canceled last-minute again

The receptionist at t's office called to cancel my session this morning. T is out sick. I was given the option of t calling to reschedule for this week, or to just keep next week. I hesitated, but asked that t call to reschedule this week. I'm not sure I trust she won't cancel again regardless of when we are supposed to meet... this is the second time in a row I was canceled last-minute. :/
I left session feeling crappy the last two sessions we had, and now she's been out sick/personal emergency for two weeks in a row. I hope she's ok, and feels better soon, but I'm also frustrated. This is all reminiscent of one of my first t's who ended up being out sick so long that I switched to someone else. It ended up being a good switch, but I really don't feel like going through all that again...
I almost called t this morning to confirm the appointment before the office called to cancel...
I dunno.
Ugh.
I'm ok with breaks I expect, but this last-minute canceling thing sucks. I have so much anxiety going into session. I hate having that anxiety suddenly extended.
To anyone that deals with a lack of consistency, how do you manage?

Hi ThisWayOut

I can relate to your feelings.

I do not enjoy last minute cancellations at all.

I do understand why you hesitated but I am really glad that you rescheduled for this week.

That is great.

I need to remind myself when my T does this, as disappointing as it may feel, I guess she is human too. She's had to have last minute cancellations due to one of her own kids being ill etc.

I can understand your anxiety over the fact well what if she cancels again? This I guess is in response that you don't want to be put in the same position of being disappointed and left anxious again if it is cancelled. I get this.

I don't do too well with "suprise change" that I did not anticipate.

I found this interesting article on the internet on coping with change.

I am not sure if you will find this interesting too.

Perhaps you can read it with the view of, what if your T ups and changes this appointment all over again?

Is there a way to change your current thinking process on this one?

I do understand the perceived anxiety around this.

But can you equip yourself in advance?

Chances will be you might find your appointment does occur .....

How to Deal with Change: 12 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow

My marriage counselor (MC) has had to cancel some at the last minute due to an ill family member (including once about a month ago--right after I'd admitted my feelings for him to my individual T, who'd promised not to tell him, but I was still paranoid). It's happened some in the past, too, and he's always very apologetic (and my indiv. T says it's a tough situation, and it's legitimate). But the main issue for me is he's not the greatest at getting back to us to reschedule. I just like knowing there's an appointment coming up, even if he had to reschedule us a few weeks out or had to reschedule only to cancel again.

So I understand. Though we also had to cancel last minute on him once because our kid was sick.

I am so sorry for that last minute cancellation. I hate when that happens. The therapist I see now hardly ever cancels, but my last one had lots of last minute cancellations and I hated it. Often, I was geared up for spilling my secrets that had been bothering me all week and then to have that anticipated relief just taken away was horrible. Of course therapists are human too, but even understanding that does not make those last minute cancellations easier.

I pretend it is like a pop quiz and see how well I am progressing and how well I can soothe myself and move ahead on my own. If it is a very long break, I journal about it daily or think of some routine that will help me get through it. I use to take a handful of those large, individually-wrapped Life Savers with me in the morning of my appointment day because I had a long drive to/from my appointment (1-1/2 hours to and 2+ back home (rush hour)) and I'd see if I could space out eating them so they'd last :-) On weeks when there was no appointment I would not tell them at work, would pretend there was anyway and take off and/or on those days I'd still take a handful of Life Savers with me in the morning on the way to work, I'd recognize it was therapy day and deal with it.

My second T never cancelled that first year. If she had, I probably would have quit. Good luck, it's hard to deal with that.

I know she has stuff going on... I'm not even expecting a call tomorrow. I'll be really surprised if I actually get one. I'm guessing she won't be available till next week anyway... :/
I'm not as bothered by it now that the initial wave of emotion moved on. I put my walls back up pretty quick. It just sucks. I get so anxious around going, because it's intimidating, and then to have that anxiety carry over again just... sucks.

I'm not sure if I'm wildly guessing based on how things with that T went several years ago or if my gut is correct, but I have a feeling I won't be seeing her again. She'll either be out for much longer than I care to wait (what happened with a t back when I first started T) or she will have decided to "refer out" (based on our last session where she said I was "disengaging from therapy")...

