[AnxiousGirl]

Okay I need help, asap. I'm 19 and I've been seeing a therapist for about 7 months now. Usually, I'm extremely reserved with people until I slowly adapt to them. I feel ashamed to say, that even in 7 months it's still taking me a while to adjust and feel safe with my therapist. She's great, dont get my wrong, it's just my personality. I can't tell her anything. I had a session yesterday and felt like I got nothing out of it, today something happened and I just cried, which I haven't in a really long time. What's wrong with me? Why can't I talk to her properly and express myself? I emailed her once, I wrote about that in my other threads, and we are discussing that next week, but is this normal? I feel like punching a wall right now. I dont know what to do

[kaliope]

i have heard of other people who actually get terminated because they dont talk to their therapists, so yes, you are normal. i look at therapy like jumping into a cold pool. i want to get better as quickly as i can, that means telling t stuff, uncomfortable stuff. just like the cold water in the pool. so how do you do it.....if you walk in slowly it just takes more time to get used to. but if you jump in with both feet, you might freeze for a minute but you quickly get used to it. so i go in there and blurt everything out to t. i dont even care if it makes sense, she can ask questions if it doesnt. i dont feel i am there to form a relationship, build a bond. i dont want to be her friend. that frankly creeps me out. she is there to fix me. for that she needs info. that is all i am giving her is info.

[growlycat]

It's ok to tell your T that you want to talk but you don't feel comfortable. A good T will help break the ice.

If a T terminates because you have a hard time talking, that that T doesn't sound like one I'd want to see.

[ThisWayOut]

Maybe if emailing helps, you could do that more often til you feel comfortable talking? Trust takes a while. I can totally relate to that...

You can't force something like this, or put a time limit on it. If you have a good relationship with this therapist, you are ahead of the game. It took me 20 years to find one I could open up to. Just keep showing up. If she's good, she will be able to help bring things out.

[deeptime]

i would say yes to is this normal trust is something that is very very hard for me to develop as well you may be onto something with the e-mail thing always seems safer to just write things out even if you don't send them don't give up it took me almost 40 years to do what you are just now doing at 19 for that i admire your courage

[Petra5ed]

It's normal, I would just say you should try to stop beating yourself up about it. Maybe start by talking about how hard it is to talk? Trust is a process that takes time. I'm 2 years into therapy and in my 30's and still uncomfortable, and I've found that I get more comfortable the older I get, at your age I would have been totally mute . When I really want to say something to my therapist but I just cant, I put it in a letter and give it to him. Also, a lot of sessions you won't notice a benefit immediately, and maybe not all of them do benefit you I don't know, but I think for me the process has been very gradual, and only looking back on where I started to where I am today do I really see the big change.

[guilloche]

I have a lot of trouble talking too. Can you write (at home) and bring that in? My T has seen how hard it is for me to talk through things, and is OK with me writing out things and bringing them in. I used to give them to him at the end of the session, but he's been encouraging me to give them to him at the start, so we can try talking about them - even if I can't say much, he reads it, and is able to respond to things and ask questions... so I get some kind of response.

Not perfect, but it's a way to get started, maybe?

It took me three years before I sort of trusted my old therapist and was able to talk decently to him. Of course he horribly terminated me four years after that, but it can and does take time for many people.

[dj315]

AnxiousGirl, we seem to have a lot in common with our therapy fears It is very common. You just need to give it time. I am the exact same way--extremely reserved until I get to know someone. I started seeing my T at the beginning of my sophomore year of college. I'm in the 2nd semester of my junior year, and I am just now starting to get comfortable with him. I actually had an effortless conversation with him yesterday. It was a rabbit trail conversation, but it was encouraging that I could finally get to that level of comfort, if even for a few minutes. This is in stark contrast to my first several sessions, where I was horribly awkward and barely able to squeak out sentences because I was so tense and nervous.

That said, I still struggle with being able to spit out the serious stuff and always have. I'm personally a heck of a lot better writer than speaker, so I have written emails once or twice and have even typed up a letter to have him read. It's all up to what your T is willing to do. It sounds like your T will be able to handle this very well, though. I think it is more important to get to the things you need to deal with--whether it is verbally stating them or putting it in writing. The issues with communication can be approached when your comfort level is higher.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Okay I need help, asap. I'm 19 and I've been seeing a therapist for about 7 months now. Usually, I'm extremely reserved with people until I slowly adapt to them. I feel ashamed to say, that even in 7 months it's still taking me a while to adjust and feel safe with my therapist. She's great, dont get my wrong, it's just my personality. I can't tell her anything. I had a session yesterday and felt like I got nothing out of it, today something happened and I just cried, which I haven't in a really long time. What's wrong with me? Why can't I talk to her properly and express myself? I emailed her once, I wrote about that in my other threads, and we are discussing that next week, but is this normal? I feel like punching a wall right now. I dont know what to do

I'm glad you feel safe enough to cry in therapy. A lot of people don't.
It's an encouraging sign and maybe the talking will come later? I hope so.