[Griff2015]

Hey all,

Need some advice....I just found out that two weeks ago one of my family members contacted my therapist via email (they know each other very vaguely through professional network) and told her I wasn't doing well, was isolating, blah, blah, blah... And then asked my T not to tell me that she had been contacted. My T only responded with "thanks."

My T didn't say anything when I talked to her last week about the email. What would you do? Should I bring this up at my session this coming week? I just found out when I happened to see the email on an open laptop--don't even know how I feel about it yet, except for anxious and bewildered.

Thanks in advance for your help.

[jelly-bean]

If it is making you feel anxious and bewildered then you definitely need to ask your T about it at your next meeting.

[CANDC]

Hi Griff, I understand how you may be ambivalent about someone reaching out to your T. Maybe they were worried about you and unsure what to do. But they did not try and pass any confidential info either way.

It really sounds like they were worried about you. Do you communicate with this family member? You might want to have a general talk about how they see you and do they feel you are doing better and to let you know if they are worried about you. Otherwise if you talk about specific email they may feel you are spying on them. Also good to keep your computer logged out so others don't see things on your computer.

Maybe a minute or two at the next session might be appropriate to reassure yourself of confidentiality. Getting back to the focus of therapy seems like an important focus.

[kaliope]

i hope you dont fault your t. it is not like she could prevent the email. and she did not violate confidentiality. she didnt reveal anything about you. it isnt against the rules to listen to what someone has to say. look at the bright side. people care about you and are worried. did t bring thos issues up to you ? i would talk to t.

[Ididitmyway]

I'd absolutely talk to my T about that. The most appropriate and professional way for a T to handle such contacts is not to respond at all and then tell the client about what happened. While "thanks" does not imply anything specific, it's a slippery slope for a T to respond to such contacts in any way. If she had said anything in addition to "thanks", this could be construed as a violation of confidentiality depending on what she'd said. It's illegal for a T to even acknowledge that So-and-So is their client unless it's a situation when they are required to do so by law. Also, while therapists are not legally or ethically obligated to tell the clients when receive a communication from someone about the client, in most cases, it's a bad practice not to do so. Of course, different therapists have different opinions about it, and, of course, the decisions are made based on the specific circumstances, but I can't think of many situations when I, as a therapist, would not tell the client that I've been contacted by their family member and, as a client, I would be very pissed off if my T didn't inform me about such contacts.

[growlycat]

I recently had to do this with one of my parent's medical doctors. I really do have a great deal of respect for others' privacy, but I felt that this parent was in medical danger and unable to address it without medical intervention. The Doctor did not respond to me which is fine, just what I expected because of confidentiality. But my siblings back home reported a great change in her behavior after I decided I was too worried not to act.

Some people may interfere because they are nosy or have an axe to grind. I think many more do it because they care and are at a loss what to do next. I would take it as a sign that someone has grave concerns for your well being.

My personal and immediate reaction is that this is why it is dangerous to let people know you're in therapy. If it were me, I would feel extremely uncomfortable (and I'd definitely not bring it up with the family member - I'd make certain that I never discussed anything remotely personal with a person who would gossip about me.) I see no caring at all in that kind of interference, and to me, just because somebody happens to be related to you it doesn't mean that your private business is any of their business.

I think bringing it up with your therapist sounds like a good plan. A T should be on the client's side, and not collude with other people in order to allow the client's privacy to be invaded.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

My personal and immediate reaction is that this is why it is dangerous to let people know you're in therapy. If it were me, I would feel extremely uncomfortable (and I'd definitely not bring it up with the family member - I'd make certain that I never discussed anything remotely personal with a person who would gossip about me.) I see no caring at all in that kind of interference, and to me, just because somebody happens to be related to you it doesn't mean that your private business is any of their business.

I agree.

[Raging Quiet]

My hubby did the same about me once and my t asked him to tell me that he had contacted her (which he did). It do much to our sessions, but I suppose she took it on board on some level.

[callisto711]

My parents know I'm in therapy because it shows up on our explanation of benefits online. I don't talk about it because I'm in therapy because of my parents. If they contacted my therapist for any reason at all, AT ALL, I would flip on them. It doesn't matter how worried they are, there is absolutely no reason to ever talk to a therapist. Therapy is for YOU to work on what you want to work on, not what other people think is wrong with you. Totally unacceptable.

Also, when you say professional network, are you saying that your family member is a therapist also? If I were a therapist, I would never listen to a family member. They may think they are helping you, but it seems more like they are trying to control your behavior. It's like they are tattletaling on you. If anything, this seems far more telling of your relative's behavior than yours. If you are wondering what your therapist is thinking, I would ask if I were you, but if she is any good then she will not pay any mind to it.

[Soccer mom]

My T. has seen me and my husband through the years. He sent her a text about wanting to know how to support me after my mom died. She wouldn't respond and explained that she would never respond because she is only going to communicate with me. Otherwise, it would have given my H the impression I AM in therapy and what if I didn't want him to know.

It seems like they were doing it out of genuine care but I would actually ask your T. not to reply to any emails regarding you.

[Seeking_Peace]

Assuming you are an adult and your T did not have permission to communicate with the family members in this situation.....this would upset me a lot.

I would definitely bring this up with T in the next session. For your T to respond to that e-mail by saying "thanks".....your T confirmed that you are a client which by itself violates confidentiality. This would be a HUGE "no-no" for me. My problem in this situation would be the fact that the T chose to acknowledge to this family member that I am a client. I would also let the T know that in the future, if something like this occurs, I would expect to find this out from T rather than on my own.

P.S. As mentioned already, this is exactly why I don't tell ANYONE except my husband that I see a T.....let alone share the T's identity!

[Griff2015]

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I guess to clarify: this family member put my T and I in touch initially, so it wasn't really a breach of confidentiality to just say "thanks." I don't really see it as my T's fault. I am not at all happy with the family member but not sure how or if I will confront him. I am VERY curious as to why my T didn't bring it up with me--it feels strange knowing they had a communication about me of which I was unaware. Also, I am an adult and will tell my T what I want her to know--I don't need someone feeding her information from their perspective (sorry, ranting now).

Anyway, thanks for your input--it helped me to process this weirdness!

[Lovable Nut]

Absolutely bring this up. In my opinion, this is huge. My T would have told me because he knows he has to be extremely honest with me; whether I like it or not. Then we would work through all of it, good or bad. My trust in him is paramount and he knows how long it's taken me to "let him in". If I found that out and T never disclosed, poof, trust obliterated and I would be enraged and he would be toast. I think you will feel better speaking about this.

I think she should have mentioned it to you and I would tell her that you would like to know if this happens in the future.

[Favorite Jeans]

People who know you are in therapy (and with whom) are free to contact your therapist. You might not like it but you cannot prevent it. However, I think it's totally unacceptable for a therapist to keep that communication secret from you. It doesn't violate confidentiality but it does violate your trust, your right to be treated like an adult and the spirit of your therapeutic relationship. This would not be okay with me in any way.