[Seeking_Peace]

I have read other threads here on hugging T's and some of you have mentioned that your T's have initiated hugs, especially after a hard session.

My T shook my hand during the end for first few sessions. During the last 2 sessions, he shook my hand in the beginning and end (both times he initiated). We have discussed some painful memories but I have not broken down (not yet anyway). I am wondering if the change in shaking hands in beginning AND end might be a clue that T may offer a hug down the road.

I want to clarify that T has been totally professional and I am perfectly ok with the handshakes. But the idea of hugging him is scary because I feel like I will act awkward and feel vulnerable. The handshakes alone make me feel vulnerable and I can't look him in the eye during those few seconds when we do it. Even though I know we have shook hands, I don't remember touching his hands (as in my hands go numb when I do it). I know there is no perfect answer to this and only time will tell......but I wanted to see from you all if there was a correlation between a T who shakes hands in the beginning and end of session, and being offered hugs as time goes by.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have never shook my T's hand. But I did talk to her about hugs at the first session. Hugs are important to me.

If you aren't comfortable with hugs, I would discuss it with your T before he might initiate a hug. Even if you're not sure whether you'd like it or not, it's best to get it out there in the open. He might not even be okay with hugs, so you might not have to worry at all. Plus by being open, he might be able to help you with any issues you have with touch.

[WrkNPrgress]

My t never initiated as hug per se. She asked if I wanted one first, I said okay.
The second time, I could sense that she was available for a hug and I said," oh, alright gimme a hug."

It doesn't sound like you T would try to hug you without asking first.

Do you want him too ask?

[precaryous]

I don't think I ever shook my Ts hand...hm...

She is a hugger...but goes by what is best for the patient.

I haven't asked her to hug me or pat me on my shoulder..or anything, yet. My situation is rather complicated.

Have you asked him how he feels about touch (or hugs) in therapy?

[unaluna]

There is no magic, there is no mindreading, there is no correlation, there are no statistics. There is just talking to the particular person - t, whatever - whoever you are with, and finding out how they personally feel, what they professionally care to do. And you tell them what you want to do, and you reach an agreement. Sounds simple but its not!

[Petra5ed]

Maybe a connection. My prior t didn't touch me at all ever. My current t did handshakes and eventually hugs. If you don't want a hug and you're asked it's super easy to get out of, just say "no thanks, I'm not really a hugger." Lots of people don't like hugs. I used to hate being touched by anyone ever, but eventually grew out of it... Anyways turning down a hug is not a big deal. I've even done it with my therapist even though I do love hugging him.

[PaulaS]

I don´t think there has to be correlation between a T shaking hands and hugging you. Hugs are for many T:s going beyond proffessional boundaries. I also think that a proffessional T will know and feel if a client is ready for a hug or that he or she will ask the client.

To hug a client just out of nowhere would be unproffessional and if he´ll hug you, make sure you feel ok with it. Or else, tell him. If you really don´t want a hug and that a possible hug scares I think you could tell your T this. Directly in session or if you feel embarrased about it, perhaps via e-mail if he offers contact by mail.

Originally Posted by Seeking_Peace

I have read other threads here on hugging T's and some of you have mentioned that your T's have initiated hugs, especially after a hard session.

My T shook my hand during the end for first few sessions. During the last 2 sessions, he shook my hand in the beginning and end (both times he initiated). We have discussed some painful memories but I have not broken down (not yet anyway). I am wondering if the change in shaking hands in beginning AND end might be a clue that T may offer a hug down the road.

I want to clarify that T has been totally professional and I am perfectly ok with the handshakes. But the idea of hugging him is scary because I feel like I will act awkward and feel vulnerable. The handshakes alone make me feel vulnerable and I can't look him in the eye during those few seconds when we do it. Even though I know we have shook hands, I don't remember touching his hands (as in my hands go numb when I do it). I know there is no perfect answer to this and only time will tell......but I wanted to see from you all if there was a correlation between a T who shakes hands in the beginning and end of session, and being offered hugs as time goes by.

My t initiates hugs.

[BonnieJean]

My t does not initiate hugs. I wouldn't want her to.

[Ellahmae]

Mine doesn't initiate hugs and she's very careful about touch. She asks every time (2x so far) and is very gentle - just used hands on back to calm. I think since being a trauma t she is more cautious, perhaps. I sense she would be open to a hug but I'm not sure and I don't have enough trust or confidence to ask for one.

[junkDNA]

my t asks me if i want a hug.sometimes i ask him for one. we dnt do it that much. but it feels safe when we do

[Seeking_Peace]

Thank you for all the responses.

No, T & I did not specifically discuss policies regarding touch. T does specialize in trauma and is aware of my CSA although we have no discussed details (T just knows it happened). However, my reason for seeing him has nothing to do with CSA or anything physical.

I do not have any issues with touch and feel safe with T. He is very professional during our sessions. I have no reason to think that he would just randomly hug me without asking permission first. He does not sit too near me and even when asking questions, he is very gentle and compassionate.

I don't have a problem with T hugging me b/c of the physical touch. I think maybe a part of me craves it. But I think emotionally, it may freak me out and make me act awkward because I will feel exposed. I already freak out internally when T gives me compliments (ie. that he believes in me, thinks I'm smart etc.). Because he started shaking my hand in the beginning of our sessions, I just wanted to see if others T's did this and later offered hugs. I'm not sure if T is simply testing to see my reaction.

[Gavinandnikki]

My therapist wouldn't have hugged me if a gun was put to her head.

[Ambra]

mine did in a very hard session. We hadn't discussed it beforehand. I perfectly got the meaning behind it in that moment, in that session and under those very circumstances. I didn't need to discuss it (we just talked about the powerful session) nor I wondered about any obscure meaning, it felt ethical and genuine. We have very good boundaries and never touched again. Probably she felt I needed that and that it would be ok to reach out and she was right.

I have never touched my T's flesh.

[stopdog]

The first one I see shook hands with me at the beginning and the end the first couple of times I went - until I said no more. She has never ever tried to hug me and has assured me she will not do so. I hope she means it.

[musinglizzy]

I initiated the very first hug, and she has initiated them since. I suppose my initiating that first hug told her it was ok. I love her hugs.