T on vacation, no set return date

Hi all- Looking for some different perspectives on this situation. I started with a new therapist in the fall, after being referred out by 2 other therapists. Last week, he told me that he is going on vacation and isn't sure when he will be back but will call upon his return.

What do you think about this? Who goes on vacation without a return date? I think he may be lying about the vacation and is just trying to get rid of me.

Unlikely that he's trying to get rid of you. He's self-employed I'm assuming and just has that kind of flexibility.

I wouldn't feel at all comfortable with that and would have asked him if that was how he typically runs his practice. I wouldn't read anything personal into it, though. He just doesn't sound very reliable.

I get it though. I'm off for the summers since I'm a teacher. Many times we'll leave town and really not have hardfast plans about when we are returning because we have the luxury of that kind of flexibility. He may just mean he's going out of town during vacation and isn't sure when he'll be back in town. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't know when he'll be back at work. It just means he doesn't plan to make those kinds of contacts until he is physically back in town.

I would find this quite unsettling from a therapist. I'm not sure it sounds all that personal at you to me, But certainly a sloppy and irresponsible way of running a business as a therapist.

I just read it that he'll call when he gets back into town. He just didn't have a specific date in mind for returning to town. I suspect he does have a specific date in mind for returning to work. Two different things. I never know when my therapist is going to return to town from vacation. At most, he tells me when he is returning to work. I don't expect he would make business phonecalls though until he was back in town and done with the traveling part of his vacation, whenever that ended. He may return three days before he goes back into the office, or he may return the night before he goes back into the office. Either way, he apparently won't make business phone calls until he's back home where he can access his numbers, messages, etc.

It seems really unlikely your T is trying to "get rid of you". Seems more likely he would terminate an unwanted client before leaving for vacation so it's off his mind. Unless you violate basic trust of a T somehow or spend vast amounts of time getting nowhere in your tx, termination is unlikely. There must be another explanation.

He may be saying "vacation" as a euphemism for taking medical leave. Or caring for family with some kind of problem. This might mean he's unsure when things will be resolved.

A boss at work was adopting a child out of a volatile family situation and left work/returned unexpectedly several times, staying longer and shorter than we expected. It was weird not knowing what was up until the big reveal upon her final return.

Thanks to all for the input.

The entire set-up just strikes me as odd. At the conclusion of my last session, He asked if I wanted to schedule another appointment. When I replied positively, he then explained this vacation situation.

I am a little embarrassed that I am letting this disturb me, but I do not handle uncertainty well.

It would disturb me too. I would find a different therapist. Some people might be able to handle uncertainty over when appointments would resume, I would not like it.

Does your T have a receptionist or is he part of a larger practice? If so, I would call and ask them if they have a return date for him.

I cannot imagine my T leaving for vacation without letting me know when my next appointment would be. However, if she explained that she was going on medical leave or had to take care of a family emergency, that would be a different story.

It doesn't strike me as something personal to you, but I too think how he has behaved is not a good sign. My T impresses on me the importance of continuity, and she expects breaks to need managing. She would never leave me with uncertainty like that.

that's really difficult. i hope you find some answers.

Unfortunately, he doesn't have a secretary, but we text to schedule appointments. I think I am going to suck it up and leave a message for him and ask for an approximate return date.

This would bother me - I have a lot of uncertainty in my life, I don't need it from my T.

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That is bizarre. I'm not sure what is going on. It would bother me too.

This would annoy me. I'd feel like I couldn't really relax, and I'd wonder how anyone could settle into a therapeutic relationship in those circumstances.

Do you feel inclined to look for someone else?

That seems like the simplest and most logical thing to do.

I doubt that the therapist is lying. I have heard one therapist saying she does that too - not set appointment after vacation but just call when she's back. I think this takes away from the sense of stability and security that the therapeutic relationship should provide. Not to mention that as a therapist such an arrangement would cause ME anxiety, even if some clients may manage it well. I just think that things need to be talked about beforehand, not left open like that.

On the other hand, I think what matters the most is how you feel about it and what you do. If you want to work with this therapist and feel trust between the two of you, perhaps try telling him how this has impacted on you and what you need. Perhaps this could help you both. But if you feel it's not worth it, perhaps you might like looking for another therapist rather than trying with this one if it doesn't feel right.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope you know that the way therapists manage their vacations has nothing to do with you. And if it does (which I highly doubt), then I think that therapist has serious issues, not you ... Just my thoughts.

This seems nuts to me as well. I don't think it's aimed at you personally (if that helps) - but I can't figure out why on earth he'd ASK you if you want another session, knowing you could full-well say "yes", and THEN essentially tell you that he can't schedule another session due to his open-ended vacation. It seems to me that it would be a bit kinder to anticipate that you might say yes, and maybe mention the vacation before asking you about scheduling something else.

But even putting that aside, this open ended vacation thing sounds wonky to me. I absolutely get that some people have the freedom to do that, but I don't think it's professional for a therapist to just leave without giving any indication of when they're coming back - geez, how does that not activate abandonment issues for even relatively "normal" healthy folks?!!

If he is having a medical issue (himself or his family), he needs to be a bit more transparent about that, because it changes the interpretation. He doesn't need to provide full details, but the situation would be different if he said, "I'm so sorry, a close family member is having some health problems and they need my help. I plan to be with them for at least two weeks, but I might need to be away longer, depending on how things progress. So, I'm not able to schedule additional appointments right now, though I'd be happy to call you when I'm back at work to set something up." Not hard.

The thing that would really confuse me is that he didn't seem to give any indication of how much variability there could be in his schedule... does he plan to go for 2 weeks, but may stay an extra day or two? Or is this something where he might be gone for months? Without some indication, you can't really guess... and that's sort of unfair on his part.

I'd find it very stressful and annoying. Was this your first visit with him? If you're not already connected to him, I'd probably find someone else, honestly. I'd worry that this might indicate that he doesn't really pay attention to details well, or consider his patients' needs, and I'd want someone a bit more... grounded and organized, someone that I felt I could count on, I guess. I also, if I'm being honest, wouldn't want to reward him (by continuing to be a paying client) for what seems like irresponsible professional behavior.

Good luck!