Had a session with T2 today and I'm feeling all kinds of guilty.
I feel guilty because I feel like I painted T1 in a bad light, talking about his self disclosure and how it affected me. I know that some of the things I quoted T1 as saying don't sound therapeutic and almost sound harmful, and after what I said, I just feel T2's judgement and I don't think I could ever make him understand what a great therapist and wonderful human being he was. I feel like T2 is thinking 'what a terrible therapist' and that hurts.
I also feel guilty because I told T2 I don't feel like he understands me like T1 did. This seemed to surprise him and I felt bad for saying it. That was mitigated slightly when I told him I felt like he knows how to help me better than T1 did, and I think T1 understood me so well because he identified with me personally.
I also felt guilty because I talked in very general terms about concerns about repressed CSA memories, and while I know I have some concrete inappropriate memories about this person, what I am accusing them of in my head is much more serious (though I talked very generally and didn't say what I was accusing them of, I did say who it was I think there might be memories of) Even though this person is deceased I feel guilty about casting unfounded aspersions on them.
Do you feel guilt in therapy like this? How do you handle it? How would your T react if you talked about this?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I am pretty sure T's get to hear far worse things. My T would take it in her stride, be utterly professional and explore the implications for me of my comments.

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

I am pretty sure T's get to hear far worse things. My T would take it in her stride, be utterly professional and explore the implications for me of my comments.

Would you tell your T about the guilt?

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

Would you tell your T about the guilt?

Yes I would. I think it would help open up an insightful dialogue.

I actually feel guilty about telling him I felt guilty after the session

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by AncientMelody

Yes I would. I think it would help open up an insightful dialogue.

I agree - your guilt is highly significant and not in a bad way. Be brave and seek your T's help with this. It is what they are for.

[SnakeCharmer]

What Man and Melody said. Telling your T about how guilty you feel about it all seems like a very important area of discussion and seeing that no T is perfect and does everything right, it seems likely T2 is unlikely to make a global assessment of T1 being rotten at what he does. You don't have to sugar coat this stuff, not if you want an honest discussion in therapy.

I'm pretty sure even whispering a hint about possible csa leaves many a person writhing in agonies of guilt. It's an important first step and sometimes talking about the guilt is the vital next step. Take care, Echos!

[junkDNA]

ive felt this guilt when ive talked abt my dad being abusive . i dont want T or anyone to think my dad was a bad person. even though he is dead i feel like i have to be loyal

Thanks everyone, I was very brave and decided to copy and paste my initial post on this thread into an email and send it straight to T2 before I lost my nerve
I know he won't enter into a discussion via email so I will be waiting to the next session, but this is an interesting development in the relationship; I am putting some trust in him here.

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

Thanks everyone, I was very brave and decided to copy and paste my initial post on this thread into an email and send it straight to T2 before I lost my nerve
I know he won't enter into a discussion via email so I will be waiting to the next session, but this is an interesting development in the relationship; I am putting some trust in him here.

Yay for braveness! Keep us posted on how it goes.

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

Yay for braveness! Keep us posted on how it goes.

Thank you will do

[Restin]

I applaud your openness and sensitivity, too. I've had about a dozen therapists (when i was misdiagnosed and psychiatry didn't recognize DID.) I would try not to mention other T's any more than necessary, but sometimes is necessary when a former T messed me up some way that's showing up in the current relationship with T now. I feel petty and like a gossip...two things I don't allow myself to be. But some things need to be discussed when it's important to progress with current T. I know it's hard to decide.
Just a bright note about changing therapists... I'm doing really good with current T and believe I will make it to full recovery this time. It's discouraging to some folks to hear me say I've been through many therapists. But it only takes one...the right one, and it took several changes to get to the right fit. I think you did the right thing for yourself because of your past posts about severe difficulties with your first T.

[nervous puppy]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

Thanks everyone, I was very brave and decided to copy and paste my initial post on this thread into an email and send it straight to T2 before I lost my nerve
I know he won't enter into a discussion via email so I will be waiting to the next session, but this is an interesting development in the relationship; I am putting some trust in him here.

Good move! Hope it goes well for you!

I just did the same thing with a post of mine and sent it to my T. Her response was much better than I could ever hope for. I have a session tomorrow and we'll probably spend most of the time discussing it. If I hadn't sent it, I doubt that I could have ever spoken the words to her.

Originally Posted by Restin

I applaud your openness and sensitivity, too. I've had about a dozen therapists (when i was misdiagnosed and psychiatry didn't recognize DID.) I would try not to mention other T's any more than necessary, but sometimes is necessary when a former T messed me up some way that's showing up in the current relationship with T now. I feel petty and like a gossip...two things I don't allow myself to be. But some things need to be discussed when it's important to progress with current T. I know it's hard to decide.
Just a bright note about changing therapists... I'm doing really good with current T and believe I will make it to full recovery this time. It's discouraging to some folks to hear me say I've been through many therapists. But it only takes one...the right one, and it took several changes to get to the right fit. I think you did the right thing for yourself because of your past posts about severe difficulties with your first T.

Thanks. I do worry about the gossip type aspect, especially as I'm worried T2 will be able to identify T1 from the things I say. I don't know whether they know each other but there's a good chance they're at least acquainted.
I'm really glad to know things are going well for you now

Originally Posted by nervous puppy

Good move! Hope it goes well for you!

I just did the same thing with a post of mine and sent it to my T. Her response was much better than I could ever hope for. I have a session tomorrow and we'll probably spend most of the time discussing it. If I hadn't sent it, I doubt that I could have ever spoken the words to her.

Thank you for sharing your experience; I'm glad it went well for you. I feel like I'm more honest on PC because of the anonymity, so to then send that to someone who knows me is quite hard!
Good luck with your session