[ThisWayOut]

dunno what prompted it today, but left a message for one of my first T's on her office general voice mail (no idea what her vm extension is, nor did they offer a way to find it in the agency message).
I am looking for some answers, and hoping she can provide them... though I am not even sure she will remember me. What are the chances she would remember specifics from a client who stopped seeing her over 13 years ago? I was one of her first clients while she was still in school, and I did see her for almost 3 years, but I'm sure she won't remember much. I know they don't have my records anymore, so if she doesn't remember, then I guess I'll never know...
what are the chances she'll return my call even if she doesn't remember?
did I just set myself up for disappointment?

[stopdog]

I think she will return the call. I would not remember a client or a student from that long ago. Perhaps she has a really good memory.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Every person is differet, so I don't know if she'll remember you. But it is possible she will.

My T from 9 years ago remembered me. She even still had something I made for her. I write her once a year, and I still worry she won't remember.

I ran into my counselor a few months ago. I hadn't seen her also in 9 years. She even remembered me. I didn't have to say who I was. It took her a few seconds because my hair is shorter and dyed now, and I've gained weight. But she still identified me and told me she hoped and expected to run into me some day (she lives in the city next to me).

Even my best friend from jr high remembered me after 16 years.

So it is definitely possible she will remember you. And my guess is that she will return your call either way.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I think there is a good chance she will remember you! Especially as you saw her for 3 years. It's not like you only went for a few months. Also, I think if she was finishing her training, you would have been one of her first clients and are even more likely to not be forgotten.

Some people have great memories. I freak people out sometimes by the level of detail I remember from years and years ago.

[ThingWithFeathers]

TWO, I hope she remembers you. But even if she doesn't, like stopdog's post highlights, it's not because you aren't worth remembering it's because it can be challenging to remember.

Congratulations on having the courage to make that call. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

I suspect she'll remember. It may take a little prompting since it has been so long. It might be better to write to her than just leave a voice mail though. That way you can provide a bit more detail to help prompt her memory. A voice mail might get lost or deleted in quick review, while a letter she would have time to sit with and think about.

[jaciRock]

If she doesn't return your call don't take it personally. You have no idea of how many people she's treated since then and she might not want to admit her memory is fuzzy and so may blow off your call. I like the idea of writing a letter.

[guilloche]

Are you sure she's still at that agency? After 13 years, I'd wonder if she might have moved on? That said... I think all you can do is ask. Some people have great memories, some... not so much. If you were one of her first, and saw her for three years... it wouldn't surprise me at all if she DOES remember you,but may not recall the details you're looking for. At least by asking, you can (hopefully) get some resolution and not need to continue wondering if she has an answer for you.

*Good luck!*

[anilam]

I think she prolly will remember treating you for 3 yr esp since you were one of her first clients. However, not sure about the specifics... Given you stated you are looking for some answers...

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

dunno what prompted it today, but left a message for one of my first T's on her office general voice mail (no idea what her vm extension is, nor did they offer a way to find it in the agency message).
I am looking for some answers, and hoping she can provide them... though I am not even sure she will remember me. What are the chances she would remember specifics from a client who stopped seeing her over 13 years ago? I was one of her first clients while she was still in school, and I did see her for almost 3 years, but I'm sure she won't remember much. I know they don't have my records anymore, so if she doesn't remember, then I guess I'll never know...
what are the chances she'll return my call even if she doesn't remember?
did I just set myself up for disappointment?

I'm going to guess odds are low. I had a similar experience where I went back to a T 15-18ish years after the fact, and he didn't remember me at all.

I saw a doctor from more than 20 years ago and she said, "I remember you." And it wasn't like a happy thing, but she did say that some people stick with you.

Personally, I would not like to be remembered by a past therapist, though I have seen one on a walk and she tried to be friendly. It's been about 24 years since I saw her and there was a reason I left. It was very awkward to see her and be remembered.

[ThisWayOut]

I know she's there (double-checked before calling), but I'm trying to remain realistic about her remembering me. We ended therapy because I graduated. She worked/s at the school's counseling center, so they only work with students and staff...
I had hoped to write her an email (had done so about 9 years ago just to update her), but I can't find her email address, and I forget how they assign emails at school... I guess if she calls back and is ok with speaking a bit, then good. If not, then that will have to be ok too. I know when I left the message, I was aware of her possibly not remembering me. I just tend to forget that when I'm having a rough day...
I keep reminding myself I remember many of my past clients, but certainly not all of them. I want to say I was a thorn in her side while there, so she may have done her best to try to forget me, lol...

[Restin]

She probably will, and probably still has notes in a file she can bring up on you. But my cowardly policy with any T that I care about is to not even ask any question that the answer might hurt my feelings. In other words, don't even get close to any boundary, and it can't zap you. not recommending this, just saying it.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Restin

She probably will, and probably still has notes in a file she can bring up on you. But my cowardly policy with any T that I care about is to not even ask any question that the answer might hurt my feelings. In other words, don't even get close to any boundary, and it can't zap you. not recommending this, just saying it.

I generally am super-weary of boundaries, but Im also really hoping I can get some answers. I doubt she will still have notes on me, but hopefully she'll remember something helpful. If not, then I will try to keep my train of negative thoughts from running away with me. She definitely was one of the most meaningful therapists for me, so I know I have way more invested in this than just finding out if I spoke to her about certain abuse situations. I just have to keep reminding myself the relationship didn't hold the same impact for her...

The therapy relationship can be so screwy sometimes. If we let them, they hold a huge space in our lives (for better or worse), yet we barely make a blip on their radar in the long run - just another client. Even if they "cared" for us, it was nowhere near the magnitude we may feel reciprocally...

Now I wait. Not only did I call on a long weekend, but I'm assuming she'll be quite busy anyway (looks like she is the only trauma/s.a. therapist there, and looks like she is one of the supervisors too). I will try to wait patiently, though that's not my strong suit when it comes to this stuff...