Professional cuddlers instead of therapy?

Feb 07, 2015, 01:18 PM

I'm tired of feeling forlorn and deprived. If this comes to my area, i might quit therapy and start using a professional cuddling service to get the maternal nurturing I never got.

About | Cuddle Up To Me

Quote:

: What can I expect from a cuddle session?

A. During a cuddle session we can sit, lie, or do something in between. This is your time to receive the love and attention that you deserve. We may hold hands and chat sitting close on a couch, lie in bed and cuddle big spoon/little spoon style, or maybe you sit/lie down and I gently caress your arms/back while I lay near you. There are a thousand variations of this, but all require that we make you comfortable, relaxed, and feeling the sort of love a mother gives to her child. This is in no way sexual, but is intended to give you the feeling that you are not alone, and that the world is a good place. We all need to feel the warmth and closeness of another to feel whole, and I am here to help you achieve that in whatever way makes us both feel comfortable. You will receive the sort of touch needed to help bring you the comfort that will encourage you to feel your best in each session.

I'm mostly kidding around, but part of me is serious!

I want this so badly from my therapist, but it would never happen....

unaluna · Feb 07, 2015, 01:30 PM

There are those!

Otoh, if you do have a significant other, i know of people who get a "presciption" from their t to have their partner hold them for like an hour. Not as part of sex therapy or leading up to sex, but to get this cuddling fix.

I heard it again on tv this week, humans need 6 to 10 hugs a day for optimal growth.

RedSun · Feb 07, 2015, 02:26 PM

I have a professional cuddler.
And it's great, because there is no expectation on her side, she just loves to cuddle me.
She is very cheap, just a bowl of Bakers and a quick walkies each day
Se does whiff a bit though, and sometimes has twigs in her beard

ScarletPimpernel · Feb 07, 2015, 03:53 PM

Professional cuddler seems more like hiring an escort.

musinglizzy · Feb 07, 2015, 03:56 PM

We recently had a "cuddle house" open in my area....but they were out of business quite quickly. Apparently my city is just not ready to be open to that type of thing, and expect it to end up sexual. Would I use it myself? No. But I surely understand the need and concept.

guilloche · Feb 07, 2015, 04:00 PM

I think it's interesting... part of me likes the idea, though I think it could be weird. That said... I could have sworn that I saw something a few years ago about "cuddle parties" (platonic only!) that sounded really cool. (Oh wait! Look at that, it still exists! Cuddle Party - A Workshop and Social Event on Boundaries, Touch and Communication )

It sounds interesting, and they seem to be on meetup in my town (!). I might actually have to go investigate! It might freak me out, but on the other hand... I'm actually a really huggy person in real life (ha - I think my T has no idea) but without a lot of people close to me to hug.

Does going to a cuddle party, where you could potential hug lots of people (instead of just the professional cuddler) sound more or less weird?!

Edit to add: Um. The one near me seems to occur a few times a year at somebody's house. I don't know why, that kind of freaks me out a bit! Interesting concept though!

Second edit: Yeah, the more I read, the more it kind of squeaks me out. It's the "strangers" part, not the touching, I think. Sigh...

musinglizzy · Feb 07, 2015, 04:01 PM

In away, they talk about everyone needing touch and love, and that's what these things are for. Seems to me, it might not fulfill what we really need, because, just like therapy, this isn't REAL love. They're being paid for a service, just like a T. They may truly feel a love for us, but it's not honest love, when payment stops, I'm sure any love that might have been there goes away too.

Feb 07, 2015, 04:14 PM

I doubt i'd be comfortable with cuddling with strangers, but I think there might be a need for these services. I was viewing it more like massage therapy, which I think is super good for your health, just not affordable for many.

You're right Hankster, a partner is ideal. I am too depressed to date right now, and I live alone, moved away far from my male friends who might be cuddle partners. I guess theyre no longer friends if I haven't spoken to them in years.

I used to cuddle with my boyfriends for hours and sleep with my head on their chest right where I could hear and feel his heart beat. That was so soothing and relaxing, it also emotionally regulated me. I dream of doing that with T.

This was post was more about my state of mind than cuddle stores, but that's something too. It might be a good thing for people who are lonely.

Feb 07, 2015, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

I heard it again on tv this week, humans need 6 to 10 hugs a day for optimal growth.

Where does that come from?

Well that means I can quantify my deprivation....

Feb 07, 2015, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

In away, they talk about everyone needing touch and love, and that's what these things are for. Seems to me, it might not fulfill what we really need, because, just like therapy, this isn't REAL love. They're being paid for a service, just like a T. They may truly feel a love for us, but it's not honest love, when payment stops, I'm sure any love that might have been there goes away too.

True, wouldn't fulfill the gaping need for love, but it might help with anxiety and depression and promote overall health via oxytocin:

10 Reasons Why Oxytocin Is The Most Amazing Molecule In The World

scorpiosis37 · Feb 07, 2015, 05:34 PM

I would not feel comfortable getting that from a stranger or professional cuddler (just would feel too weird), but there have been times I've wished I could get that from my T. I don't want that from just anyone, but given that I have a somewhat "maternal" relationship with her and know she is safe, it would feel ok with her. However, it's not within appropriate boundaries. The most she will do is sit next to me and put a hand on my leg-- which is more than some. But sometimes I wish she'd sit kind of "cuddled up" next to me.

healed84 · Feb 07, 2015, 06:02 PM

Ack......

