[amd95]

Does your therapist call you out when he/she knows you're not being honest or not opening up? I feel like mine knows just by observing me, for example tearing up or turning red or hesitating, but she never says anything and I wish she did because I know it would help me open up. Does anyone's T do this & is it helpful or annoying?

[stopdog]

No. And it would really piss me off, not in a constructive way, if one of them tried.

[justdesserts]

Very gently--I wouldn't call it "calling me out" as much as commenting on what he observes. I appreciate it because most often, I am not aware of what I am doing. For example, apparently, I am go quiet when I am hurting emotionally. He is patient with me, but he has also asked me about pain when I am quiet.

She hasn't done this, I wouldn't want it, and I don't think she would. It feels parental and subtly arrogant.

[amd95]

I should probably clarify: "calling out" does seem kind of harsh. Maybe just commenting on the fact that I look like I'm about to cry when she brings up a certain topic and asking me why. Not necessarily in a way that is supposed to be embarrassing or rude.

[laxer12]

She doesn't necessarily call me out but I think she knows. She told me once that she thought I wasn't being as open as I could be but that I said things "in my own way" so she didn't feel the need to push me to open up more. This conversation happened once and she assured me that we were safe within the walls of her room and that was the place where I should take the risk and open up.

I also have a tendency to say "I don't know" when I don't really want to think about something too hard and she called me out on that. Now if I say it she always asks "What don't you know?" which kind of pisses me off for a second but it always gets me to open up.

[ThisWayOut]

I've asked this t to do if because we are time limited. I want to make sure I get through the stuff I came to get through. I specifically have asked her to push me on topics I resist, and to gently remind me I had asked her for it (in the moment I trend to think she is frustrated with me). We have not done much with it, but she has pointed out a few times I was shutting down about something.

In the past, I have had t's point things out to me that I did not realize I was doing (shutting t out when I felt judged, fearing a reaction like I would get from my parents, unconsciously self harming in session, dissociative around certain topics, etc). I have found it helpful in the past, which is why I asked this t to actively push me on uncomfortable topics, especially if I bring them up.

[Ad Intra]

Yep. My ex-T did it more when it had to deal with safety (I self-harm). I remember once I had visited my dad (we have a bad past) and after I left I had a panic attack. It was soon after I had the urge to self-harm. My ex-t just said, "When are you going to start to do what it take to keep yourself safe?" I became pissed, but it did lead to some real lasting change.

[Middlemarcher]

I think my T has subtle, gentle ways that allow me to open up if I wish. For example, if I look like I'm about to cry, she won't point it out or ask why. But she might ask me how I'm feeling right now. I appreciate that it encourages me to share without feeling overly intrusive.

[healingme4me]

I would say, yes, holds me accountable to myself, ensuring that I am aware of unhealthy thinking. In neither a parental demeanor nor with any sense of arrogance. (?) I feel better with directness since I don't come away with a sense of being spun in a circle. I've had way too many experiences with manipulation from others to desire a backslide.
Just seems that how I'd like to convey the reality of the therapy sessions doesn't translate as well to a written form. Perhaps I don't give much more thought to the sessions than trying to apply sessions to my non therapy life.

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[Partless]

Originally Posted by amd95

Does your therapist call you out when he/she knows you're not being honest or not opening up? I feel like mine knows just by observing me, for example tearing up or turning red or hesitating, but she never says anything and I wish she did because I know it would help me open up. Does anyone's T do this & is it helpful or annoying?

Yes, they've done that and it can be quite helpful, as you mention. Therapists usually struggle with this kind of thing because they never know when to give you that extra nudge. They don't want to break the rapport. They might be aware that you're not being honest or not facing up to the challenge, but they don't see it as an interrogator might. They let you be in charge. Also if they did it couple times and you reacted very badly, they might pull back and rarely or never do it, realize that given your personality or your particular issues, this won't work.

But in most cases they give you a little nudge and then see how you react. Your therapist might not know that this is what you desire and that it would help you open up. This is obvious but I'm still gonna say it: Just tell her. It might be that she worries that saying anything might make you close down and it's counterproductive. So when you tell her, that's very useful for the therapist to know.

No. I would hate it.

Sometimes he does, but not always. I think Partless put it really well - I imagine it must be a real challenge for a therapist to know when it is appropriate to do it. My T usually has a pretty good sense for when to call me out and most of the time he makes the right call, but sometimes he does it and I react badly and sometimes he doesn't and I react badly to that. I wish I were more consistent.

[puzzclar]

Sometimes, depends on if he sees it or not. Or if I just hide it from him

Yes my t does because she us gestalt and that's all about the self responsibility. Often I have argued that she wants me to take the blame for things that aren't mine and we argue till we find a common ground. She will point out if I feel differently than last week aboyt something and if she notices that I am generalising. Most of the time I don't appreciate it as I already have one critical mother, I don't need another.

[Chummy]

I would call it calling me out. That seems too harsh. But if my T sees me struggeling to tell something, she stays quiet and wait for me to talk. Or she ask questions. She know which questions to ask, from the beginning of my therapy with her.
And last time, my pdoc saw I was nervous and I got quiet and I was like ''i don't know''. And he was very kind and said ''you do know, you are just afraid to say it''. He knew what to say and ask for me to open up.

But are my previous therapist weren't like that. They never ask the right questions. They acted like what you wrote. Very frustrating.

[JaneTennison1]

Yes and no. There are times I'll say things and she'll just let it go knowing that we will come back to it and talk in more depth. There are times I'll say things and she'll push a little more and ask a little more. So I wouldn't say she calls me out as such, she just asks things. Only one time did she ever say that what I was saying could be hurtful and seemed to come from a hurt place.

[StressedMess]

I refer to it as she calls me on my BS. If I try to play off my feelings and say I'm doing just fine thank you very much, she points out all the ways my body language tells her I'm not. If I laugh or smile while telling her awfulness she says she knows I'm laughing to keep from crying, and encourages me to feel the pain so I can heal.

She doesn't become argumentative because that's the quickest way for me to shut down. She challenges me, but gently.

Is this at all what you mean?

[secretgalaxy]

Yes, both of my T's called me out on self-harm. My old T did it a couple of times in the beginning. She would ask me if I had SI and then if I said no and looked away she would ask "are you lying?" Usually I was so she knew me well. My new T asked the same question before, but I actually wasn't self-harming. We are new to each other though, so she has a lot to learn. :P

[nervous puppy]

My old T always did. Sometimes she just straight up called me out. "Don't lie to me" she said a couple times. I tend to be very sarcastic, and she hated sarcasm (while in therapy). Other times she was gentle but tried to push me to say what I needed to say. If I said "I don't know", she'd respond with "yes you do". Sometimes I would ask here to change her question to multiple choice because I really couldn't get a handle on my feelings! She would do it.
Sometimes she would try saying things like "nothing you say leaves this room", "I don't judge you", and then go into asking leading questions until whatever it was came out by me saying it.
New T isn't there yet, but we're still just hitting the "headlines" and haven't gotten into any details yet.

Originally Posted by amd95

I should probably clarify: "calling out" does seem kind of harsh. Maybe just commenting on the fact that I look like I'm about to cry when she brings up a certain topic and asking me why. Not necessarily in a way that is supposed to be embarrassing or rude.

Absolutely. He knows when I'm on the edge of wanting to say something but struggling to do so, and he knows how to encourage me to open up about whatever is on my mind. I prefer that to him just sitting there letting me stew in my own juices. That encouragement is where I've made my progress. Sitting there stuck just leaves me even more anxious and stressed.