Found new "good enough" T but I´m still feeling hesitant and very sad

I do believe the adage "when the student is ready the master will appear" applies to therapy as well.

Right on the edge of chaos is when the most potential for change occurs.

A good therapist can be a powerful catalyst for that change.

When I truly needed therapy I was so desperate that it was no matter if she worked on Certain days or Replied to my emails or anything.

In fact I wouldn't be interviewing no one as I needed someone so bad I called the clinic described the issue and asked to get me someone now. They gave my number to a therapist who they said is good expert on one of the issues I had she called me back and that's the end of it

Now she is good but there was a risk she wouldn't be but I was too desperate to worry

So I think when you truly need therapy you'll go for it without worrying about details. I have my T cell phone and she said to call, I would call in emergency only. Like once I had panic attack and had to leave work etc that's it. No need to bother her with anything else in between sessions

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This was an important lesson for me.

I wasn't allowed to feel sad growing up because it made my mom anxious, so I learned that feeling sad was bad.

One of the first things I learned in therapy was not only that is it ok to feel sad, but that it's important to ALLOW YOURSELF to feel sad. Feel the emotion. Fighting it will only make it stronger.