... and the Winner is ...

I ask myself the same question (with my T). My first response was to her clear statements of caring for you. I wished I had had those statements. and in a way, I sort of did, and it didn't hlep.

When I thought about it, she cared for you so much that she laid the blame on you. She analyzed and judged you. She vaguely owned she made mistakes, wasn't perfect, and then diminished their importance in what happened. She knows she's right and you're wrong. I'm guessing she didn't ask questions to help clarify things. In my book, the client is always right (well, not exactly, but it's what the client thinks & feels that matter. You don't convince someone you care, or develop trust necessary for therapy, by saying the words and arguing it's true.)

Oh, she invited you, for sure. The relationship she is offering you is not the relationship you want. You guys are speaking different languages. That is the problem, I think.

I was in a similar transference hell with my therapist. She broke my heart.

Hmmm...

Hope is all very fine, but experience is a surer guide.

You are right, though, this could be read as an invitation.

This.
From reading this and other posts, it seems to me that you both tried, and it didn't work. It's often the way in therapy, and one approach or personality that works for one client will leave another cold. She works in a certain way, and if it doesn't work for you, try other T's until you find one that does. It feels like this situation is a constant head banging, and is only going to extend the leaving and grieving process for you.

I see now that this letter of hers is the letter I wanted. It is as loving and conciliatory as she dares - she even mentions my Aspergers which is something she always tried to downplay. Perhaps she felt she was taking a risk by saying even this much.

I also hear something of her pain and frustration that we never really understood each other. I'm baffled that she doesn't understand me but it is pretty clear that she is just as baffled that I don't understand her.

It will have to be enough because she really doesn't have anything more to give.

I've sent her some spectacular flowers for Mother's Day (May 10) with the message: "Thank you for your generosity and patience. Love, CE"

I think Madame T's real message is, "Your mother loved you as much as she could, and it's nobody's fault that you couldn't feel it."