[notaprettygrrrl]

I feel conflicted about my current T. I know I should talk to her about all this, but I feel the need to organize my thoughts first--and I think I need help with that. I know that no one can really know exactly what the situation is and that my explanation is obviously only from my interpretation of interactions, but I appreciate any thoughts anyone can share. (Sorry, I just realized how long this is, so thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read all the way through.)

My T sometimes seemed to be very empathetic and interested in helping but sometimes now seems apathetic or irritated by me. I've been seeing her about every 2 weeks for a little under a year, with about 2 months off over the holidays. I mostly see her for ADD, ED, and anxiety, and she is a CBT therapist. At first I thought focusing on the here and now would be good, but this seems so impersonal and unconcerned with individual experiences. I'm not sure if my shy personality gives off a sense of indifference or aloofness and she is just reacting to that or if maybe the amount my insurance pays is too low and makes her feel like the time is not worth it or if I'm just not trying hard enough in her opinion. One time she did say that she had trouble knowing what I was thinking, and I meant to ask what she meant but I felt like the time passed for it. Maybe this makes her feel like I'm indifferent and not trying? Or maybe CBT just isn't right for me? Or maybe she has things going on outside work that are taking all her attention and focus? Or maybe I'm making a huge deal out of nothing and understanding all these interactions incorrectly?

Here are the things that cause me to feel like she isn't interested in working with me or is disinterested in general:
-She has cancelled appointments through her office and never acknowledged the last-minute nature of the cancellations and lack of ability to reschedule (even though she has a strict cancellation policy for patients, only allowing 3 ever with a high fee).
-She has cut appointments to 1/2 the normal time (because of personal engagements) with no notice until I've arrived and begun the appointment.
-She seems to repeat the same monologue about behaviors relating to my issues over and over again, with no progression of adjustments or changes (almost like it's the same appointment over and over again).
-She doesn't seem to remember specific things about me even though she seems to take lots of notes (things like my spirituality, concerns about taking medication, problems I indicated on intake paperwork, and tracking behaviors that I absolutely don't have problems with--like confusing me with someone else or looking for issues that just aren't there, I'm guessing).
-She asks for my input and opinion but then downplays my knowledge of my own experiences or doesn't address what I'm saying or concerned about (maybe I'm not communicating well?).

She has been warm and seemingly interested in my life and feelings and interests during some appointments, but lately she seems like she is just going through the motions and couldn't care less about me at all. The reason I feel so conflicted is that when I don't feel like I'm wasting her time, I do feel like our personalities are a good match. I have a really hard time syncing with Ts, and *sometimes* this relationship seems very well-matched--but those moments seem fewer and fewer. She does offer advice but in a way that is almost begrudgingly minimal. Now I mostly feel bad after appointments and get hung up on figuring out why I think they aren't going well. I'm also starting to doubt my own ability to interpret experiences and determine their significance, etc. I'm so obviously bothered by this therapeutic relationship now, but the thought of starting over *again* is too overwhelming for me to even think about.

Nothing about this sounds like it's helpful to you. I understand the fatigue about starting over with another, but maybe this experience is draining you the longer you go on? A break to regroup might at least keep you from feeling worse.

[gayleggg]

It does sound like there is a problem. I'm not sure what it is but I would consider looking into finding a new t that can be more helpful. It sounds like she may have a lot going on outside of your session that may be getting in the way of her being objective and helpful. I know it is hard to start over, but when therapy leaves you worse off than before there is a problem.

[ThisWayOut]

from what you are describing, it seems like she's just not into it anymore.
If you are ok bringing up your concerns with her, it may be worth the conversation (as you say you felt a connection to her, but it seems ot be waning).
I would be frustrated with these developments also, but again, a conversation sounds liek a good start. I know for myself, I interpret things through the lens of whatever it is I'm going through in the moment. If I am having a rougher time with things, and more triggered in general, I tend to think my T hates me or thinks I am wasting her time. When I am more balanced and less stressed, I tend to think we have a better relationship. I'm not sur if any of that is going on for you, but it may be worth getting her perspective on things.
If the conversation leads nowhere, or goes poorly, it may be time to switch T's or take a break. While it's daunting and exhausting to switch, it could also be really beneficial.
Either way, good luck, and keep us updated
Also, Ani reference in your sn?

[notaprettygrrrl]

Thanks, everyone. Yes, my sn is an Ani reference, thiswayout!

I'm sure my emotions are influencing my reaction and evaluation of interactions but I also feel like she is not open to talking about feelings, only focusng on having fewer negative thoughts and more neutral and positive ones. Is this just a CBT thing?

I liked this at first, but I'm feeling like the negation of detail and nuance is intensifying in sessions and also that maybe I do need to talk more about my feelings and experiences, even though I thought the problem before was too much rumination. I just feel like with my T's approach, all I'm doing is avoiding feelings, emotions, and thoughts instead of dealing with them--which is bound to backfire spectacularly at some point...I'm assuming. Then again, who knows. I hate that I'm questioning everything now.

[InRealLife45]

sounds like you need a new t. also, love your sn! Ani D is out near me soon, but I have school and can't go. so bummed.

[ThisWayOut]

A strictly behavioral approach can feel very invalidating at times to some people (I know it does to me).
if it's really bothersome, and you feel you are at an impasse with t, then try looking for a new one. It can be very exhausting, but also very rewarding if you find the right t.

Also, love, love, love Ani!

Yep, find a different one. She isn't working for you and sounds inefficient.

[Victoria'smom]

Talk to her about it then find a new t.

[stopdog]

I see no harm in trying out new ones. I kind of enjoy interviewing them.

[Nammu]

To me it sounds like she is having her own problems and that is intruding upon her work. I would just tell her that therapy with her is no longer productive and ask for a recommendation to someone with a less impersonal approach. Very hard to do, yes. But maybe think of it as a chance to grow as a person and taking charge of your own therapy?