[ShaggyChic_1201]

It has taken all my psychological knowledge and moral fortitude to tell my T she needs to reinforce her boundaries and stop calling.

Very short back-story. I have recently undergone surgery to attempt to bring about a remission from unrelenting pain and had a med (Lyrica) reaction in her office. Tho before this started she was textbook at maintaining her boundaries, she has recently asked if she could do my grocery shopping and has been calling to check on me. Tho on one hand, my did because it made me feel loved. On the other hand, my brain said , this is not a real 2-way relationship and it's not love (I don't question she cares).

After much discussion, she will reinstate her stricter boundaries. Now, of course, I am kicking my brain for wanting to be independent . I want to make up a million stories to get her to call me again, but naturally won't. I will hold dear that she sought to help me even outside the bubble.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi ShaggyChick

It's good that's you're able to set realistic boundaries.

I'm not entirely why your T overstepped, but you seem to have things under control right now. Perhaps she was concerned, I'm not sure.

But either way, you've put a positive step forward. Keep going!

It sounds really special what she did, she sounds like she really cares, and I can imagine she felt incredibly frustrated by the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship. I think you did the right thing. People have told sad stories on here of when their relationship with their T has moved outside the boundaries. Have you told your T how you feel now?

Wow, that must have taken great self-restraint and self-discipline! My T's boundaries around self-disclosure are quite loose (sometimes to the point where they can be harmful) but I can't bring myself to say anything because paradoxically I don't want to lose that aspect of the relationship.
Well done for knowing what you need and how to ask for it.

[brillskep]

I wonder if perhaps having boundaries that are too restrictive can make it easier to slip into very loose boundaries if something serious happens. My therapist has occasionally called to check up on me after what he thought were difficult sessions (like twice in 5 years), we have occasionally met outside therapy for professional events, and we hug pretty often, but he would never offer to do my grocery shopping (and I wouldn't want him to) and he has boundaries that he doesn't give up on ... some I agree about, some I don't, and many are unspoken, but with most things he is constant. He doesn't call too much or offer more help than I need and feel comfortable receiving. Reading your post, I'm just wondering about this change in your therapist's boundaries and rigid versus loose boundaries.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm rambling

Your t sounds like she had some countertransference there. Good for you.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

It sounds really special what she did, she sounds like she really cares, and I can imagine she felt incredibly frustrated by the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship. I think you did the right thing. People have told sad stories on here of when their relationship with their T has moved outside the boundaries. Have you told your T how you feel now?

I think she was frustrated and concerned. She was the only person privy to how much pain I was in. She called one day when I was screaming and hysterical and b/c I'm always so 'in control,' I think it shook her. Reading PC was what made me realize how detrimental it could be if she crossed too far over the line.

T is on vacay now, but we'll discuss it further. Happy New Year PC friends