[DelusionsDaily]

I'm missing x-pdoc BIG time. It's been a little over a year since he terminated me. For some reason I can't get to a place of acceptance. It's not constant but lately I'm just getting barraged with thoughts of him. It makes it really hard to move forward when periodically I'm consumed with thoughts of him. I can not even figure out why I can't let him go. It's just insane. I'm just so confused about it all. T says I didn't get closure the way things ended and she's not sure how I will find it. I'm just disgusted with myself for not getting over him yet.

Thanks all for being so wonderful.

~~delusionsdaily~~

My med regime:
AM:
300mg Seroquel
PM:
1,000mg Depakote ER
150mg Seroquel

[ThisWayOut]

Losses can be difficult. I know there are some losses from decades ago that creep up for me at times and hit like it was yesterday. Hang in there... it's not pathetic, it's just grief.

[unaluna]

I wonder if it means we havent really faced some other losses. That would certainly be true in my case. So i tend to get stuck on losses that are not as complicated.

you are not pathetic my friend. not now and not ever.

[Zippo]

I'm right there with you, DD. It's been over 2 years since I lost a psychiatrist who was very important to me. I looked up to him and and I could actually feel his warmth and kindness. I felt a heart to heart connection and came to really care about him. I miss him every day and talk to him in my head often throughout the days. I'm not in love with him, he was more like a mentor, and it was so helpful to talk to him. I've never gotten over the grief from this loss. Right now I have no one to turn to for help, no doctor, no therapist or psychiatrist, all these things are unavailable to me now where I live and I've completely given up. I'm in a terrible way and I really need to talk to him but, of course, that can't happen, I'll never see him again. So I have pretend conversations with him and feel utterly pathetic when I remind myself that he isn't actually there. Then, a few days ago, I bumped into him on the street. We had a nice superficial chat and I evaded the "how are you?" question because I knew it wouldn't be appropriate to lay my sorrows on him now that he is not my Pdoc so I made out that I was alright and changed the subject. But gawd it made me sad, so close to the one person I long to talk to and be real with and who could really help me during this desperate time, and it couldn't happen. I've been in tears ever since.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Zippo

I'm right there with you, DD. It's been over 2 years since I lost a psychiatrist who was very important to me. I looked up to him and and I could actually feel his warmth and kindness. I felt a heart to heart connection and came to really care about him. I miss him every day and talk to him in my head often throughout the days. I'm not in love with him, he was more like a mentor, and it was so helpful to talk to him. I've never gotten over the grief from this loss. Right now I have no one to turn to for help, no doctor, no therapist or psychiatrist, all these things are unavailable to me now where I live and I've completely given up. I'm in a terrible way and I really need to talk to him but, of course, that can't happen, I'll never see him again. So I have pretend conversations with him and feel utterly pathetic when I remind myself that he isn't actually there. Then, a few days ago, I bumped into him on the street. We had a nice superficial chat and I evaded the "how are you?" question because I knew it wouldn't be appropriate to lay my sorrows on him now that he is not my Pdoc so I made out that I was alright and changed the subject. But gawd it made me sad, so close to the one person I long to talk to and be real with and who could really help me during this desperate time, and it couldn't happen. I've been in tears ever since.

Wow Zippo, that sounds insanely hard what happened? Is there no way you could go back to see him? It sounds like you could really use the support?

Hugs to you, OP

[DelusionsDaily]

Not likely. Earlier this year I sent 2letters and he never responded. My T says she thinks that's his "No" to me. I don't know if I could handle another no from him. It's only been a yearand less than 6 months since the last letter asking him to be my doctor... I should probably wait till late 2015 or 2016. I don't want to bother him too much.

Thanks all for being so wonderful.

~~delusionsdaily~~

My med regime:
AM:
300mg Seroquel
PM:
1,000mg Depakote ER
150mg Seroquel