[brokenwarrior]

I am just in need of some support right now. I am T-less at the moment. Well actually I'm in a outpatient program but I had to leave my individual T for being abusive. It's harder than I thought not having my individual T around. I am getting close to the end of my outpatient program and I made some progress but I can feel myself regressing and I am really scaring myself. This week I had to get stitches for a SI cut. I have never gotten to the point of needing stitches before. My parent flipped out on me and made the entire situation for me worse. I feel so horrible for putting them through this. My dad has taken enough of a toll on our family with his alcoholism, they don't need to deal with my depression on top of it all.

I feel like the clinicians at the program are starting not take me seriously. One of them called me manipulative last week which really stuck a nerve. I mean, they did send me to the hospital twice which I lied at the ER to get out of because I was just too scared to go. I'm really not trying to manipulate anyone, I am just scared and trying to figure out what I need to do to get better. I don't know what else I need and its really frustrating. If anyone actually read this, thank you. I feel so alone and helpless right now.

[JustShakey]

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi, I am sorry you are feeling scared and distressed. I think you need to find a new T ASAP. Explain your anger outbursts & being scared to them & get back into therapy. I wish you luck. Xxx

[ThisWayOut]

[guilloche]

Do you have a T at the program that you're in? I'm sorry that you're struggling - hope things get better for you soon...

Hi Broken, sorry you are struggling. Being called manipulative sounds horrible, and also the feeling that you are not being taken seriously, sounds like no-one is connecting with you at the moment, which is a lonely place to be. I'm also sorry that you were called abusive, I have worried at times my T might find my being angry and not happy with therapy in some way abusive, I'm sorry that whatever happened was not accepted by your T.

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by brokenwarrior

I am just in need of some support right now. I am T-less at the moment. Well actually I'm in a outpatient program but I had to leave my individual T for being abusive. It's harder than I thought not having my individual T around. I am getting close to the end of my outpatient program and I made some progress but I can feel myself regressing and I am really scaring myself. This week I had to get stitches for a SI cut. I have never gotten to the point of needing stitches before. My parent flipped out on me and made the entire situation for me worse. I feel so horrible for putting them through this. My dad has taken enough of a toll on our family with his alcoholism, they don't need to deal with my depression on top of it all.

I feel like the clinicians at the program are starting not take me seriously. One of them called me manipulative last week which really stuck a nerve. I mean, they did send me to the hospital twice which I lied at the ER to get out of because I was just too scared to go. I'm really not trying to manipulate anyone, I am just scared and trying to figure out what I need to do to get better. I don't know what else I need and its really frustrating. If anyone actually read this, thank you. I feel so alone and helpless right now.

Hello brokenwarrior-
I'm so sorry for all the pain you are experiencing. I can empathize with you, with the darkness you have described. It's so painful to feel alone and helpless. I hope that it helps a little to know that you are not alone, we are with you in spirit. Sending you a big hug.

[Petra5ed]

If they call you manipulative again I would remind them that it's a condition of being human, and maybe add that a lack of empathy hasn't helped you any.

I know what it's like to feel alone. Try to distract yourself if possible, don't let your mind keep going to the dark place.

[brokenwarrior]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Do you have a T at the program that you're in? I'm sorry that you're struggling - hope things get better for you soon...

I do have a T at the program. Actually, I have like 5 T's at the program. I have told them about the frustration but the push it aside and that makes me more frustrated. Thank you

[brokenwarrior]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Hi Broken, sorry you are struggling. Being called manipulative sounds horrible, and also the feeling that you are not being taken seriously, sounds like no-one is connecting with you at the moment, which is a lonely place to be. I'm also sorry that you were called abusive, I have worried at times my T might find my being angry and not happy with therapy in some way abusive, I'm sorry that whatever happened was not accepted by your T.

Thank you all of it is pretty hard atm. And I left my T because she was abusive to me. So I was never called abusive, thankfully. But being called manipulative hurts just as bad.

[brokenwarrior]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

If they call you manipulative again I would remind them that it's a condition of being human, and maybe add that a lack of empathy hasn't helped you any.

I know what it's like to feel alone. Try to distract yourself if possible, don't let your mind keep going to the dark place.

If I have the chance, I am going to bring it up tomorrow at program. I can't believe how much being called manipulative hurt me. I really don't want to be seen that way.

I am trying to distract myself as much as possible. It helps that I gave up all my SI tools.

Thank you

I'm sorry I misunderstood your post!

[IndestructibleGirl]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Brokenwarrior.

Everytime I read about healthcare professionals calling a distressed person manipulative I want to bang my head against the wall. You're not manipulative, you're trying to cope and communicate what's going on for you.

How is the programme overall?

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by brokenwarrior

I feel like the clinicians at the program are starting not take me seriously. One of them called me manipulative last week which really stuck a nerve. I mean, they did send me to the hospital twice which I lied at the ER to get out of because I was just too scared to go. I'm really not trying to manipulate anyone, I am just scared and trying to figure out what I need to do to get better. I don't know what else I need and its really frustrating. If anyone actually read this, thank you. I feel so alone and helpless right now.

Unfortunately many clinicians think self-injury is manipulative. Psychiatry isn't very tolerant towards the behavior. That doesn't excuse their nasty behavior though. The person who insulted you needs some sensitivity training. It has nothing to do with you.

Tell the clinicians exactly how you feel, what you need from them to get better, and explain what happened at the ER. It will help form a therapeutic alliance.

I know there are many different reasons why people self-injure. If you use it to communicate distress, try reaching out instead. Clinicians will generally respond to the situation a lot better. Trust me. I experimented with self-injury when I was a teen and found that it isolated and alienated me from people and clinicians.