finding this really, really tough

i've been in this psychiatric unit for 2 months now. i'm a detainee under the Mental Health Act, and my section finishes on 9th March. that's another 17 days.

i get triggered by the people in the unit all the time. they're all friends, and i don't have any friends, and it really knocks my confidence. seeing people who are obviously severely depressed also just triggers me massively.

i'm asking for my Section to be revoked this week. but i'm only just getting home leave on weekends. So this could mean more weeks in hospital. i feel like hospital is actually making me worse. i feel so much stronger and ready for the world, and being in hospital is like being kicked down over and over again.

i miss my therapist desperately as well. i'm waiting to start EMDR and the wait is huge and everything is just so bloody indefinite, i just need to come home.

i just needed to vent. going to pick myself back up and carry on now. i just can't bear this waiting.

and i can't bear not seeing my T, the one reason i am alive today. it's so bloody painful.

The no contact thing with your therapist is troubling. Is there a way to get an agreement for you to see or talk to her, but not do any therapy? Not a social visit, but just a "supportive" appointment to help you cope?

i've texted her and asked her if she could just make a visit to me in hospital. she only replies on weekdays unfortunately, which is a bit old fashioned.

This is going to be one of the toughest challenges of your life, it's a painful time on every level. You have just over two weeks left, you have an inner strength inside of you. I believe you will be able to do this and I know it's triggering, testing and exhausting. Don't give up on yourself, it won't always be like this.

Thinking of you

thank you so much. this post actually gave me the strength i needed to keep going.

i'm not giving up. i've worked so hard for this, and God knows i deserve it! only a few weeks to go.

I've been in a psych unit for 8 weeks once and found it very hard to cope with. The other patients 'triggered' me a lot, which usually made me feel worse. There was a lot of SI in that place. Some patients were teaching other patients how. It was awful. Eventually I realized that I needed to keep my distance from everyone to survive. I decided to focus on family and the friends I had outside of that place. I also refused to remain in contact with people from there once I was discharged.

If you do ask for you Section to be revoked make sure to tell them that your stay in hospital is causing more harm than good, and that you feel ready to cope with the world.

Of course you deserve it!! You've worked your butt off!

Thinking of you x