[ShrinkPatient]

I've been seeing my T for 3 years now. She is totally awesome and most of the time I feel like she's heaven sent and a perfect match for me.
There have been some indications that she feels an unusually strong connection to me as well.
I have some major issues and she's made allowances specifically for me. I have her personal email and her personal cell number, which I've never called but have texted to.
I have had attachment issues, I don't trust anyone. I've never been attached or even wanted to until her.
So here's my issue. around the one year mark, she went away for a couple of weeks. I had major separation anxiety. I had no idea how strong and debilitating those emotions are. So, I thought if I could see a picture of her I'd feel better. I looked her up on FB. I feel if it's public for everyone else, it should be public for me. I got to see a couple pics and it did help some. Unfortunately, I accidentally sent a friend request. I swear it was totally by accident. Anyway when she got back, she pointed it out and said that she only uses FB for close friends and family. I felt like it would be a bad idea anyway. What if I become unstable and post accordingly and end up committing suicide. It's been very possible for me. Anyway, my latigious, biological mother would probably sue the pants off my T for not being aware. She sues everyone. I feared a malpractice issue.
So fast forward two years to now. Last week I got upset about something and I gave her an angry note and an angry email. She bit back a little bit. She doesn't normally do that. During our back and forth emails, she told me to friend request her because she wanted to share a post with me. Friending her on FB to read a post made me feel like the post was a big deal and I didn't want to read it because I was afraid. However, I can't refuse a request from her so I did it. The post was significant. It was about a patient she had 20 years ago, who had committed suicide. My T was very upset by it. She wrote a beautiful " "letter" to her former patient. She'd never lost a current t or former patient. Lately I've been talking about suicide. She had wanted me to read it because she wanted me to know how upsetting it was for her and she said being in the present, if I end up committing suicide, she'd be completely devestated. In the end I was glad I read it because I like putting our conversations in context. I can understand her better.
The thing is, I also read the comments on this post (I didn't read further down her timeline, but I did take a look at some of her pics. She's beautiful inside and out ). There was a comment there from one of her former patients that was in the program with the girl who took her life.
I asumed my T would defriend me a few hours after she accepted my request, but she didn't the entire weekend. I started thinking that I liked the idea of sharing our FBS now and I felt honored that she trusted me. I started thong she intended to stay friends.
So today, I go in and we talk about the post. Then she asked me to unfriend her. (She doesn't know how to do it, smh) Honestly, my feeling are really hurt. I feel like we're in a different place now and I don't understand why she doesn't trust me but she has a patient from long ago on her friends list. I'm hurt and jealous.
I need help!
I'm conflicted!
I'm confused!
I'm hurt!
I feel unimportant and insignificant. Maybe it's because she has done special things for me and treated me special and now my inner child is spoiled and throwing a tantrum.
Can anybody say something to help or explain? Please??

My guess is that it's not about trusting you, but simply that she doesn't have current patients (as opposed to former patients) on her flist. I am Facebook friends with a few former students, but I would not friend a current student if I got a request to do so.

It's a little weird that she didn't simply copy and paste the letter into an email, or print it out for you, if she wanted to share it with you, though. But she seems a little technologically challenged, judging by the fact that she is unable to find out how to unfriend somebody on Facebook.

[ShrinkPatient]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

My guess is that it's not about trusting you, but simply that she doesn't have current patients (as opposed to former patients) on her flist. I am Facebook friends with a few former students, but I would not friend a current student if I got a request to do so.

It's a little weird that she didn't simply copy and paste the letter into an email, or print it out for you, if she wanted to share it with you, though. But she seems a little technologically challenged, judging by the fact that she is unable to find out how to unfriend somebody on Facebook.

She is very technologically challenged. I pointed out that she could have made that single post public for a few hours. I told her she had options. She laughed and said "are you fogetting that you're talking to me."
Being on her FB made me feel like I would always have a connection to her, beyond therapy. That was extremely comforting.

Originally Posted by ShrinkPatient

She is very technologically challenged. I pointed out that she could have made that single post public for a few hours. I told her she had options. She laughed and said "are you fogetting that you're talking to me."
Being on her FB made me feel like I would always have a connection to her, beyond therapy. That was extremely comforting.

I understand that. I'm sorry that happened - it must be very hard to have had that and then have it pulled away from you.

[anilam]

Technologically challenged or not, she still could (and I think even should) have copied/pasted it in a mail.
Plus, I really struggle to see the benefit of reading how hurt she was over a client's SUI? Don't talk about it/do it because of my feelings?

