about something. I did this for myself (to hold myself to it) and for my therapist (so that she knew this was significant to me).

The panic was intense, but the intensity got a little easier to manage when I arrived and she popped her head out of the office and was very calm and welcoming. Because of the holidays, I started with all the family stress, then one family member in particular and how he is especially hard to deal with (examples of current behaviors). Those examples were enough to start talking about the topic without talking about it relating to me.

Focusing on the now first helped me ease into the reasons why I react so strongly to this person, and I kept it on him until I could share what happened in the past. All of that, plus the fact that my therapist is really good, made it a lot easier to talk about.

It's still very hard. But that's how I got to it. And I'm glad I did. For me it took more than a few seconds of courage. It took the whole hour and I still did not finish, but it was enough.

[Ad Intra]

Like you said start slowly. Try to form a good relationship with your T; this will make things better and easier.
You can beat around the bush and allude to the csa, or you could say right out. If you take the later path, how much you want to disclose is up to you. You could start off strong and say, "I was sexually abused and it still hurts."
Where you go from there depends on you, the T and other factors, but no matter what you have the right to say 'no'; 'No, I don't want to go into detail right now', etc. On the other hand, you may like opening up, but then again, it depends.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by amayastar

So I have been back in therapy for like 4 months.
Christmas has been really hard and triggering me.
I want to bring up My CSA but the thought of even bringing it up
Throws me into a panic. How can I Bring it up without directly saying I need to talk about the abuse.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!

one thing that helped me was one time my therapist explained to me that therapists were not mind readers. therefore if I wanted to discuss something it was up to me to bring it up. I could do so in what ever ways I was comfortable talking about things with her. that when something hard came up to think about what things make me feel at eae/ comfortable/ less anxiety filled. if those things helped in times when I wasnt discussing hard things those same things would help during the hard times too. Something that calms me is taking my canoe out on the lake. so when it comes time to talk about hard things I close my eyes and think about a time when I was rowing my canoe on the lake. then I open my eyes and tell my therapist what I need to say. works every time.

I bet if you think about it you will find what ever helps to calm you and that will enable you to find the right way and time that is right for you.

[ThisWayOut]

I don't remember how I first brought it up... largely I just answer "yes" to all the "forms of abuse experienced" on the intake, but wait to develop trusty before I can actually talk about it. With the t before this most recent one, I was seeing her at a sexual assault clinic, so it was a given we'd talk about it. It was hard even with her though. One day I ended up writing down details and asking if I could have an extra session because I needed to tell her something heavy. I went into the extra session and read it to her... it wasn't everything, but it started the heavier stuff.
I'm going to start again with another new t in the new year (grumble, grumble. Students leaving. Grr). I'm not sure how it will come up, though she will have access to my chart from previous t, so she will be able to see there's stuff to talk about.

Good luck however you decide to broach the subject. Sending strength your way.

how are you doing??