[wotchermuggle]

I feel like in therapy, I've come a long way.

On the other hand, when I look at my life, I am such a disappointment to myself.

How do you guys continue to cope and find ways to keep moving forward in your life, even when you hit wall after wall?

I feel like I'm moving forward, only to be pushed back to where I was before. I want to move past self harming and thoughts of suicide and live life with happiness and joy.

No matter what I do to love forward, it's like I always slip back. For example, I've been interviewing to move up in my career and haven't yet been successful. I tried a different route to gain more experience and up my cash flow and I was unsuccessful with that, too.

I just can't get ahead and stay ahead.

At what point do you just give up? Surely life isn't meant to be such a struggle .

I have a great T, but ultimately I make the choices and even with support, I am not finding any success.

[The_little_didgee]

When I feel like giving up I look back at all I the good things I have done. There isn't much to show for my 37 years, but it is enough for me. I also try to work with what I have and find ways to work around my limitations. Changing my thinking patterns has also helped a lot. I used to see failures as a reflection of my character. Now, I see them as opportunities to learn more about myself.

What is your definition of success? Maybe it is too rigid and limiting.

[pmbm]

I think I'm starting to look at my life like it's amazing that i have managed to get to where I am. I used to be down on myself because I could not get myself past a certain point professionally. I don't have the same kind of income my parents had. I adopted my children late in life. I have a wife. Really, nothing I have done has lived up to the expectations of my family. However, when I go back and look at where I've come from, my life is amazing. But, I am neither. In therapy, I get frustrated, because I take two steps forward, one back, three steps forward, four back, but, my therapist says that is how it is supposed to be. She reminds me all of the time that it is a very long haul. And it is. But, it's okay. I used to have a timeline for healing. Now, I know that I am healing. But, I don't think I can be done in my life time, and that is okay. Especially since my T has told me she is not going anywhere for a long time.

I go around the walls

I think of myself as a survivor, and i always say to myself that nothing will ever be as bad as what I have been through.

I also hang on through therapy sessions, friends, PC, my dogs and writing. But i do have many times where i feel like giving up.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I go around the walls

How? Can you elaborate?

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

When I feel like giving up I look back at all I the good things I have done. There isn't much to show for my 37 years, but it is enough for me. I also try to work with what I have and find ways to work around my limitations. Changing my thinking patterns has also helped a lot. I used to see failures as a reflection of my character. Now, I see them as opportunities to learn more about myself.

What is your definition of success? Maybe it is too rigid and limiting.

Success = making a living wage where I can move out from my parents house
= finding a life partner
= reducing my anxiety to manageable levels
=being able to genuinely enjoy things in life

[KayDubs]

I think even having awareness of these issues (and they're not good or bad, they're just something important to you) is already a step in the right direction. And it looks like you've set some goals as well. Not to sound trite, but you're unraveling a few decades' worth of thinking and behaviors, so it's going to take a while to see huge differences. In my experience, it feels unbearably sisyphean (sorry, I love that word) sometimes, but the tiny tasks and practices have moved me forward in some big ways, and not in others. ETA: but I see where I still want to make improvements (and therapy has helped with identifying these things, for sure).

Also, FWIW, having trouble making more money and moving forward in your career isn't necessarily a reflection on you. Lots of people are struggling with those things, especially the last 5 or 6 years. There just seems to be more well-educated, capable people than there are jobs. You're definitely not alone in this.

[wotchermuggle]

I've been working at the work situation for so many years at what point do I just give up my dream job?

[KayDubs]

Yeah, it sucks. Over the next year or so I'm going to be doing a lot of thinking/evaluating about my job situation. I absolutely *love* my job--it was one of the few stable things that got me through one of the most difficult periods of my life. And not to sound arrogant, but what I do really does help other people in tangible ways. But I don't see how I can do this long-term AND put away money for an emergency fund AND eventually buy my own home AND save for retirement AND do things like treat myself to a vacation or some nice clothes every once in a while. I don't want to spend the next 4 decades living like this, and this job's pay won't get me there. I chew my T's ear off about this stuff, to be honest. I'm sorry you're struggling, too!