What do you want to hear your T say to you?

I thought I would phone you JoBo just so you know that I'm thinking of you & remind you again that I do really care about you. I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I am sorry that you had another difficult week, but it will get easier. You are so brave & I admire you so much. You have a very very special place in my heart.

I think about you during the week and hope you are doing alright. I will be here for you as long as you need me and nothing you say will ever make think less of you. You've worked really hard to get to where you are and I want to help you as long as you want me to.

I love you.

You are important.

I really like you.

You matter.

I'll change my schedule so your sessions can end at 7:00 instead of 6:30.

I want him to tell me that I'm fine just the way I am. That I don't have to change to be okay.

I feel more sorry for my t after reading some of these wishes. My t has said several of these reassuring things... Nothing I say can make him think less. .. hee is willing to work as long as i am..... I am not alone........

But sadly and somehow, I trust him but can't seem to take into heart any of it. It's strange really, i believe him completely but i don't some how at the same time.

There are a few things i wish but I know they are not theraputic or some even possible to guarantee:
i wish he would start each session by telling me:
he will never leave me unless it's out of his hands like death.
He can handle anything I say, do, or experience and can help me be ok.
He truly cares about me as a person and not just a job/client (not inappropriately)

During session:
Care enough to Push me to say/do what my rules won't let me do to take care of myself.
Touch my arm or something when things get hard or upsetting to support me and show me I am really not alone. (I would burst into tears but it would be worth it)


I also wish he would end each session:
reminding me I can contact him if i need him before my next appointment, even though he has already said it is ok and i stop myself, I still would like to know it doesn't change.
Give me a comforting hug (there is no touch in my life and it would mean a lot) and tell me AGAIN that he won't leave me and we will be in this together until i truly don't need him.


can you imagine the pain I can be in a session with all that neediness. I know he wonders why i seem to have so many self rules, but i know me and what is possible if that needy person were allowed out. B u t WOW , it would be soooooo nice to have that stuff happen and maybe begin to believe there is someone that cares even if i have to buy it.

Nothing more, really. She said it all when she was my therapist. I'm grateful.

I want my T to tell me quit deflecting and let's start the hard stuff. Let's get down to business since that's what u pay me for.

If T said that if be like ok shoot start with what u want me to talk about cuz u kno I won't bring it up so u have to prod it out of me.

yes, yes, yes!!! You are Sooooooooooo right on here.

I am a bit confused by the extent that the expectations of therapy are to let the client do everything his/her way and time and to just let things happen. If i were ABLE TO just say things, bring them up, ask for help, etc.... I think i could have gotten myself through this or at least not taken most of my life to be trying. I can't just hand the information over but sure wish t could insist. I would comply, but just can't initiate it.

Monkeybrains, you are so right on. Sorry you understand that battle but also glad to hear i am not the only one that feels like they knowingly sabotage themselves by not just 'saying' what needs to be said but can't change it either.

I don't like you. I want you to leave. Go find some other therapist. I can't even maintain a professional disposition around you. I wish I'd never agreed to work with you. Your problems don't make sense. You're no good at therapy. You're a troublemaker. You're a bad person. Don't ever contact me again-I wish he'd just say so I don't constantly have to imagine that that's what he really thinks of me.

Last Friday: The situation you're describing is difficult. Even though you generally don't want the session to be about advice, there are things about this you need to know to be able to expect and this is stuff I have training in. These are some things you might encounter and these are the correct responses.

I an so glad you are here. I am proud of you. You are brave. May I give you a hug.

You didn't do anything wrong. It's OK. You had a good reason to do what you did. I understand. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's all OK, but maybe we should talk about how you're going to stop.

please tell me everything will be ok!

That I can come home with her, and that she loves me and will take care of me. And that she is going to stay, no matter what.

She has already told me that she cares about mee, that she'll never leave me. What I wish most at moment:

- I found you this amazing group home, you're moving in today!
- You will be able to have a relationship with a man someday and start your own family.
- I will see you weekly again

You are my best client & I think of you often. I know everything is going to turn out so well for you because I believe in you. I would be proud to have you as my daughter. I can see the real, true you & you are a very special person.

Oh right now.. it is one of THOSE times. . I wish i could see him and he would say:

You are not the worthless person you know you are and i honestly believe your life is going to be better after we work together to fight these demons. It is going to be miserable but i will be there with you every step of the way because i do truly care about you even though i know you don't care about yourself.

It's going to be hard work and i do understand the battles you fight in coming here and even talking to me but understand i care enough that i am going to Push you through the rough stuff and make you say what you want to get out but feel you aren't allowed to and even force you into things that you aren't going to like but are in your best interest. We will fight this battle together and i won't leave your side while we do even if you get frustrated with my pushing to take care of you because in know you won't do it for yourself.

Then when things are hard i wish he really force me to open up and to do those things i don't want to do, even if i am figuratively kicking and screaming the entire way. Then give me a touch or wow, a hug and tell me everything is going to be ok because i truly am not alone and he wouldn't be pushing me this hard if he didn't care and feel I was really worth something.

Lastly, contact me occasionally when he knows things are hard, to just check on me because even though he gave me permission to text him if needed, he knows I can't bother him for me or i would be all over texting him today and would have several other times. I wish he understood that those sessions don't end in my head and body like they do for him when i walk out that door and that life just keeps attacking me between sessions and it is so hard.

What I wish MC (marriage counselor) would say to me in our individual session next week: "I know you can't say it, because you're afraid. But I love you, too. And I'm not going anywhere. Even if you and your H decide to terminate, you can call me anytime and we'll talk, and you can come back in. Just you and me. Or we can just meet for lunch or something. But I promise not to shut you out. No matter what."

You are not worthless. You are not hopeless. You can overcome this depression. You can have a good life, with a degree from school, a good job and a boyfriend. It may take some time and you might done believe it can, because your life had been like this for so long. But I believe in you. I believe you will have a good life, without this depression.

Wake up! The last 15 years never happened, it was just a bad dream. Oh, and I'm not your T, I'm the friendly older paternal guy who lives next door and helps you out with stuff.

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I want to hear:

I'll take care of my stuff and leave it out of our sessions.

If I get annoyed with you I know how to put that aside and help you where you're at and not where I'd like you to be.

If I have an issue with you I will resolve it and not take it out on you in a session.

I won't be sloppy, if there is a reason that I can't be the therapist I want to be, should be, you need for an appointment I will inform you that I'm not at the 'top of my game' today or I will cancel that appointment. I will not subject you to sub-standard care.

If I make a mistake I will admit it and understand that you know I am human and understand that you are an empathetic/understanding/reasonable person.

I will not ignore the elephant in the room.

elephant in the room....good one. got me one of those too.

I'd love for my T to say that my feelings regarding Dumbo (elephant in the room) are justified. And that I can discuss it without fear of frustration from her, until I'm more at peace with it.

I'd also appreciate her making up her mind regarding my inner child. Either embrace her and try to care for her needs (as she's said), or come to terms with the fact that my life was what it was and I can't get needs met now, because it's too late. She's also said that, although I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember word for word.

That there's absolutely nothing I can bring up that would be too weird, or too emotional (oh the irony), or too needy. That if I keep working at this, I'll become totally self-sufficient and sure of myself and strong and worthy of respect and love. That I'm a good person with a big heart despite my missteps and mistakes. That someday I'll be proud of myself and how far I've come and the life I've created for myself.

She came to help me do something...

She said, "You don't have to spend your life defending my methods."

and, she did.

Thank you FM
And thank you Doc D.