Bad session inspired me to work harder to help myself

I had a session with my t the other day that left me feeling really disconnected from her and unsure about whether she still cares about me or holds unconditional positive regard for me. Up until this session, I felt completely connected with her and trusted that she held a caring-positive regard for me. I'm not sure if she did or said something in session that made me feel this way or if it's purely self doubt and deep insecurity on my part. Either way, I was left feeling like I'd done something wrong, that I'm not worthy enough for my t's care and that I need to try harder and be a better client. It has inspired me to work harder, but I'm not sure if this is a functional thing to do (because it helps get me out of the rut I'm in and will help me move forward) or if it's a dysfunctional thing to do (because ... well, I'm wondering if I'm just doing it to make my t like me more than I feel she does at the moment).

I just want the connection between us back and if I can work harder maybe she'll like me better.

Idk. Any helpful responses? Any insights on what might be going on?

I would say not to judge the whole relationship by one bad session. Maybe your t was having a bad day. They are only human and have problems of their own. Maybe you can just go back with an open mind to the fact that everything may be just fine between the two of you. I don't think it is ever wrong to want to work harder for improvement.

If you had a connection you felt until this bad session then continue to go and try. You can even mention and examine your urge to be a "good" client and please your T. That being said, it's no bad thing to want to push yourself a bit. Whatever the motivation behind it there is no harm in taking some baby steps.

It happens to me too, but it has always been limited to one random session among many good ones. Have you had another session after that one? If you haven't, it will be likely to go well again, maybe last time there was something that didn't have anything to do with you. As hard as it might be, I think you could bring it up in the next session. You T might have an explanation, once mine said she actually just had a problem/fight and was still a bit upset. I don't know if it might have been your perception or something else, but a good talk will clarify things and make you feel better.

I think I agree that baby steps in the right direction are still steps. If it gets you where you need to be, does the motivation really matter? If you have felt stuck or in a rut with things, maybe believing that T suddenly dislikes you is what you need to get out of the rut.
your T has been pretty consistent, so I don't think she would suddenly up and change her regard for you (unless maybe she found out you were doing something ridiculously inappropriate and crossing a whole ton of boundaries while knowingly endangering a whole mess of people... and that's pretty unlikely from what you have been posting...). Sometimes I've found that my perception of things needs to change to just that bit more discomfort to force a shift in the right direction. Or maybe this is something from your past re-playing in the relationship with t?
Talking to her about it would be a good idea.

Thanks for your replies!

I know it's just this one time, but it's really thrown me.

Ambra, I haven't seen my t since and I hope you're right that it will go well when I next see her.

TWO, good question - the motivation doesn't really matter. I guess I should use it to get some good work done and focus on that, rather than try to figure out the why of it all.

sometimes I've found i can sabotage progress by thinking too hard about the motivations for progress. It can make a difference for like, addictions or behaviors that you are only giving up for another person, but sometimes those changes can last.
Good luck either way hon. Hope the feeling resolves the next time you see T.