Eeeek, a T writing a post about a former client. No, no, no.
So much with this is wrong in my eyes.
She could have cut and pasted the post. She didn't have to add you.
But sharing with friends in her FB about a clients suicide is at get egotistical at worse.... We'll.

[ragsnfeathers]

Okay she's technologically challenged (which I certainly am so I get it). She knows this about herself. Putting aside for the moment the question of whether she should've shared that letter with you in the first place, she knows what her abilities are. Rather then friend you she should have asked someone for help in copying and pasting to a blank email, to be completed and sent when she had privacy.

As far as writing the letter, in books therapists use generic examples from their practice. As long as she kept it about her feelings and didn't give potentially identifying info about the former client I don't see a problem.

As far as letting you see the letter, it wouldn't work for me because I would see it as encouraging me to take responsibility for her feelings as a way of manipulating me and I had quite enough of that growing up. My task for myself is to not get hooked into that. But what doesn't work for one person may well work for someone else. Only you can know that.

[Petra5ed]

For whatever this might be worth, I've been seeing my therapist for a couple years and I think he's blocked me on Facebook. I say that because I once saw his locked profile pic and then a week later it was gone, and now if I search and search I cant find anything, not even a locked profile. My therapist does some things, like hugs, emergency calls... just not Facebook (and I know he has one because he mentioned it). I don't think many do, it is just so personal it's the kind of thing that can really alter your image of someone. I guess what I'm saying is, wow cant believe she friended you at all! and I wouldn't take the unfriending bit to be personal. I would ask her if this means there's a chance you could friend her to stay in touch at the end of therapy?

I'm sorry to add to the confusion, but if she's not tech savvy (and I wouldn't even consider copying/pasting savvy), why didn't she just tell you in person or write it out for you and hand it to you? If someone can get through grad school, they should be able to accomplish that. It just seems strange to put you through all of that.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

For whatever this might be worth, I've been seeing my therapist for a couple years and I think he's blocked me on Facebook. I say that because I once saw his locked profile pic and then a week later it was gone, and now if I search and search I cant find anything, not even a locked profile. My therapist does some things, like hugs, emergency calls... just not Facebook (and I know he has one because he mentioned it). I don't think many do, it is just so personal it's the kind of thing that can really alter your image of someone. I guess what I'm saying is, wow cant believe she friended you at all! and I wouldn't take the unfriending bit to be personal. I would ask her if this means there's a chance you could friend her to stay in touch at the end of therapy?

Petra5ed: He might not have blocked you specifically--he may have just tightly locked down his profile or even deactivated his account.

I haven't even had the nerve to look for mine on FB--plus he has a common name, so if he didn't have a photo or much identifying info, might be hard to find. (Plus I'm not really sure if I want to know what his wife looks like, say...)

For OP, I'm also surprised she friended you, but if she's not tech-savvy, she may not have realized all you could see or that she could copy/paste what she had on FB elsewhere. (Sounds like my mom, she only recently got on FB and has no real idea what she's doing on there, and she got a iPhone like a year ago and only sent her first text last week!) Or she may not have realized the psychological implications that "unfriending" can have!

[Ididitmyway]

Please, forgive me for being blunt, but there is no way I can sugarcoat it. What she did was both unethical and illegal. She may be super sweet as a person and she may have best intentions at heart but that has no relevance to how her actions are qualified from the perspective of the professional code.

She breached the deceased patient confidentiality and that's illegal. The privilege to disclose confidential patient information doesn't die when the patient dies. While the patient is alive, he or she holds the privilege. When he of she passes away, the immediate family members hold the privilege. She has no right to disclose anything about any particular patient to anyone without the patient's written permission, or the patient's family's written permission in case when the patient is deceased, let alone discuss it on social media or any public forum! It doesn't matter that she didn't identify the patient by the name. If the patient's relatives find her post, they will have a good case for suing her or for reporting her to the board.

Confusing you about the parameters of her relationship with you is unethical. She can't go back and forth with "friending" and "unfriending" thing, but, most importantly, she shouldn't have asked you to "friend" her for any reason in the first place. If she was trying to make a point that your possible suicide would make her sad, she could've just said so in session without bringing other people, deceased or alive, into the equation. That being said, I would doubt that doing so would be clinically sound and/or beneficial to you in any way, but it would not be unethical.

Sorry to tell you, but she screwed up big time.