[floridaman38]

Ok, I know I've posted something like this but not exactly like this before but I want to know the opinions of other people who may be in this situation. I have a female therapist and I am a man. I am 38 and she is 30. I don't think of her in a sexual way or anything. But I keep having these thoughts, I call them hero syndrome thoughts, not anything illegal but something along the lines of being a rescuer. I would think of a situation that causes great stress or trouble for my therapist and then I would show up and feel that I was saving her. I would then hold her and she would hold me. I would feel that I did a good thing by helping her. The other issue is that I need security and nurturing in my sessions. I keep thinking about a situation of bursting into tears and my therapist says "hey come here let me give you a hug and then she comforts me until I feel better. She wraps her arms around me and rubs the top of my head and tells me that I will be ok. She rocks a little and rests her chin on my head. In this dream or vision or whatever I am secure. I am held. I feel like an infant to a mother when I am scared. I just need to know why this is happening and is it ok to want that nurturing feeling and caring? It is not sexual or relationship based at all I just would like to get your thoughts on this subject, thanks guys.

[pegasus]

Hello floridaman38,

This would be a good question to ask in the Psychotherapy forum, you can either PM a moderator to move the post there or copy and paste it and start a thread there.

[CANDC]

You may be the only one with the answer, even if it is buried within you. I can only speculate what the reasons might be for having fantasies or dreams about a T. The most basic instinct of a human is to find the nurturer. It is the basic survival instinct of a baby.

So when a person grows up without the nurturing they need (which many of us here at PC feel), the instinct can go into overdrive even when survival is no longer dependent on finding a nurturer. A T that is healing and nurturing can be misidentified as vital to survival of a person's interest. So in one's imagination it could be envisioning the securing of the nurturer.

This is a matter of conjecture and hypothesis on my part. Perhaps an individual has other motivating reasons. Finding the answer within you is a more reliable reason if you can find it.

[floridaman38]

thank you candc, I will certainly try. I may need to ask my T about it and see what is needed to understand it.

[LonesomeTonight]

The second part could be maternal transference. I'm under the impression that it's fairly common in therapy (I have it with my individual T). It's something you could discuss with her. Less sure about the first part--sounds like you want to rescue her. Might just be a sign that you care about her and feel close to her.

[floridaman38]

I do feel a closeness to her because she wants to help me so much, she thanked me for being so vulnerable in our first session, she asked if she could be of further assistance to me then to call her. I don't call I email. I will be seeing her tomorrow. Terrified to ask her what she thinks she may transfer me to another T

It's completely normal. Talking about it will help you understand its origins. Fantasy normally helps us create something that we are missing. Or were missing.

Sounds like transference, perfectly normal. If you can bear to bring it up with her, that might help.