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#1
Apr 19, 2007, 08:42 PM
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Change does not come about when I am intent on changing. It comes about when I can accept myself as is, have compassion for why I am where I am emotionally, allowing myself to be, to exist...Thinking that I need to change makes me feel like damaged goods, which somehow ties in with self-hatred....acceptance of myself leads to healthier choices in the future....
I don't respond well to the notion, 'I have to change'...maybe cuz of my history of a n overly-controlling parent.... |
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#2
Apr 19, 2007, 09:19 PM
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Amen....
Excellent observations.... and true.... for me too. |
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#3
Apr 19, 2007, 09:26 PM
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when the focus is exclusively on change
the message that is taken: you are unacceptable as you are |
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#4
Apr 19, 2007, 09:31 PM
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true.... feel this about myself. not my thread though.....
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#5
Apr 19, 2007, 09:31 PM
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Alexandra, I couldn't have said it better! Thanks for providing just the words I was looking for!
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#6
Apr 19, 2007, 09:34 PM
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though...
acceptance for the sake of change is not acceptance |
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#7
Apr 19, 2007, 09:41 PM
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and the process of change for acceptance is?
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#8
Apr 19, 2007, 09:42 PM
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?
could you rephrase 'cause i don't understand |
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#9
Apr 19, 2007, 09:51 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
alexandra_k said: though... acceptance for the sake of change is not acceptance </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Again, I couldn't have said it better! |
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#10
Apr 19, 2007, 09:51 PM
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If I know I am unacceptable... at least to me.... then change should not be a copout. Though if the change is difficult... (oh there we go back to the acceptance thing.... )
Rough day and I am confused. Not sure if coming or going... |
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#11
Apr 19, 2007, 09:55 PM
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The kind of change that comes about with self-acceptance; now that's what I call change!
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#12
Apr 19, 2007, 09:59 PM
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That is more of a blooming... I know Withit.... it makes a soul glow.
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#13
Apr 19, 2007, 10:15 PM
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> If I know I am unacceptable... at least to me....
then that isn't accepting yourself just as you are |
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#14
Apr 19, 2007, 10:18 PM
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This thread keeps getting better and better....keep going, Alexandra; I love your insight!
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#15
Apr 19, 2007, 10:30 PM
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Some days I do... some days I don't.
If I can not change all around me than I guess I need to fold and work to change me... lol |
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#16
Apr 19, 2007, 10:33 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SecretGarden said: Some days I do... some days I don't. If I can not change all around me than I guess I need to fold and work to change me... lol </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Er....did you mean, 'work to accept myself'? |
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#17
Apr 19, 2007, 10:35 PM
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So I need to learn to accept myself....hm...isn't that some kind of 'changing' too? If I'm non-accepting of myself and I want to CHANGE that.... I'm starting to feel as though I'm going around in circles....I'm enjoying it though...
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#18
Apr 19, 2007, 10:45 PM
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> If I can not change all around me than I guess I need to fold and work to change me...
but then you are viewing acceptance as a second rate something to do when there is nothing else to be done kind of thing to do... :-( |
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#19
Apr 19, 2007, 10:48 PM
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> So I need to learn to accept myself....hm...isn't that some kind of 'changing' too? If I'm non-accepting of myself and I want to CHANGE that....
yeah it is kinda. lets take something... smoking. lets say people are giving you a hard time about smoking. you can 1) accept your smoking (so you don't feel so bad about people giving you a hard time) 2) change your smoking (so people stop giving you a hard time) yeah, acceptance IS change if one has never been accepted before... but accepting behaviours often means that one behaves according to the status quo (behaviour does not change) though of course accepting (where one didn't before) is indeed an attitudinal change. (people often resort to paradoxes when trying to describe meditation strategies and i'm very sceptical of the utility of resorting to paradox. introduce a distinction (attitude vs behaviour) and ta da! no more paradox) ;-) |
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#20
Apr 19, 2007, 11:22 PM
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yes.... about the :-( when not able to change... have to accept...even if I can not fit in.
I am better when I am not depressed though... |
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#21
Apr 19, 2007, 11:25 PM
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Sorry....I used to smoke... quit... 16+ years ago.
But.... Now smokers are relegated to the outside to smoke in huddles in the cold or rain ... unwelcome inside.... alas... reread your post...wala.. you are right... got ahead of myself. |
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