[dalila]

<font color="green">My therapist is going to be out next week so I saw her today. What a session, my whole body aches from working so hard. I managed to say I was frustrated with her last time cos it felt like she was defending my mother's actions when I was trying to reach the anger. I tried and tried but only ended up shutting down cos I couldn't just flat out say I think I feel some anger and I couldn't tell her to stop defending my mother. Sadly, I kept on fighting this issue alone and caused myself to start some more flashbacks. Sigh.

Today I told her all that -- I even got out that I was not able to be angry with her or my mom or my dad. I then promptly had a huge panic attack... I worked like a dog to get through it and she really worked hard with me too. She suggested that we practice having me be angry with her. I think I started crying at that point. So we went back to this being a safe place and she is not going to abandon me. She asked me when did I think I would be able to say I was angry about her actions. I don't know -- it is just too hard right now. At one point, she was suggesting that she could stand on the other sofa, yell, and throw pillows at me. That finally helped ease things for me and I giggled. I went out from her office still trembling from the fear I had caused myself and the effort I had made. Still feel wound up but I am slowly learning to trust her more and more. I hate that I can't trust her enough yet.</font>

[MissCharlotte]

You are working so hard and you are so brave. I am also having a very hard time getting in touch with anger and working on it in therapy. It's really buried deep. Last month I took a bunch of ice cubes, put them in a plastic baggie, and smashed the heck out of them with a wooden mallet. It was very effective but I think I scared my son. I guess we just have to keep working on reaching that anger.

[SecretGarden]

I think that your therapist seems to be handling this well.

Do you think she knew her statements of defending your mom would be upsetting?

What if you threw pillows at your therapist? Would that get things going?

Do you feel you are not entitled to anger or what has happened in the past when you have if you have?

[SecretGarden]

I think that your therapist seems to be handling this well.

Do you think she knew her statements of defending your mom would be upsetting?

What if you threw pillows at your therapist? Would that get things going?

Do you feel you are not entitled to anger or what has happened in the past when you have if you have?

[bipolar_bear]

It sounds like you have a wonderful therapist. I hope you will be able to continue working on your anger. You handled it wonderfully and worked so hard. The two of you will be such a formidable team. Take care.

[lauren_helene]

I'm thinking she knew you would feel the way you do by defending your mom actions. It got you talking about expressing anger.

Good T! You are working hard...good for you too.