Feb 07, 2015, 06:13 PM

What a fascinating idea . . . if it was truly non-sexual touch for both the receiver and the receivee. I'd never be able to participate, but I will say that I do have an intense longing to be able to tolerate gentle non-invasive touch. Alas, it skeeves me out every time

Same thing for emotional closeness and connection. I can't seem to be able to tolerate emotional intimacy. Sure hope reincarnation is true because I want to come back in my next life with all of this stuff off the table and not an issue!!!

tealBumblebee · Feb 07, 2015, 08:00 PM

I'm really suprised because I think i'm a "huggy" person (more so to small kids) but I kind of cringed at all this cuddle party stuff. It's honestly the type of thing people would expect of me to go to but I can't help but find this idea extremely uncomfortable. I do think it is an awesome idea for those who could benefit from the service.

Feb 07, 2015, 08:13 PM

I was trying to be tongue-in-cheek about it, but I'm not such a good writer.

I'm afraid that if I write about how deprived I feel, that no one would really care. Or I'd be criticized for my dependence issues. Too much of a risk.

Too depressed to be that vulnerable right now.

Petra5ed · Feb 07, 2015, 08:18 PM

I only really want hugs from a handful of people I'm close with and trust. I think that's the only drawback to these "professional" cuddlers, I just cant see hugging/cuddling with a stranger. It kind of sucks I cant just cuddle with my therapist actually. I'm sure I could do it and avoid it being sexual, I bet it would be weird though.

unaluna · Feb 07, 2015, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mian síoraí

True, wouldn't fulfill the gaping need for love, but it might help with anxiety and depression and promote overall health via oxytocin:

10 Reasons Why Oxytocin Is The Most Amazing Molecule In The World

I remember oxytocin and hugging were the first things i googled on my new phone when i restarted with my current t. I wanted hugs from him and i needed the research to back me up.

It was serendipitous that at my first meeting with him, i saw him hug goodbye his previous client, a seven year old boy there with his mother. I walked in and said, "you dont discriminate on the basis of age or sex, right? I want a hug too!" The first couple of years at least i still felt weird about the hugs; now not so much.

Asiablue · Feb 07, 2015, 09:41 PM

Surely the person would only be a "stranger" in the beginning and eventually he/she would become someone you could get a bit of a bond with and then it would be awesome.

If I had the guts to go try it, then I think I would def go!

Asiablue · Feb 07, 2015, 10:03 PM

Wanted to add... http://www.tantsu.com/ this is a type of yoga where the practioner holds the client in different positions... maybe people would be more comfortable withsomething like this?

Feb 07, 2015, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

I remember oxytocin and hugging were the first things i googled on my new phone when i restarted with my current t. I wanted hugs from him and i needed the research to back me up.

Is that another way of saying that you've felt this kind of deprivation too?

stopdog · Feb 07, 2015, 10:34 PM

Would you consider stopping therapy for awhile and trying some of the touch stuff to see how it could help you? It is possible that it could help lead to a place/help make psychodynamic useful at a later time.
Or do therapy one week and touch the next - so every other week rather than weekly? I think there are various paths to help one get where they want to go - just need some exploring.

Feb 07, 2015, 10:44 PM

That might be a reasonable option Stopdog. Maybe i could take a break from it, do somatic stuff, and come back. I think the every other week option would be more difficult.

I'm trying medications too, but so far, no luck. I could always go back to the ADD meds, but really don't want to be on them. I might have too if this doesn't dissipate.

I sent him an email about working on my depression in therapy rather than relational stuff, so we'll talk about it this week. Last time I brought this up he said we could do more supportive therapy. In his view, that is talking about the here and now rather than the past. My view of more supportive therapy is quite different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Would you consider stopping therapy for awhile and trying some of the touch stuff to see how it could help you? It is possible that it could help lead to a place/help make psychodynamic useful at a later time.
Or do therapy one week and touch the next - so every other week rather than weekly? I think there are various paths to help one get where they want to go - just need some exploring.

Feb 07, 2015, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mian síoraí

I was trying to be tongue-in-cheek about it, but I'm not such a good writer.

I'm afraid that if I write about how deprived I feel, that no one would really care. Or I'd be criticized for my dependence issues. Too much of a risk.

Too depressed to be that vulnerable right now.

There is nothing wrong with wanting what you missed. I don't know what the answers are, but I just wanted to say there is absolutely nothing to criticize you for here.

unaluna · Feb 08, 2015, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mian síoraí

Is that another way of saying that you've felt this kind of deprivation too?

Yes. A few previous ts asked if they could hug me at our last session. I told current t about that, that i didnt understand it. Was i human only on that last day? My mother especially, but also my father, neglected me. In so many different ways. That i think almost everything my friends families do for them (or vice versa) is weird and over the top. Pick them up at the airport? Make them cocoa? Help them move? No way. We dont know how, too much trouble, we're busy, do it yourself. I think i heard do it yourself or go read a book a lot.