[stopdog]

On another thread this was mentioned. It sounds not a good thing to me - but others expressed it as desirable or not creepy. So a poll.

[RedSun]

My t says she feels angry that no one took me away from stuff that happened when I was young. She says she wishes she could have been there to keep me safe. I like it.

[guilloche]

My T hasn't mentioned it yet, but I would like it. It would make me feel cared about, and valued (for lack of a better word) . (I should clarify it, I would only like it if I believed it, right now me T says that he "cares", but... I feel like he doesn't know me well enough to really care, so while I think it's nice that he thinks he does, I don't think it's actually "real".)

[JustShakey]

I hate that I can't see polls in tapatalk, but seeing as this is relevant to me atm...

I have always seen needing others' protection and care as weakness. I always knew that I needed it, and as far as I was concerned, it was an inexcusable flaw that needed to be kept hidden at all costs. It's part of the reason I ended up in an abusive marriage - it made me feel strong in a way to be able to take the abuse, like I was paying my dues for my need for protection and care.

I am slowly accepting the idea that I am worthy of being protected and cared for (I mean, it's not like I don't do it for others!). It feels kinda nice...

Again, haven't seen the poll, so forgive me if I'm miles off. I just wanted to comment on this, for me. Thanks SD.

[precaryous]

The therapist can or would be my advocate if needed and I like it.

Mine hasn't said that she is. But if she's feeling this way and keeping it to herself, I don't mind. She doesn't go overboard with things in general, so it wouldn't feel creepy to me. With previous therapists, it would not have been okay.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by stopdog

On another thread this was mentioned. It sounds not a good thing to me - but others expressed it as desirable or not creepy. So a poll.

Why does it creep you out, Stopdog?

I don't see protectiveness as a particularly intimate thing.

I keep my eyes peeled for children and older people in distress as a matter of course - a child with parents shouting aggressively at him, and an older woman who looked unwell and in pain, are two recent examples where I felt a surge of protectiveness and waded in and got involved. I do not know those people at all, only think of them in instances like now, but just really wanted to protect someone in a vulnerable position. I wasn't thinking that I was close to these people, iyswim, but they looked unhappy and there was something I could do. Protectiveness spurred that on.

Hey, that was me
Definitely in the context it was the best way he could express his concerns for me without coming across as blamey or preachy. I can understand how in some contexts (and especially for people who get something different out of therapy like you do) it might come across as creepy or uncomfortable.

[ThisWayOut]

I go back and forth with this. I have had T's who expressed feeling protective and wishing they could have kept me safe from some of the stuff in the past. It made me feel safe and cared-for at the time, but they were always ones I had worked with for a while at the point that they mentioned it. If they would have said it any sooner, I may have been a bit freaked out.
My T 2 t's ago was protective but it was more of a "pretective about you now" thing rather than the past... I dunno, also a very cared-about & safe feeling from her though. I know she argued with her supervisor about keeping me on as a client longer than the program generally permitted, and keeping me on despite some of my slip-ups. She was also the first and only person to tell me she would help me stay safe, even from myself, but I had to communicate with her...
I think it's ok with me as long as it doesn't interfere with my life. T can feel protective (and even be protective to a degree) as long as I still maintain my freedom of choice.

[WrkNPrgress]

It seems there's a balance. For some people this might be good because they never had anyone show them they deserve a kind and protective response to something that is hurting them. For others, it might feel like too much.

My therapist had a very visible and verbal reaction to some of my self-abuse talk. It was a very 'momma bear' moment. I could tell it was a gut reaction and, yes, it felt really good. I'd never had that kind of response about this kind of stuff and though unsettling at first, it put me in the mind set that I do deserve better.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't know if I could call it protective. She has empathy. She is more than willing to put in effort to help me do difficult things, but she will not "protect" me. Like with my Pdoc, she's not going to step in the middle and try to solve the problem. With my fiance, she has never lectured him on how he treats me. She does encourage him to support me and help me and gives him ideas how to. She has never said she wishes I didn't experience something. She just emphasizes with the pain and emotions.

I don't want her to feel protective of me and she doesn't want to feel that way either. It would only place her in a mothering role which is something we both don't want to happen.

[unaluna]

I voted other. I'm there to fix whats broken. So like if a dentist puts a filling in my tooth, now i can chew as if its a real unbroken tooth, almost. So too my t. Whatever it takes. He knows hes not creating a new "tooth" and so do i - but if we can get it working like close to the original, we do what it takes. If i need to feel protected, he uses his wily ways to numb me to the process, fix it, and then i benefit when its over, after going around drooling for a while. More or less.

[Xenon]

Voted "other." I wouldn't really describe her as protective, and I'm ambivalent on whether that'd be a good thing if she were. I think part of me would feel cared for and like that, but I'm not sure that's what really I need at this point.

He is definitely not protective, not even slightly. I have no idea whether it is something I would like or not. I don't see it as something a therapist would be likely to express.

Well I wouldn't say protective but she has said occasionally tgat she wants to rescue me and she has to stop herself from interfering in my progress.

My t is very protective of me, but also respects the choices i make. She gets angry at the things i went through, and she still tries to keep me safe now.

[sailorboy]

Both? I know T struggles with protecting me too much and I likewise alternate between feeling patronized and neglected.

The therapist has not indicated they feel protective and I would like them to feel that way towards me

I have such a hard time with this. I don't feel he is protective and he does not convey to me through words or actions that he feels protective of me.

It seems my feelings of worthlessness have roots in my parents not protecting me--endangering me or letting me be in dangerous situations and doing nothing.

I'm not sure if I believe in this process anymore. It feels too much like the relationship with my parents, and I'm starting to think this is more harmful then helpful. For those of us who never had anyone looking out for us and need that - what's so bad about helping a client feel safe?

Even just a little hint here or there would be helpful as I feel like I beg for mere crumbs.

[Middlemarcher]

My T has never indicated that she feels protective toward me, and I am glad for that. I do want to feel that she cares about me. But I feel like "protective" crosses a line, to the point where I feel she would be overinvolved and too invested.

My T has never spoken in terms of feeling protective of me. I really feel neutral about this I guess. It doesn't matter particularly to me one way or another. I don't really feel I need protecting. I mean, I'm not a child nor am I helpless, so if that's how he feels, that's his deal I suppose. I wouldn't be bothered particularly by it I guess, but it isn't something I need.

[pmbm]

My T is not protective, she is very challenging. She helps me to face my issues and guides me and walks the journey with me, but she cannot be protective because it's my journey and I have to learn to follow that path for myself.

My T would never say this. Her approach is that we should feel our pain, not try to avoid it, it is all part of life.

However I see it as an expression of caring if someone says it. I would like it if my T looked me in the eye and said 'I care about you'.