[Asiablue]

I am searching for a new therapist after the one I'd been working with for over a year turned weird and then terminated me. It was a really difficult time and I really feel abandoned and re-traumatised.
I've had about 2 months break and am now trying to find a new one to work with but I find myself feeling very scared to start therapy again, I can't imagine being able to trust any of them not to do what the last two therapists have done.

I've been in touch with a couple of real possibilities and I just get a sinking feeling and a real panic when I think about starting again with another therapist. I just burst into tears reading their email reply to me. Just from the panic of starting with someone new or making the wrong choice or at the prospect that it could all go wrong again.

I know there's good therapists who stick with their clients thru thick and thin, I see evidence of it on these boards but I have zero confidence in me finding one of those.
I don't see anyway of knowing for sure that any future therapy won't turn to s-h-i-t. No matter how carefully I vet them, how clearly I lay out what my issues are etc and that's just scary to me.

Help!

[Dustyharley2]

My therapist just decided to leave the group he's with and they haven't assigned me another one. I think I know how you feel, betrayal after telling this person all those dark things in your life. I hope you will know the right one when you find them.

Do you plan to interview them in person? I was lucky to find mine in an IOP, but I think if I never went to that IOP, I would want to meet with a couple therapists in their offices. It's also important to feel comfortable in the room.

I can understand the fear. I had no idea what therapy was until I started (beyond what I had seen on tv), and even after sixteen months I am constantly surprised by my therapist's ability to be empathic and not judge. I personally feel like the therapeutic relationship is over when we disagree over something....but nope. He's still here.

I really hope you find a great therapist. We deserve consistency and stability!

[ThisWayOut]

It's a difficult thing to keep starting over. And sadly, there's no guarantee they will stay, or that they will be competent with everything you throw at them. But the chance is there to find a great t. They do exist (and when you find one, it's kinda like that m&m commercial where they see Santa. Both Santa and the m&m faint after saying "they do exist!" & "he does exist!"...) anyway... is scary to keep trying, and scary to put yourself out there, but it can be worth it.

[boredporcupine]

One thing that might help is trying to figure out what questions you can ask prospective T's to see if they are right for you. Here are some that others have found helpful:

1. Have you ever terminated a client? What reasons would you consider to be valid for terminating a client against the client's wishes?
2. How much of your own therapy have you had?
3. How long do you think therapy should last?
4. Can you give an example of someone you've worked with who had similar issues to mine?
5. What is your policy on out-of-session contact?
6. What can you tell me about your understanding of attachment theory?
7. What resources do you have for supervision or consultation?

Another option is there are some decent self-guided therapy options out there. Here is one that is based on IFS and has a free trial available: https://selftherapyjourney.com/Patte...plore_STJ.aspx Don't know if that would be of interest to you.

I'm so sorry you've been hurt

I suffered quite a bit leaving T1. Starting over again with T2 was a big adjustment. My advice is to talk to as many as you can, and select the person that you have the best personality fit with. It takes a while to feel safe again, but if you can find the right match you'll get there.

I have to ask - is therapy a real need for you at this point? I started a post a few weeks ago about whether or not I'd do therapy again, and right now if I could stop safely I think I would. I think there's more than one way to heal.

[PaulaS]

I´m in a very similar situation as yours, I didn´t see my T as long as you did but I also got terminated and now I feel abandoned and very sad. I miss her still and I don´t think she handled the situation in a proper manner.

For me about 2 months have passed as well and I´m in the situation of trying to find a new T. I´ve been to a couple of evaluation sessions but I won´t continue with those therapists.

I think it´s important telling a prospect T that you´ve been terminated and why so he or she knows and by that he or she can evaluate if he/she will be able to help you. I mean, some T:s don´t want you as a client if you tell them that you´ve been terminated as some T:s then think you´ll be a client who will be hard to handle. If a T has this opininion he or she won´t be the proper T for you.

I have the exact same questions as you have, the uncertainty about if the T will stand by me even if I complain and act out and I think you have to ask in some way even if it feels strange doing so. You don´t have to ask things like "can you handle if I scream at you" but I think you should ask about their boundaries, if they´re up to changing therapy methods to fit the client and so on.

It´s better getting negative answers already at the evaluation sessions than take a risk leading to a late discovery that the T wants to terminate you.

I really understand your situaton and the uncertainty is hard to bear but unfortunately the only way to find out is to try. I think it sounds positive you have two T:s that seem good, if they really are, they will respect and understand why you want to ask them about what client behaviour they tolerate and are able to manage.


I know there's good therapists who stick with their clients thru thick and thin, I see evidence of it on these boards but I have zero confidence in me finding one of those.
I don't see anyway of knowing for sure that any future therapy won't turn to s-h-i-t. No matter how carefully I vet them, how clearly I lay out what my issues are etc and that's just scary to me.

Help! [/quote]

I'm still in the 'getting to know you' stage with T2, but I must admit it hasn't been nearly as difficult to start over as I thought it would be. I have noticed I am much more guarded and careful about what I disclose and when than I was with T1, but I think that is because I have had the experience of therapy before and I know that rushing to disclose things has been traumatic and unhelpful for me in the past.
My best advice would be to start out slowly, introduce who you are as a person (rather than just your issues) and give the relationship time to develop. If you don't feel comfortable with a new T you can always leave and try someone else before you have become very emotionally invested in the relationship.
The trust issues are understandable given your history and definitely something that can be worked through with a new T. I like bored porcupine's idea of asking a new therapist outright what their termination policy is. At least then there will be no nasty surprises and repeating scripts for you.
I hope it goes well and you find what you need

[Asiablue]

thanks guys, I have formulated a ton of questions to ask and I spoke to one today who was open to all my questions (always a good start) I have narrowed my search down to two potentials. I like both so far and have spoke on the phone to both, so next move is to meet them I guess. It's just all so scary.