[Eucalyptus]

I set out to choose three therapists for an initial session. The trickiness is in the following. This year I have a narrower set of therapists available to me than in the new year when my options are expanded. A few weeks ago I came up with my list of three. Therapist #1 is on my current plan and I have had several sessions with #1. #2 I saw once and have ruled out. Therapist #3 I set up an appointment to see the first full week of the new year.

My present consternation is that I have had several sessions with therapist #1 and have begun to establish a rapport that feels good. Having ruled out #2, I still want to see therapist #3 in the new year. So far, I recognize that the process of seeing two initially has been beneficial. However, going forward I feel conflicted by: 1) devotion to my current therapist and therapy, and 2) the fact that I made an investment to be able to choose from a larger pool of therapists, and I still want to gain the perspective of having seen therapist #3. In other words, on one hand I don't want to inject any potential negativity into the therapy with therapist #1. However, the cost of my new insurance plan will kick in in January and if I don't see therapist #3 then what was the point in purchasing the new plan? And that would bug me. I can see that it's a "good problem" but I'm still conflicted and hoping some of you would talk with me about this.

I don't see the logic in your thinking here. If the goal has been to find a good therapist, and you gave yourself the best opportunity to do so, does it matter where that therapist comes from? Yes, you could have found her/him without the new expensive plan, but you didn't know that at the time. If you don't see therapist #3, the point in purchasing the new plan is that you probably have more options in other health care providers and maybe better coverage/lower deductible. And you have some peace of mind knowing that your options aren't limited.

Next year, if you aren't happy with having purchased the plan, you can go back to the other. I think the important thing is finding a therapist you click with, and it sounds like you've done that. Celebrate!

[stopdog]

I am not fully understanding what sort of discussion you are looking for. I do believe in trying out a lot of therapists - so if your question is whether to try out the third one - my opinion is yes try that one out too.

[Eucalyptus]

I appreciate the feedback. Seems I'm uneasy about how seeing the third (of the three I initially chose) might impact how I feel in the next session or sessions with the one I've already had multiple sessions with. The potential awkwardness of that. Do I bring it up? If not, because of the deductable the first might know or assume. But this all helps me think it through. Thanks!

If you already like the first therapist, I don't understand the need to keep looking. I'm confused.

First, therapist #1 won't know just because of the deductible, which can be reached with lots of other non-mental health related visits and tests.

Second, seeing #3 might make you feel even better about #1.

Third, seeing #3 might create confusion about #1 if you really like #3...but just based on my own experience, I really doubt this. It's hard to find one, let alone two, good therapy matches in such short order. It is possible though, and I think that's what worrying you.

Fourth, if seeing #3 creates confusion, it might help you further clarify what you are looking for in therapy and a therapist. You can deal with that, though, if and when it happens.

If you don't see #3, it sounds like you will always be wondering. Would that wondering eat away at you? Or can you let it dissolve, knowing you like the one you're seeing now?

[stopdog]

I still would see the 3rd one. I like the idea of having a back up one if something happened with the first as well as knowing if I liked the 3rd better. I have tried out over 30 and stuck with 2 of them. It was valuable for me. I did tell them while interviewing them that it was what I was doing. None had a problem with it.

[Lauliza]

If you were 100% confident T#1 was the one for you then I don't think you'd be conflicted, so I would go see#3. It's great that you have choices and it's wise to try them out for the sake of comparison. I don't see any reason to tell T #1. It's your right and one session shouldn't impact your therapy.

[stopdog]

I have never been 100% certain about anything concerning a therapist.

[Ididitmyway]

I am not sure I understand the dilemma with regards to changing the insurance plan. It looks like T#3 is on your new plan for the next year, so you will have the whole year ahead of you to switch in case if things don't work out with T#1. T#1 is on your current plan. Is he or she going to be on the new plan? If yes, then there is no problem here, and if no, it sounds like you like T#1 anyway, and if it was not for the T#3 option, you'd stay with them. Anyway, however your insurances work and whatever is or isn't justifiable financially is just one factor. The other one is your well-being. You decide what is more important to you. I personally don't see the need to disturb the process that has already started working. If you feel good about T#1, why not commit to this process for as long as it works?

[catonyx]

I'd probably just stick with what works. See T3 just to see how it goes, but I'd likely stick with T1 and not worry about the cost of the new plan. The right T is more important than a plan or shopping around.

Just my thoughts...

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[Mike_J]

I look at it as a win win if you see therapist #3. Either you will hit it off great, and you will be glad that you went, or you won't and you will still be glad you went because it will reinforce that therapist #1 is where you should be.

[Eucalyptus]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

First, therapist #1 won't know just because of the deductible, which can be reached with lots of other non-mental health related visits and tests.

That's true, but (skipping details) I had a firm sense of the elephant in the room last session. I didn't really like that but the upside is it puts me on notice to make a choice and handle myself upstandingly. I'm thinking now that the best way is to be up front with #1 about having one session with #3. Although that will be hard for me, the therapist kind of has to accept that.

Originally Posted by licketysplit

Fourth, if seeing #3 creates confusion, it might help you further clarify what you are looking for in therapy and a therapist.

That's certainly true.

Originally Posted by licketysplit

If you don't see #3, it sounds like you will always be wondering. Would that wondering eat away at you?

Yes. But I wonder if this is in indication of my lack of maturity, or wholeness, or something like that. As somebody else pointed out, I'm fortunate to have gotten a good start with someone I like. And yet I turn it into a perspective of my having been dumb, i.e. not having started therapy earlier so I could have known I didn't, or did, need to change plans based on having seen the others out-of-network.

You weren't dumb. You were/are being smart. It's always good to have more options or you'll feel that you settled.

It does sound a lot like mind games I play with myself, but the way I settle things like this is to err on the side of putting everything out there--sort of like lancing a wound. If therapist #1 has an issue with seeing #3, it's good to know that now because that's not a particularly professional way to respond. If #1 is fine with that, then it only strengthens the relationship.

Mostly though, don't beat yourself up over doing something that was (and is) in your best interest (getting a good plan with out of network options).