Told t about my feelings for her

I wonder how your tutors drew the conclusion that your feelings aren't related to erotic transference. Do you hang out with your T out of the therapy setting? Either way, whether it's erotic transference or love or even some combination of the two, you should not feel ashamed of your feelings. I am sure she has helped you a lot in the past 18 months, it is reasonable that you will have feelings for her. Whether she is in a relationship and /or heterosexual is completely irrelevant. Even if she was a single lesbian with strong feels for you, she should never act on them. With this said, how she reacted, though unprofessional, allowed you to see a weaker more vulneerable side to her. She is human and makes mistakes, just like you myself and everyone else in the world. If you think your feels for her are preventing you from accomplishing what you set out to in therapy then you should look elsewhere, if not then consider forgiving her.

You can look at this as an embarrassing "shameful" moment or you can accept that you have normal feelings. You can take this an opportunity to be the one in control, to take the professional role where she dropped the ball. If I were in your position, I would look into erotic transference more so that I could discuss my feeling on a more intellectual level.. If she gives you the same strange reaction, just say erotic transference is normal and common. You should be happy that I feel comfortable enough to discuss this with you, as it is obviously something I need to work through. I would mention that it is surprising that she has not had to deal with this prior to you mentioning it.

I have had erotic transference for my therapist. The funny thing is, I have never had to verbally admit this. She knew the very first session after I developed iT towards her. I don't even bother addressing it because I know what it's about. I just stay focused on whst I came for, a better, more normal life! all the same it is mind boggling that she knows nothing of it. Sorry I have a tendency to ramble, hopefully this isn't too long!

OMG, Stopdog's T would totally have to pinch herself to see if she is dreaming. She'd probably have an out of body experience. Lol

I " /> Stopdog!

Think we could convince stop dog to do this, to get their reaction? 😚

Thank you shrink patient for reaching out I really hope you can find the courage to tell your t, no matter their reaction it would be good for you to vent those pent up feelings you have kept in xxx

I'm sorry that your therapist handled this so poorly. Shame about myself is ultimately one of the big things I worked on in therapy and I can't imagine how I'd feel if my psychiatrist were one to trigger that feeling. Please do keep us updated on how things go from here!

She did not answer your question. I know heterosexual people who have had, occasionally had same-sex feelings, but still choose to ID as straight due to their past relationships/strong preference for opposite sex/they feel "bisexual" does not apply to them.

A lot of people in relationships develop feelings for others!

For whatever reason, what you revealed triggered something strong in her...hopefully her tactless/insensitive comment had to do with being caught off guard and that once she processes it, she will be more accepting and articulate.

If you don't mind me asking, what is your sexual orientation? If it's non-heterosexual, does she know this?

I am a non hero sexual woman. T does know this and has known from there very first session. It's a subject she is uncomfortable with and has difficulty exploring with me.
Now as I am beginning to process what happened I wonder I she has had feelings for me or another woman in the past because her reaction was so defensive and her agenda in getting me to say the words "I have feelings for you" were so strong. Her blushing was so unlike her and the comment at the end too " phew, well at least we are both still alive".
She found it a really hard session and I doubt I will ever really know if she has feelings for me but as someone once said " the body never lies" her body language was uncharacteristic for her and she was triggered and thrown out of her comfort zone.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply bipolar chic. Most ts do pick up on erotic transference and I am surprised she didn't. Would it be something you would like to talk about with your t eventually?

I don't hang out with t outside of sessions. We know lots of mutual people though. I really think ts experience with this is limited and I remember asking her about transference in the first session and she said she doesn't refer to it as that. In gestalt it's called projection and I feel that a what she did...project her prejudices onto me.

I'm so sorry she was so rejecting. You were very brave to disclose to her. She did handle this very poorly.

I have to tell you--my gut reaction was that she had experienced sexual feelings for you as well. One, the defensiveness; two, her blushing. Especially the blushing. I'm also thinking of things I've read in the past about erotic transference--often the therapist feels sexual feelings for the client while the client is experiencing erotic transference. From what I understand, it's not uncommon.

I think it's perfectly normal for a heterosexual woman to experience sexual feelings for women from time to time. It sounds like maybe it's something she hadn't yet worked through in her own therapy, or has she been in her own intensive, depth therapy?

Have you gone back to her? You said you couldn't, but I wonder if you changed your mind. It seems like it would be so devastating and damaging to end like this. I really feel for you. I hope this is results in positive healing, as difficult as it is now. Hugs

To me, her reactions sounds more like a homophobic response than an indication that she has ever experienced same-sex attraction. Her discomfort could be coming from personal or religious beliefs or simply a lack of understanding or exposure. I think her stating that she is heterosexual (which is not a feeling) was probably knee-jerk reaction intended to make sure you knew That she's not a lesbian and not interested or available. Of course, her need to point this out suggests a level of homopjobia and discomfort. I really wish that she could have had a better reaction. Unfortunately, there is still a lot of homophobia out there.

I am due to go back this Wednesday. I don't want to go back but perhaps this has been a huge misunderstanding on my part. Maybe t will tell me again she is not homophobic and that I misunderstood the context of what she said. I think that especially women are prone to have feelings towards other women, perhaps this is what scares her, she can't admit It or that she really is homophobic.

I am not exactly sure which response ut was and I will never be clear till I ask her. I am guessing that this is an issue she has not explored in her own therapy.
I don't feel safe or supported by her anymore and I doubt that will change after this.
I honestly don't think it ever occurred to her that I would have feelings for her.
It showed me her vulnerable side and her human side and in a way knocked her off the pedalstal I had put her on.

Yes, cross-culturally female sexuality appears to be much more fluid (several hypotheses of why is this so). But honestly, her reaction as very unprofessional, I'd be really offended and hurt by it (no matter the reasons- maybe that's the future T in you Mona, wanting to know why. Still, giving her another session to explain might be a good idea...

Mona, I'm sorry that your T handled your disclosure so poorly. I hope that the two of you were able to talk it out & reach some kind of agreement. Her response was not acceptable as a T, she should know better, however her text she sent to you tells me that she is open to hearing how you feel & also that she probably realizes you are upset by it. I hope you are able to work things out, whether you stay with her or not! Let us know how it went for you!