It makes me angry...

My original diagnosis was borderline personality disorder. Anxiety was added later. I already posted in the thread. I've found those with BPD usually want the strong connection with the T that we are discussing. When someone posts and sounds like me, I often see that diagnosis.

I think therapy is mostly a racket and a scam and I always wonder about people who defend therapists so vehemently. I think they're probably never been severely damaged or taken advantage of by a therapist and I'm glad. I wish therapists would be more open from the beginning about how harmful therapy can be for some people.

Personally, I can defend my therapists because they've all been professional, well trained, appropriate, and good at their jobs. IN MY EXPERIENCE there is no evidence of a scam, just professionals doing a good enough job.
I, however, have been taken advantage of by a secondary school teacher. Having discussed this with friends, it seems a fair few have had similar experiences. But I wouldn't describe all teaching as a scam and a racket.

I have a fantastic therapist, and even she is upset that I have to use my session time to process past bad therapy. But she has not once invalidated those experiences or denied that there's a problem in the profession.

Jumping on people who've been hurt by bad therapy just because others haven't had such an experience is a little victim-shaming. It's like telling a women who's been raped that not all men are bad. The thing to do is listen and not shut them down.

What I see here on this forum, now and in the past, are people who have been harmed by therapists that foster dependency and fuel a deep need for connection, and then pull away. Unless those posters have been lying, I would say that's some pretty damaging therapy. I appreciate the OP pointing this out. It raises awareness that this sort of thing does exist. People do get hurt. That's why there's TELL.

For those who have good therapists, great. They exist. I have one now. But please don't deny the reality that exists for others. It's important that people are informed and aware of what bad therapy is as much as good therapy.

I think there is a certain kind of client who gets attached to their therapist, and that client is one who (typically) didn't have their needs met as a kid. Growing up with two emotionally unavailable nut job narcissist parents, I missed out on a lot. I've had unhealthy attachments for as long as I can remember to teachers, friends parents, etc. I don't think my therapist manipulated me so much as it is easy for me to really fall for and attach to certain caring people. I think it's biological actually, you need an adult as a child to feel safe and have your needs for food/water/shelter met. I think was trying to find substitutes in case my parents couldn't fulfill my basic needs because on some level that was the fear.

True, I don't know anyone else (off this board) whose as attached to a therapist as me, but who admits that kind of stuff anyways? LOL. I also don't remember any friends from my childhood giving any kind of crap about other kids' parents as much as I did, but again, who would have admitted that to me then, probably no one. In my mind the problem is me and not my therapist. He really hasn't done anything above and beyond to make me fall for him, I cant look back and pin point any seductive behavior (unless just being nice is seduction.) So I'm hurt at times, truly, but I can never stay angry with him. I will say though that if he refused to hug me and refused any kind of email or texting I would be angry. As it stands though our contact, while feeling totally inadequate, is sufficient for me not to blame him. I feel like he is only doing his job as best he can.

I joined PC thinking there wouldn't be judgment here. Guess the only place I can go where I won't be judged is my therapists office...oh! wait! Don't do that! It's just a scam!

There is judgment everywhere. Therapist's are trained to try and not show it. IF therapy helps someone then good. It is not the only way to get help and it does not universally work. The failure of therapy to work is not necessarily due to the client not doing something correctly.

But therapy itself is not what is harmful to people...bad/incompetent therapists are. Therapy might not work for some people, and indeed it might bring up some painful feelings and memories (depending on what kind of therapy you are doing and why you are there), and of course attachment and transference may become complicated and painful, but that is an entirely different matter.

I'm glad other people have talked about T attachment in a positive light. I don't feel negatively towards the imbalance. I have a husband and I have my best friend and I don't expect my T to meet any other need except with what needs to be done with my depression in terms of treatment. I value his nonjudgmental attitude (or so he presents to me that way) and I see it a lot like riding a bike with training wheels. I know I won't get a bad reaction so I can practice being open and as it gets easier, I can apply that to my life.

Not everyone finds value in that. But I do.

No judgement here? I don't really understand what you mean by that. There is of course judgement here. And therapists do judge clients. It is unrealistic to think they don't. They might not admit it, but they do. I just think people need to be careful of putting so much trust and faith and hope in one person being able to help them. It isn't healthy and it isn't safe.

(((Puppy))) not judgments, puppy - opinions!

But how do you separate therapy and therapists? Therapy is practiced by therapists so of course it can be harmful.

I just think most people are delusional about the whole process being helpful. That's fine. It you think it helps then that is what matters I guess. I'm entitled to my opinions and everyone else can have their opinions as well.

Actually, I've found it perfectly healthy and safe to put great trust and faith into my therapist and my pdoc. I don't think trust itself is unhealthy or unsafe. I do think idealizing someone and being unable to recognize their faults is unhealthy, and I do think putting all your eggs in one basket so to speak is unhealthy, but that doesn't mean your therapist cannot be one of those people in that basket of trust.

My words were "so much trust and faith and hope in ONE person." THAT is unhealthy and I see that here over and over and I see people get damaged and hurt because they have no one else and are not encouraged to foster other relationships. Therapists should not encourage that and many of them do because they seem to have some kind of "God" complex.

It's a big relief to me that I don't have an intense attachment to my psychiatrist (my therapist). I honestly was concerned about that because I do have a tendency to put people up on pedestals.

