Professional cuddlers instead of therapy?

newday2020 · Feb 08, 2015, 09:30 AM

knowing myself, if I went to a cuddle session I would be looking for a cute guy.
I wouldn't go. Sounds like risky business.
Who's gonna pick up the pieces if someone has a breakdown?

rainbow8 · Feb 08, 2015, 10:02 AM

Mian, my T is certified in Somatic Experiencing and holds my hand at each session. She says it is to calm my nervous system and make new neural pathways in my brain. She thinks my unmet needs stem from infancy, being a preemie in an incubator, and my Mom somehow not being attuned to me. Maybe SE could help you.

Koko2 · Feb 08, 2015, 02:34 PM

I'd probably pay for a cuddle, but they don't have these services in my neck of the woods.

peaches100 · Feb 08, 2015, 04:23 PM

I could never go to a cuddle party with strangers (or even friends for that matter). The only person I feel 100% comfortable hugging is my husband. I long to have physical comfort from my t, but it has been too difficult because she felt hesitant to do it in the past, and I feel too nervous or ashamed to accept it now when she offers. It's my own fault because I have a disorganized attachment style. Hugging and cuddling is something I crave, but am terribly afraid of too, because feeling too closed to people scares me.

ECHOES · Feb 08, 2015, 04:46 PM

Yeah, we missed the cuddles growing up, and the many things that are attached to that.
I think differently now, after years of great therapy. Therapy that included many discussions about the desire for touch, for holding, for sitting near, and telling her that it seemed completely logical and plausible that she could "love me" to wellness because then that deep canyon of emptiness would finally be filled.

Now I think that what was missed was missed. The yearning may never go away, but it can lessen as we learn to accept and love ourselves, and learn how to have healthy relationships that provide many things we need such as intimacy, trust, acceptance, inclusion, forgiveness, encouragement, etc.

scorpiosis37 · Feb 08, 2015, 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

Yes. A few previous ts asked if they could hug me at our last session. I told current t about that, that i didnt understand it. Was i human only on that last day? My mother especially, but also my father, neglected me. In so many different ways. That i think almost everything my friends families do for them (or vice versa) is weird and over the top. Pick them up at the airport? Make them cocoa? Help them move? No way. We dont know how, too much trouble, we're busy, do it yourself. I think i heard do it yourself or go read a book a lot.

I can really relate to that. I couldn't even imagine my family making me cocoa. I'm literally laughing out loud at the absurdity of the idea. When I was sick or had surgery as a child, I had to take care of myself. I never got soup or a hug or even another human to simply be in the house with me, lest I need to be monitored for a high fever or driven to a hospital. It's hard now, as an adult, to realize what it is like in some other families. I want it so bad, but it also makes me uncomfortable-- or at least it takes me a long time to warm up.

Gavinandnikki · Feb 08, 2015, 11:40 PM

My mother's "cuddles" were psychological handcuffs. I begged my therapist for any touch at all. Nope. Not happening. Made me ill with longing.

musinglizzy · Feb 08, 2015, 11:52 PM

I am lucky in that I get both therapy and touch from my T. Hugs every session, and sometimes she'll sit by me and hold me depending on the mood/subject. I feel very lucky there. This somatic experience stuff, I've never heard of it....I'll have to look it up.

unaluna · Feb 09, 2015, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I can really relate to that. I couldn't even imagine my family making me cocoa. I'm literally laughing out loud at the absurdity of the idea. When I was sick or had surgery as a child, I had to take care of myself. I never got soup or a hug or even another human to simply be in the house with me, lest I need to be monitored for a high fever or driven to a hospital. It's hard now, as an adult, to realize what it is like in some other families. I want it so bad, but it also makes me uncomfortable-- or at least it takes me a long time to warm up.

Thank you so much for this. The cocoa came from an actual incident. I had a date in college, the young man brought over pastries, took me ice skating, and said "then we'll go back to your house and your mom will make cocoa and we'll have the pastries. Everybody's mom makes cocoa." Yeah not mine. Usually no one was around on Saturday afternoons, but that day everybody was in the kitchen, making sure we knew we were in the way. Its weird - The family was fine around guys who were not a threat to the status quo, but anybody who really valued me? They were very uncomfortable. Im sorry it took me so long to get this.

BlessedRhiannon · Feb 09, 2015, 11:33 AM

Ack! Am I the only one that got totally skeeved out just reading about professional cuddlers?! Made my skin crawl just thinking about it. I know I have issues with touch, though.

stopdog · Feb 09, 2015, 04:42 PM

What amuses me about myself is that I am not nearly as creeped out by the idea of a professional cuddler as I am about being touched by a therapist.

scorpiosis37 · Feb 09, 2015, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

What amuses me about myself is that I am not nearly as creeped out by the idea of a professional cuddler as I am about being touched by a therapist.

I don't think your reaction is particularly unusual. I had four or five T's before my current one, and when they asked if I wanted a hug I was both creeped out and confused as to why they would think I would want a hug. It is only my current T that I have ever wanted to hug--- and that didn't happen until a year into doing attachment work. For others, I can understand why they would never want to hug a T. I mean, I don't want to hug my dentist or my physician. A professional cuddler is meant to cuddle you, just like a massage therapist is meant to give you a massage. It's their job. I may not want those particular services, but if someone does, it makes sense to go to a professional who offers them.

scorpiosis37 · Feb 09, 2015, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

Thank you so much for this. The cocoa came from an actual incident. I had a date in college, the young man brought over pastries, took me ice skating, and said "then we'll go back to your house and your mom will make cocoa and we'll have the pastries. Everybody's mom makes cocoa." Yeah not mine. Usually no one was around on Saturday afternoons, but that day everybody was in the kitchen, making sure we knew we were in the way. Its weird - The family was fine around guys who were not a threat to the status quo, but anybody who really valued me? They were very uncomfortable. Im sorry it took me so long to get this.

I can relate to your story. When I was in high school, friends would come over to hang out and then ask silly questions like "what's for dinner?" The answer was "would you like to go to a restaurant or order delivery?" I didn't understand who they thought was going to prepare a meal for them. I had been responsible for my own meals since I was 11, but I wasn't taught how to cook. My dad gave me a credit card and told me to use it to order out.

ragsnfeathers · Feb 09, 2015, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

What amuses me about myself is that I am not nearly as creeped out by the idea of a professional cuddler as I am about being touched by a therapist.

I agree with this, for two reasons which I suspect aren't the same as yours.

My rational reason is that I think for me it would be all too easy for therapy to become a substitute for growth instead of a motivator. At the moment I don't have any desire to hug my therapist but if I did I would rather just live with the feeling and figure out how to get it in my "real" life, for lack of a better word.

The nonrational reason is that how I'm slowly starting to interact with him verbally, like what I'm telling him, is so intimate and vulnerable that hugging would be - overkill? too much? Just seems off, like adding yin to yin or something.

stopdog · Feb 09, 2015, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ragsnfeathers

I agree with this, for two reasons which I suspect aren't the same as yours.

My rational reason is that I think for me it would be all too easy for therapy to become a substitute for growth instead of a motivator. At the moment I don't have any desire to hug my therapist but if I did I would rather just live with the feeling and figure out how to get it in my "real" life, for lack of a better word.

The nonrational reason is that how I'm slowly starting to interact with him verbally, like what I'm telling him, is so intimate and vulnerable that hugging would be - overkill? too much? Just seems off, like adding yin to yin or something.

Not the same as my reasons at all. But I am in favor of professional cuddlers for people who want it.

ragsnfeathers · Feb 09, 2015, 05:23 PM

Same here. And hugs from therapists for people who want that, too.

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