[Burned123]

I'm suffering from severe abandonment from my therapist of four years.

[Burned123]

How does a person get over the severe abandonment that they feel when their therapist of nearly four years "bows out" and not with any regard to the client's emotional well being?

[InRealLife45]

can you elaborate on this a bit further? tell us more about the situation.

When were you terminated?

Hi Burned123.

I am sorry you are feeling abandoned. 4 years with a T must feel like you've known T for ever. Tell us more of the situation as we are here to give you our support. Take care of you. Xxx

I am so sorry for you Burned. I am very familiar with being dropped and have not recovered from it yet. It's been 5 1/2 yrs.

[Giucy]

Burned, I am sorry for the way therapist treated you. Her behavior was unprofessional, and it's an understatement.
I wholeheartedly agree that the situation is unfair for you.

Your feelings about ex-therapist are pretty normal.
Every person grieves at a different pace.

Ok, now, hindsight is 20/20, but the relationship with your ex-T was doomed to fail.
- " She told me I was her favorite client" : big red flag for poor boundaries.
- "I felt like she was more of my friend than a therapist" : therapist is responsible for setting boundaries because a therapist is not a friend. It's not your fault, therapist's boundaries were at fault.
- "She didn't think I should help my 19 year old son obtain a car." : even if she disagrees with your decision, it's none of her business. Your money, your house, your rules. Your relationship getting better with your son show that after all, you are competent to decide about your life. You're not ex-T's conservatee and your ex-T is not your appointed conservator.
- "another told me to call the state board on her, which I wasn't ready to do" : no therapist has the right to pressure you about one choice or another. Whatever your decision, it's up to you and only to you. This is your freedom of choice : no one else can make such decision for you.
- " Then I get a letter in the mail discontinuing as my therapist and not providing any type of explanation or help" : typical sign of poor boundaries. Your ex-T backpedaled after having had blurred her boundaries. Either she was advised by her supervisor, either she realized the situation by herself, whatever and it's not your job. Although these elements won't erase your feelings about missing ex-therapist.
- A T telling you to take responsibility for ex-T's unethical behavior does not know what he's talking about : either he needs therapy for his issues, either he needs to find a more suitable job !
- "How do I get over the lack of understanding of why she acted this way. I feel in my heart and soul that she was equally attached to me and needed to severe the tie." : I don't know if it helps, but not your monkeys, not your circus. Take it if it works, adapt it if it works so-so and leave it if it does not help.
- "Finally, I found my current therapist. She's perfect. She has great boundaries and has helped me quite a bit." : this is the most important and a huge achievement.
- "The problem is I still miss my old therapist." : your feelings are completely ok. Finding the right therapist does not magically erase your feelings for ex-T because it does not work this way.
This termination is a loss you're grieving. Grief is an emotion you process one baby step at time. You process grieving at your own pace.
Easier said than done, but processing grief is not about chasing benchmarks, nor about winning a race.

[Giucy]

I was wondering if anyone else has brought action....either administrative or civil against their former T?

I have no clue because the French legal system is different than in a common law country.

However, if you feel that your decision is a good one, that's all what matters. The rest is only literature as we say in France.

[InRealLife45]

That sucks. It sounds like she was very callous in regards to your feelings, and that the termination was painfully abrupt. Did she give any hint at all that she was thinking of this?

Your relationship with your T sounds like mine. My t also told me she liked me best and that she loved me. She also used to hold me on the couch for whole sessions.

Then suddenly she back pedaled and is very cold now, and has repeatedly suggested termination (tried to terminate via email this past summer after she made an insurance mistake) but ended up not bc I begged.

I've consulted two other therapists and both recommended I report her but I haven't been able to bring myself to do that.

I see her today and I feel like she is going to terminate in today's session, but I've felt this way a lot, so.. Dunno.

But based on the way she ended last time I think I can expect any termination to be equally inappropriate.

May I ask what state / country you're in? I'm very interested in the progress and outcome of your complaint against your T.

There are two people on here that I think that reported their T.. Let me try to look through threads to find who they are.

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

[Burned123]

Thanks in RealLife45. I feel your pain too. In my situation, I had felt that my T was going to terminate me because I had been telling her for about a year that I felt that I was visiting one of my best friends and not a therapist. We talked equally about her life and issues in it. I told her that I was afraid that she was going to quit on me. Whenever I would say that (dozens of times), she would always respond that she "wasn't going anywhere and I could see her for a long time." I do believe that this type of termination is emotionally cruel. She doesn't deserve the continued fond thoughts of her that run through my mind. She has hurt me worse than anyone has ever in my life, and I have unfortunately been the victim of domestic violence on more than one occasion. I emailed and told her it was like she had stabbed a knife through my heart, and I told her I would rather be beat up physically than to have the intense emotional pain that she had caused. I just wish after almost a year I would toughen up and not let all of this affect me.

btw I live in the U.S......specifically New York State.
Any help in finding those posts regarding disciplinary action against T would be greatly appreciated!