[secretgalaxy]

Lately, I've been thinking about quitting therapy. I'm just not going any where with it. Everyone thinks I'm doing good right now, but it's all a lie. Even my T has stopped scheduling ahead and is starting to push me away, as she thinks I'm doing great. The problem is, I'm not. Because of Hanukkah and the holidays, everything seems to be going well. I'm actually in a really really bad place, and while I'm a little scared, I like the fact that this time no body really knows how bad off I am. It's not like they can't fix me anyway...

[CANDC]

Have you told your t about this and why you are not doing great?

Or is this possibly just a holding onto the t as a symbol of security? I don't know and you don't say nor do you have to, but you say you need to tell someone.

Whatever is scaring you talk to your t. If they don't get it maybe it is time to find a t that specializes in your area of challenge.

Sounds like you need to be honest with your therapist about how you are doing.

^ i agree fully.

[secretgalaxy]

I don't care to tell her anymore. I just don't think I'm fixable and I'm just done with myself. It seems like everyone else is too.

[ThisWayOut]

:/
if she really is ineffective (though I have a feeling you may just be projecting), perhaps it's time for a new t?

[secretgalaxy]

She's helped me a lot, but I just keep getting sucked back down into a vicious cycle and I am tired of being hopeful that I will be able to live a normal life. I just don't think that is possible for me, so I'm just done trying to get help.

[Lauliza]

Why do your T and others think you are doing so well? Is it that you function and manage to accomplish a lot, but feel terrible inside?

[secretgalaxy]

I actually have mostly been able to function well in front of people, but as soon as I am by myself, I crumple. The major reason T thinks that I am doing well is because I just stopped showing her how I feel. Last time I was feeling this way, I decided to get help, and my T was slightly helpful. But I'll just keep having these cycles and they are getting worse and I am just tired of fighting them.

I can see quitting if you are feeling better, but if you're not, then it makes sense to try out another therapist and see if you can find one that sees your unresolved pain no matter how well you're coping at the moment.

[stopdog]

Sometimes therapy is just not the thing that is able to help.

[secretgalaxy]

LS, while it is probably a good idea to get a new T, I just don't want to restart again. My T has done an amazing job when I am willing to tell her how I feel, but everytime I start to feel a little bit better, I collapse again and I feel like I'm wasting her time as I can't seem to get better.

Stopdog, that is true. Maybe I just need to stop trying so hard to fix myself and leave therapy for a while, even if I'm really unstable.