I dunno... Maybe I'm just fretting over nothing and she will call tomorrow. She will have time to meet this week, and will actually be there for it, and we will work things out. Coloring will help us both relax, and things will go smoothly from there... yeah. I think I like this option the best.

Oh wow... that sucks. Yeah, T's get sick... but I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this two weeks in a row! I think that would be hard for anyone!

Had that happen a few sessions in a row last year. Come to find out, T had a series of kidney stones he was suffering with. He was never one to cancel sessions so it was really odd when it was going on, but boy I wouldn't wish kidney stones on anyone. Once they passed (OUCH) things went back to normal again.

my therapist is very consistent - she's never missed a session - but i know i would be severely PO'd if she did! you're handling it really well. it must be so annoying.

I didn't hear from her today. Maybe tomorrow?
I think I'm going to plan on not seeing her this week. Not that I don't want to, but I think she will probably be out still. I guess I should leave a message for her saying next week would be ok if she is not around or doesnt have time this week :/
I really hope she's ok.

I'd get something schedule for next week for sure, and tell her office if something opens up between then to contact you.

I go to a psychiatrist who does therapy with one staff member (so glad my issues are not shared among others.) And it takes 3-4 weeks for an appointment.. but when I ask if someone cancels, and opening comes up, to schedule me. Practice manager does try to get me in (my first visit and most recent after I had to canceled after a major trigger).

Hang-in there

Still no word back from your T, ThisWayOut? I'm sorry that really sucks, and the not knowing and not hearing anything makes it worse! I hope she's OK, and you guys are able to connect soon!

So, looks like I won't see t till next week or later. And because I had asked for t to call this week for an appointment, even if she's back next week I won't see her till later in the week (not expecting her to assume I'll be there for our time on Tuesday morning, which is her "Monday"). Ugh. I really hope she is ok.
would it be inappropriate for me to call the secretary tomorrow to ask when t will be back at work? I left her a message today about scheduling, and I'm guessing she would have returned my call if she was in. It's not like it's an emergency, I'm just a bit lost around not knowing when she will be back, or if I should even expect her back soon. I'm also worried about her. I kinda want to know if it's something huge, or just a bunch of small stuff that all came in succession... I don't want details, but I want to be able to gauge how to moderate my presentation to her once she is back. I don't want to try to tackle tough stuff if it was something that drained her Completely. I'll put the heavier stuff on the back burner and keep session light If it's that.
it's it appropriate to inquire about that? Or should I just wait to hear from her?

That's hard, not knowing. I think it's OK to ask the secretary if she knows when she'll be back. I wouldn't inquire as to exactly what's going on, though you could say you were concerned that you hadn't heard back from her.

Oh wow, I'm sorry ThisWayOut... I agree that the "not knowing" makes it worse. If you knew that something happened and T was going to be out for a couple weeks, that would suck, but at least you'd have a target date to work towards and hold on to!

I don't think it's inappropriate to call the secretary to see if she knows when T is returning. Does the secretary book appointments for T (sorry I can't remember)? You might mention to her that you usually see T on Tuesdays, but it's been a couple weeks now, and you're wondering if she's expecting to be back on Tuesday? Or do you not want to see her on her first day back?

Also - I know this sounds awful, but you shouldn't need to worry about keeping the session light to help T! Your T knows how to take care of herself, and if she's not in a place where she can be there for you, no matter what you're bringing in, she shouldn't be back at the office... hopefully she can make that clear, but I'm not sure if she's aware that you're trying to be kind to her like this I'd just hate to see you waste one of your limited sessions trying to meet your T's needs, rather than getting the help and support that you deserve and need!

I hope you get some news soon!

I know ideally T should be waiting till she's ready, but the reality is that this is her job, and most employers in the US (mental health included) don't much care if you are ready to be back at work as much as they care that you are back at work... While clinic supervisors tend to be more understanding because they know that you have to be "on your game" to work with clients, their understanding has limits. I'm not saying that is definitely what is/will happen with T, but I've experienced it before both as a service provider and as a client.

I also think i need the session to be light for myself to get some connection/trust back...

I called the office and was told she "should be back next week". Ok, so at least I know I will have to wait till Tuesday to even scehudle anything. I feel better with a time-frame.