But I know that my therapy has been effective because, even though I respect her tremendously and look forward to my sessions, I find as time goes I look to myself to resolve thoughts and situations that I'd previously have taken to therapy with me. I in fact lead my sessions with her available to redirect or help when needed.

I can see how, when I first started therapy emotionally vulnerable and desperate, why a very intense attachment to my therapist may have felt very satisfying. A good hit of relief. But in the long run it wouldn't have benefitted me and could have made things worse.

I don't fault anyone for idolizing a therapist. Had PC existed when I was in the thick of it I'd be right there too.

However in my case, I do fault the multiple therapists for leading me on with the illusion that therapists were something they weren't, that they could compensate for what I missed in childhood and that they had ANY mastery of life that I didn't. They were like stage performers taking roles of authority figures and parents. I ultimately found that manipulative, dishonest and harmful.

And I fault the larger profession for what I see as objectifying, remote, condescending depiction of clients in its literature. From what I've read, it would be very easy for a therapist in training to lose sight that he's just an imperfect human being reaching out to another. I can see why a therapist can evolve to believe his own publicity as authority figure, savior and stage manager in another person's life. I find this harmful.

I now know a therapist in real life. And unfortunately, she acts in real life pretty much how I've seen them in practice--telling me repeatedly compassionate she is (like she's created a persona for herself), playing queen bee, boasting about her accomplishments and doling out unsolicited (and in this case absolutely inept) Life Lessons.

A real life colleague behaving like this simply is a fool. If I went to her as a distressed client, I'd probably buy her performance, unfortunately. It's impossible to get perspective on who the person is from the construction of therapy.

My T has said "I'm a regular person" to me and that helps. She encourages me to foster other relationships but the work we do in my therapy requires a closeness that may not occur in other modalities of therapy. I believe in "different strokes for different folks". It's okay to voice opinions in a thread as long as people realize that's all they are. No one is personally being attacked here but it sometimes feels like we are. Then a thread gets deleted because of fighting. We can express differing opinions which makes for interesting conversations as long as we realize that there is no one right or wrong answer. Just MY opinion.

This is exactly what I did not sign up for. It is fine with me if it is what others want. I do not. I have found a way to make the therapist useful - but it does not involve, to the extent I see it and can stop it, the therapist manipulating me into healthier behavior and thinking. When the therapist tries this sort of ****, I refuse to play along. Not what I hired the woman for.

Stopdog, I can't stop wondering: What DID you hire the woman for?

There are some types of therapy that encourage patients with histories of trauma and attachment issues to form a firm, loving attachment to their therapist. In a nutshell: The theory says this therapeutic attachment will form the basis for healing and will allow the patient to form other healthy attachments in the rest of their life.

At least, that's what I've read and what people tell me. It may work. I don't know. I would not chose to do such therapy myself. If someone writes a post about it helping, I wouldn't tell them I disagreed. It undoubtedly helps some people. It wouldn't be for me because although I can understand the theory, I can't wrap my head around the real life implications.

If a T had 20 patients with attachment issues and 10 who were less troubled by attachment, and 10 of the combined caseload needed regular reassurance outside of session, email and text and phone contact -- I don't see how they could do it consistently over the long haul for all of them all the time. Not if they had their own life. Not if they sometimes got tired or sick or needed a holiday. The number of posters who went into complete nosedive, rage or the despair of abandonment because their Ts took an extended Xmas break was truly heartbreaking to read.

It may be good in theory and it may work with certain patients, but it seems the reality might create a large number of patients who had their feelings of abandonment and betrayal increased because the T could not humanly be available and firmly attached to offer support to that many people over the long-haul. To me, encouraging it without taking real life time and energy demands into consideration seems like a recipe for disaster.

I don' think Ts who encourage attachment and then can't live up to the demands placed on them by a real-life patient case load are doing it for evil purposes, to hurt others or to feed their own egos. I think they believe in the theory and get taken by surprise if there's no humanly way possible to provide as much support as they thought they could.

In most cases, it probably starts out with really good intentions. But if even a holiday break can trigger intense feelings of rage, despair, abandonment, disconnection and betrayal, I don't know how this theory can work for a lot of people, no matter how well-intentioned the T might be. I do remember something about good intentions paving the way to hell.

To all posters for whom it works, I mean no disrespect to your process. The above is just my opinion. Feel free to ignore it.

In my opinion, a therapist who stokes love, idolizing or a strong attachment is equivalent to the worst of heartless lovers. He doles out his affection and attention through an eye-dropper, on a schedule he dictates, according to rules he makes, in the tiniest portions that he extends then quickly removes.

If a friend's lover wooed her charmingly and fervently for 50 minutes a week, then ignored her for the remainder, I'd think the guy the world's biggest jerk.

Therapy does a fantastic job of simulating an intimate relationship, with a person giving us all his caring and focus--oh so briefly. I found though it's ultimately cruel.

I feel like I'm having a different experience to some people. Therapy works for me because there are rules and boundaries. It works because there is no expectation of love or friendship.

I can tell her things because I am a client and no more. I admit I have attachment issues and I never thought I could do therapy without being "in love" with the therapist and yet I'm pleasantly surprised. I feel honest with her and able to work through most issues. She will hold me accountable for some things in the sense that she wants to explore why I feel the way I do to help repair it.

I'll feel super sad without her but I see changes and my ability to cope with things getting better.

Therapists who encourage attachment only to pull it away are very cruel and I think it serves no purpose. Most of us here know how to hurt, that's not teaching us anything. Knowing secure attachment or containment is new. Helpful to some but not others.